


DP is for Double Poling

by drainbamage954 (cats_cradle6766)



Category: EXO (Band), GOT7, Red Velvet (K-pop Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Awkward Teenage Feelings, F/F, F/M, Gen, High School AU, M/M, Sports injuries, Unrequited Love, nordic skiing, onesided!past!Sehun/Minho, past!Sehun/Taemin, regular people angst, ski team, so many groups ngl, teaching stuff, teen boy angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-05-01 14:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 82,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5209727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cats_cradle6766/pseuds/drainbamage954
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s impossible to be good at something on the first try.   It took years for Sehun to master skiing, and he’s still figuring out the rest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	DP is for Double Poling

**Author's Note:**

> The ages of people in this have been drastically altered either younger or older than their current given age. This is set in a high school, in both timelines. The present day story line is in plain text, and the past or flashback story line is in italics. Present day is marked with ‘❉’ and past is marked with ‘✦’.
> 
> All of the events and situations in this story are fictional, and are not based on real life events or situations. In no way shape or form are the stories of students in this taken from real life events or people. Anything with a (#) has a footnote explaining the reference at the bottom of the post.
> 
> This is set in U.S.A school systems, following their academic calendar and sports seasons. The region this story is based is the North East Atlantic and is set in a standard High School environment. A key of terms, definitions, and equipment can be found [here](http://padlet.com/dragonmater/ro6swv6u1bj8). I HIGHLY recommend familiarizing yourself with the padlet. It will help you a lot (I hope).
> 
>  
> 
> Currently, the work **DP is for Double Poling** has been discontinued, the current standing work at 82,052 words marking it at 'COMPLETE' and without additional chapters planned or intended to be added to the work. I request that no demands or requests for further expansion on this project be made with respect to my final decision and personal choices to mark this story as 'complete.'
> 
> Thank you for your patience and understanding.

  


✦ States Final Race ✦

_The cheers from the sides of the trail are drowned out, muffled with the hard pounding of his heart in his ears. The ragged breaths that scrape through him, drawing the frigid air into his burning lungs mutes the ring of the cowbells and the screams of encouragement from bystanders. All he can hear is the rushing crush of snow under his skies as he switches between feet, gliding over the cut up tracks from racers before him. The burn of his muscles, legs, back, arms, thighs, calves, abs, shoulders, pole left, glide right, weight change, push, glide, push, glide, faster, faster,_ faster _!_

 _The burn of his legs, wanting to give out under him, body screaming as he pushes up the last part of the hill, the steepest part, is agony. The frigid winter air is no relief against the burning in his core, too hot, too much, too steep, but he can't stop. This is the last hill,_ the _hill of the course, and after it's nothing but a sprint to the finish._

 _The screams are loud, pounding in his ears as he pushes to the peak. "Come on!" they scream. "You can do it!" It's almost mocking and he would yell back_ I hate everything _if he had breath to spare. He doesn't, and his eyes are focused on the skiers struggling ahead of him._

_He can pass them, he has to. The downhill will be where he picks up speed, keeps it going, gets some relief as he skates to the bottom._

_"Come on, Sehun!" scream the girls, in yellow and black, running through the snow alongside him. "Get up! Pick it up! Pick it up! Don't let College stop you! You're almost there, don't slack off now!"_

_The skier in front of him falters, losing his balance, and Sehun, lungs burning in protest as his stomach writhes, pushes all his weight through his arms, poling up to the side. "On your right!" he yells, voice rough from exertion and he wants to shake the sweat dripping from his brow. The skier ahead of him swerves to the left, and as the girls scream to him, Sehun’s stomach vows vengeance as he digs in his skis and poles and pushes past the other skier._

_One step, pole, left step, push, glide, pole, burn, scream internally, breathe in fire, crest the hill. The top is like salvation, the relief of finally getting to the top of College Hill a scant victory before Sehun steps and pushes forward._

_"Go!" screams behind him, the ring of bells dead on his ears as he pushes, faster and the first slope of the downhill sweeps against his face in tempting relief. Trying to catch his breath as he skates carefully, tucking to gain speed as air starts to whistle in his ears, Sehun can see the finish just through the trees._

_As he reaches the bottom of the hill, wind screaming against his ears and breaths fire in his mouth against the icy air against his skin, he can hear it. It's so loud, the massive time board at the end of the course and hundreds of people lined up in a roar of sound._

_Ahead of him, Sehun can see a skier take the last turn ahead and wipe out, skidding in a wreck of skis and poles and cut tracks. "Come on!" scream the people around, waving and shouting. "You're almost there!"_

_The fire is back, the spandex against his skin too much even against the biting cold, and Sehun can feel the threat of his stomach against the back of his throat. _Not yet,_ he snarls in his head, eyes on the finish as he pushes. Skate, pole, step, pole, push!_

_"What is this?" bellows from the bridge extending over the trail, his coach's voice cutting through the crowd. "Double pole, Sehun! V two double pole and stop slacking off! Come on, you're faster than this! Pick it up and get those arms moving!"_

__I'm going to kill you first, _rages red in Sehun’s head as he lets out a raw yell, snapping his arms up and digging his poles in, pushing harder, faster,_ more _. Step, pole, glide, burn, repeat._

_The final slight slope pushes Sehun’s breath back into his throat, too fast, too much, not enough as he keeps going. It doesn't matter that his body is on fire, two seconds from throwing up, can barely see, and thinks his legs are going to fall off they ache so badly. It's the final sprint, and it's now or never to get that score._

_The best time of his life._

_The flat is taunting, dragging it out with a thin orange line just meters away littered with tiny pine sprigs. Ten meters, burn. Five meters, pole. Two meters, gasp._

_The oranges stain of the finish line glides past under Sehun’s left ski and that's it. It's over and he shuts down. The slam to the ground as Sehun crumbles, legs giving out and gasping desperately for breath is welcome. It’s solid and not moving as his head spins sickeningly._

_"Sehun!" shouts a familiar voice, and Sehun doesn't move, throat raw and mouth tasting of blood as he keeps his eyes closed._

❉

It's the perfect day for it really. The sky a gorgeous autumn blue with just enough cloud coverage not to be too intense, and the gentle cool breeze keeps the last of the lingering warmth from summer's final hold at bay. It's ideal weather to be out, whether it's running or cycling or just out for a final drive before it gets too cold to play outside without more than a sweater and scarf. It's got more people out of their homes, this last weekend before the days grow too short to stay outside for too long.

There isn't a whole lot of time to take notice of the bystanders though, most of the people out for a fall stroll turning to blurs, their conversation chewed up in the sound of skate wheels rasping against the hard pavement. It's a different kind of white noise, the steady scrape of the specialty rollerblade attachments at the bottom of his boots. It's more pleasant, probably because Sehun is coming from years where every summer he's been out in the sun, rollerskis attached to his combi boots and feeling his muscles ache with that familiar burn.

"You're slow," shouts back to him from the man ahead of him. Sehun almost ignores him, focusing on pushing his weight through his poles as he skates up the hill, caught in his slipstream. But then he catches the teasing smirk on Jongin's face, and changes his mind.

"It's called reserving my strength. You know, pacing myself, unlike you," Sehun calls over the rush of wind and the rattle of their rollerskis. They’re a lot like rollerblades, the same skating motion on the pavement, though they keep getting looks from the others around them as they fly past. It’s not very often you see two people in Nordic ski boots with wheels attached to the bottom wielding full sized ski poles darting past at high speeds. 

"Still slow," Jongin mocks him, and laughs as Sehun frowns at him. "Race you to the top of the hill? Winner buys drinks."

"You're on," Sehun says, grinning as he catches the way Jongin's eyes dance.

It feels like they’ve been doing this forever. Ever since high school when Chanyeol had dragged both of them onto the Nordic team with promises of how fun it would be and pleas to not leave him alone. It had just started, over complaining about practice schedules, discovering sore muscles they never even knew they had, and developed into habit.

The only time Sehun can remember when he didn't grab his equipment and head out on a nice day was during university. Though most times, those memories aren’t exactly remembered with a great deal of fondness.

The soft burn of anticipation begins on his chest as he watches Jongin shift, pushing more through his arms to speed up, pulling ahead of him. It's always been his strength, those powerful sprints that pulled him ahead and trashed his opponent in the snow without warning. It had been what placed him on the states team their first year, and Sehun grins as he watches Jongin's technique harden from playful to competitive as he skates up the hill.

They’re in a local park district, close to where they live and it’s easy to get to, with wide paved paths mostly meant for bikes but which Sehun had picked up on better uses for almost as soon as they found it. It's ideal for roller skiing, and provided that the side paths are kept clear during the winter, it's made for perfect skiing trails.

Tapering back, Sehun watches as Jongin speeds ahead, long legs taking in smooth strides as he skates up the hill. He’s got such good form, it’s tempting to just watch the way he moves, the fluidity between his full extension before he swings back, pushing through the poles in both hands and shifts to the other leg.

It’s tempting to just watch, to appreciate knowing what that feels like, the burn that’s welcome in the arms, down the back, building in abs as weight transitions and the body tenses harder, stronger, faster. Though not tempting enough.

Sehun is still trying to figure out how to afford getting extra supplies for his classroom next week when they move onto the next unit. No way is he going to cough up extra cash on an stupidly expensive sugar drink for Jongin if he can help it.

Breathing. That’s what this feels like, the focus as Sehun draws into himself, centering on his own gravity and the breath that echoes in his ears. It’s breathing, through all of his limbs as they work, shifting from one leg to the other, pushing harder into the glide as he plants his poles and pushes off, arms straining to work up the hill.

Since their first year, everyone knew Jongin was good a those sprints, the sudden bursts of energy that drive him ahead. Not here though. Sehun’s always had him beat on the hills.

There’s something about hill work (which he hated at first), where it’s less like the driving force forward and more like the challenge that says ‘you can’t do it.’

The strain of it, the sense of impossibility always made it more compelling to beat it. It was the push of ‘can’t’ that had Sehun’s entire scope of reality grind from pushing and pacing into determination to prove he could, the growl ‘watch me win’.

It’s the burn in his back, the tightness of his arms as he poles through, faster and harder, breaths dark in his chest. He smiles as he speeds up, gaining on the hill and shifts to the side, listening to the groan from Jongin as he passes him and keeps going.

It’s not really about beating Jongin (well, it kind of is), but more about feeling that solidity within, the push to beat the challenge. To win.

“You suck,” Jongin tells him, panting as they stop, a few meters past the top of the hill. It’s the only real hill on the course, and the trees are sparse, a welcome cool against the sweat on their skin, sticking under their spandex jerseys.

“Nah,” Sehun says, grinning at his long time friend. “You just don’t push through your arms well enough. It still sucks in your form.”

“I pole just fine,” Jongin grumbles, wiping at his brow and taking off his helmet to shake his hair out. He cards his fingers through his bangs, unsticking them from the sweat shining on his forehead. “You’re just a machine.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Sehun says, grinning. “And I want an iced peach tea, thanks.”

The slow ache has already begun in Sehun’s thighs when they’re sitting down in the local café later, cooling down from the heat that had throbbed during their work out ebbing away. It’s replaced by the dull ache in his body, and he lets out a sigh, hand settling against his abdomen, feeling the muscles tense under his spandex.

“I’m out of shape,” Sehun sighs, fingers tapping against his stomach as Jongin sits down across from him.

Snorting, Jongin hunkers over their small table, throwing him a derisive look. “Don’t rub it in,” Jongin tells him. “You just slaughtered me back there. You can’t say shit like that.”

“I’m less in shape than I want to be,” Sehun rephrases. “ _And_ you’re letting yourself go.” Sehun grins as Jongin frowns at him, lower lip pushing out in a pout. “But really, I should be in better shape before the season starts.”

“You say that every year and then still manage to be fine once we get snow,” Jongin reminds, stirring his chocolate smoothie. Sehun watches as Jongin tugs out the straw and sucks it clean, licking off the whipped cream mounded on top. “Besides, it’s not like you’d be the one racing if you do end up taking the position.”

“But I’ll still be running a group of kids around, which is probably more exhausting” Sehun sighs, fingers tracing through the condensation on his peach tea glass. “I’m pretty sure that’ll require even more energy and stamina that a fifteen kilometer race qualifier. I need to be in shape for that. And instructing them. I can’t really show them how to ski if I’m unable to myself. What kind of coach can’t even-”

“Sehun,” Jongin says, looking up with a pointed expression indicating Sehun is being ridiculous. He probably is, but he’s allowed to. This whole year has been a year of firsts. The first year he’s in a classroom alone with hundreds of kids all actually expecting him to know everything (and jumping on him when he doesn’t), the first year he’s actually odd man out at home, and the first year he’s been asked to do something outside of just regular work. “Stop making this out to be so dramatic.”

“I’m not,” Sehun mumbles, leaning back into his chair and letting himself slip down into a slouch. It strains against his back, pulling at the muscles that were already overworked earlier.

It’s not often that he overextends himself in a workout, but there are some days when he pushes himself too far. It’s too tempting not to, when the taste of skiing is on his tongue and his heart beats in a constant driving rhythm in his ears. Tomorrow he has to be up for the school day though, set up and ready to go in his room before his morning class trudges in and reminds him, just as they do every day, that it’s too early to be at school.

On the first day of school, Sehun had made the mistake of telling one of the girls he agreed with her. It was a huge mistake.

 _”Set the culture of your classroom and stick to it like a militant general,”_ had been what Kyungsoo had told him and Sehun, like an idiot, hadn’t done it.

Tomorrow will be an interesting morning.

“So,” Jongin asks, chewing on his straw. “Are you going to do it?”

Pursing his lips and looking at his peach iced tea rather than his long time friend, Sehun lets his response sit on his tongue, not sure how to phrase himself quite yet. On one hand, taking over the Nordic team would be great. It would be the first time Sehun can do all of the things he loves (well, most of the things he loves). As much as Sehun loves digging into his content material, watching students learn and grasp onto themes and concepts in literature, there’s nothing quite like that feeling of exhiliration of mastering poling for the first time.

On one hand, Sehun would love nothing more than to take over the coaching position that opened up when the old coach dropped out last minute.

On the other hand, Sehun is already trying to get his footing here. It’s his first year at the High School as a full time teacher, even after years of doing Ed Teching and grabbing assistant jobs. It’s his first year with a full workload, without a mentor teacher or a coteacher. It’s been exciting, but it’s also been terrifying, intense, nerve wracking, and intimidating. Coaching on top of all of that, when most coaches who double as teachers have been working for at least a few years, just makes Sehun’s stomach twist even further in apprehension.

And yet…

“I don’t know,” Sehun says slowly, frowning at his tea. 

It had been a bit of a shock when Kyungsoo had pulled him aside two weeks ago for a ‘kind word’. It had been even more of a shock, considering he’d thought it was about Sehun’s last unit and how Kyungsoo would, out of his experience, tell Sehun it was shit and he could say goodbye to getting rehired come spring. But then Kyungsoo had frowned at him, expression darkening, and told him the Nordic coach had just left the position open, and then fixed him with a meaningful look.

It hadn’t hit Sehun until later that day what Kyungsoo was implying when he told him this.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Jongin snorts. “You live and breathe this shit.”

“Actually, air,” Sehun corrects, and grins when Jongin rolls his eyes. “I breathe air, Jongin, just like you. Remember your biology.”

“You know what I mean,” Jongin sighs, sitting back and running his hands through his hair. “I mean, aside from Lit and the future of public education and the youth of our world, deep down inside you’re still a Nordic junkie kid.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m cut out to be the coach,” Sehun half mumbles. Wetting his lips, he lets the idea sit on the tip of his tongue, smoothing back and forth over the chapped skin of his lips.

It’s not that Sehun doesn’t love skiing, doesn’t still go hunting for better equipment when he can, and doesn’t drive Minseok up a wall when he visits arguing why cross country is better than downhill. It’s more that Sehun always saw himself as the teacher of a subject, not a sport.

“What if I suck at it?”

It takes Jongin a moment before he’s bursting out into high incredulous laughter. His face twists, creasing into laughter as his jaw drops and Sehun is reminded none too gently of when he first heard Jongin laugh without restriction. It’s just as startlingly upsetting now as it was then, except this time it makes Sehun smile rather than drop his lunch box in a snowbank.

“You’re an idiot,” Jongin laughs, shaking his head and throwing his chewed up straw at Sehun.

“Rude,” Sehun sighs, rolling his eyes and lifting his tea to his lips. The sweet taste is comforting, pulling his thoughts back as he looks at Jongin’s jersey without seeing it really. In truth, it sounds like fun, the idea of teaching not only material he loves, but a sport that he’s passionate about.

 _Coaching isn’t teaching,_ , flickers into his mind again, Jia’s voice clear and definite in his head. _The lines aren’t the same. You have to be careful when it comes to doing both. ‘Coach’ isn’t the same as ‘Mr. Oh’._.

Still, it could be fun, and Sehun hadn’t really taken on the job this year expecting it to be quiet or relaxed. He’d taken the high school position for a change, for a challenge, to make sure he stayed. The worst that could happen is Sehun says no and regrets it. Or he gets fired. 

Swallowing as that thought passes through his mind, Sehun realizes he already knows the answer he’ll give tomorrow morning. Apparently, Jongin does too, judging from the shit-eating grin on his face.

“I knew it,” Jongin says, beginning to laugh again as Sehun flicks his straw wrapper at him.

“Shut up,” Sehun tells him, but smiles none the less.

Among all the ‘what if’s?’ that swim around in his head, there’s still that same niggling pressure of ‘watch me’ that Sehun feels thrumming under his bones. It’s a bit like hill climbing, except, just like so many other things in his life, this is yet another metaphorical hill he’s itching to conquer.

❉

The sun is a temptation as it shines in from the windows surrounding the corner room on the third floor. It’s been pulling the attention of about half the kids in the classroom since second period and it’s just _asking_ for a lesson to be taken outside. If not to help the students get a bit of last fresh air before the rain forecasted to hit for the next three days, then at least to stop distracting them from the assignment.

“Would anyone like to explain what their group came up with?” Sehun asks patiently, sitting in his rolling chair in the center of the desks. He’d set them up that week for the unit they’re doing in a horseshoe formation. It’s easier to get group discussions going this way, and to make sure he can monitor all of them.

 _Keep an eye on the kids in the back_ , had been Kyungsoo’s comment when Sehun had told him what he was doing for that week. _They’re the ones that will end up getting lost in the lesson_.

Sehun appreciates Kyungsoo’s constant stream of almost degrading and blunt advice nearly every morning. There have been many times that it’s saved his ass in the classroom. Truthfully, Sehun is extremely grateful that Kyungsoo still looks out for him. It had, after all, been Kyungsoo to put in the reference for him to get a job here.

Sehun stares around his classroom, at all of the students who are very pointedly looking anywhere but at him. “Anyone at all?” Sehun asks. “Or do I have to start calling on people?”

Silence. If Sehun didn’t know any better, he’d think he was in the room alone, without students as his class pretends they aren't there and he can’t see them.

Of course, this is also the class that had been called down for a noise complaint last week when Sehun had tried to simulate a ‘trial run’ on their current text and they’d all ended up screaming _”kill the weak link!”_ while trying to execute Yibo. It had been an eye-opening experience for everyone.

Sehun learned that he should never run a simulation with the lower groups on _Lord of the Flies_ and Yibo learned how to deliver a really impressive right hook straight into Kunpimook’s overly excited face. Of course, Sehun had to send him down to the counseling office (with Kunpimook and his bleeding nose) to enforce that his classroom doesn’t support violent retaliation to a classmate’s comments, but a part of Sehun had been proud of Yibo.

An extremely quiet never to be heard part of him that would get him fired if he ever admitted it to the other staff (except Jia, who seems to understand him on a strange metaphysical level).

It’s that incident which has Sehun ignoring Kyungsoo’s advice as he instead placed the ‘back row kids’ directly in front under his careful watch. “Yugyeom?” he asks, looking at the boy as Yugyeom attempts to hide himself behind his copy of _Lord of the Flies_. Sehun gives him points for trying, considering the book is barely the size of Yugyeom’s fist.

“Uh,” Yugyeom says, cheeks a bright pink as he looks up at Sehun and then away as fast as possible. “Well, uh. That they’re cannibals?”

“Okay,” Sehun says slowly, nodding his head. He can work with this, or at least he’ll try. “But are you sure they’re cannibals?” _Especially considering no one is said to have been eaten_ , Sehun adds in his head, but tries to be as patient as possible without crushing Yugyeom’s spirit. He’s actually talking for once, and Sehun’s not about to stop that.

Class participation is thirty percent of the grade after all.

“Probably,” Yugyeom says, and appears encouraged by how Sehun hasn’t told him flat out _no, they’re not cannibals_. “I mean, they wouldn’t have shown their human flesh eating desires if they hadn’t been suck on the island, and once they got there, it just sort of awoke within them! Like a parasite or something.”

“Yeah!” Kunpimook says, joining in and punching Yugyeom in the arm as Sunyoung gives him a disgusted look. “Like the alien fetus monster from _Alien!_ ”

“Well,” Sehun says, and tries to figure out how to return this to the actual discussion topic. _What does Simon mean when he suggests that the beast is only the boys themselves?_ “I’m not sure it’s exactly like an extraterrestrial parasitic monster that-“

“Mr. Oh,” Sunyoung says, raising her hand and looking frustrated in general with the boys.

“Yes,” Sehun says, nodding to her.

“Can we just _please_ stop talking about cannibals?” she says, and casts Yugyeom a superior look. “I mean, they didn’t even eat each other. They just killed each other. It has nothing to do with alien parasites!”

“But what if the whole reason they were killing each other and did all of this is because they were infected by alien parasites?” Kunpimook argues back before Sehun can answer. “I mean, how do you know that wasn’t the whole point of the book? To warn us against alien invaders!”

“I can just say,” Sehun interrupts before Sunyoung can do something that will require him to send her to the guidance office. “That there is no alien symbolism in this.”

“So I was wrong?” Yugyeom asks, and looks relatively put out.

“You had a very creative answer,” Sehun tells him, and smiles reassuringly, trying not to dishearten him. 

It had been something he had to get used to, especially after working over the last few years with the gifted and talented programs as an Ed Tech in the middle school. Those kids had jumped on him for topic discussions, ripping apart the texts and delving into the deeper meanings. They had laughed when Sehun would acknowledge mistakes, but grow from them without getting frustrated and disheartened.

Working with freshman and sophomore classes and students in the ‘lower levels’ is an entirely different experience. Until this year, Sehun hadn’t had to work with language barriers or special education IEP meetings, or students who landed themselves in detention at least once a week. With these kids, Sehun can’t point out a wrong answer. Here, everyone is correct, and positive student enforcement and learning is the rule.

It’s a lot to get used to, and Sehun, despite how he feels like he’s going to fall flat on his face some days, actually kind of loves it.

There’s something extremely rewarding about seeing Kunpimook understand the significance of the conch shell by the time class is over. Watching Yibo actually write full answers into his worksheets without spelling mistakes and actually raise his hand to ask a question is like winning a war when he’d dropped into this class with a half hearted grasp of language. 

“Mr. Oh?” has Sehun looking up after dismissing the kids to lunch. Holding his books to his chest, Yibo is frowning, as if unsure if it’s really okay for him to be approaching him.

“Yes, Yibo? Can I help you?” Sehun asks, putting down the lunch he’d just pulled from under his desk.

“I still don’t understand all this,” Yibo says, frowning as he holds up the corrected essay he’d turned in last week. He’d been given extra time to complete it, agreed upon when Soojung had approached him explaining the circumstances for Language Learners and Yibo’s assessment plans. “Can I come after school again?”

Today, Sehun was supposed to meet with Kyungsoo and go over the schedule for the final assessments for midterms after work. It’s also the day that Boa had given him to submit his final decision on whether he takes the coaching position and Sehun, even after days of flip flopping, still isn’t sure what will come out of his mouth when he meets with the Principal. 

“Sure, I’ll meet you after sixth period and we can go over what it is you’re stuck on,” Sehun says, with a smile and Yibo visibly unwinds, a hint of a smile on his lips as he nods, and scurries off to lunch, twiggy limbs and all. 

Since the first day of school and set up, Sehun has felt a bit like the new kid in the teaching staff. The other teachers are welcoming enough, some of them overly friendly, like Jonghyun and Jia had been as soon as Kyungsoo dragged him into the teacher’s room that first day. Some, Sehun still hasn’t really talked to, or only talked to in passing.

It’s been a few months at school, and despite trying to get to know all of the staff, Sehun is still pretty much sitting at the same table with Jia and Kyungsoo, trying to make the most of his lunch break. 

“So, Sehun,” startles him from laughing at a joke Jonghyun has just made to look down the table. He blinks, feeling extremely self-conscious when Boa looks at him, a polite smile on her lips as she unpacks her lunch easily. “Did you decide?”

Swallowing down a bite of tuna sandwich, Sehun wets his lips, trying to ignore as the other teachers listen in. Clenching and unclenching his hands on the table as the sudden twang of nervousness spikes through him, Sehun smiles as best he can and hopes the correct answer comes out of his mouth.

“I’ll do it,” he says, and supposes that’s the correct response. It’s a bit like flipping a coin, trusting the answer that comes out of his mouth to be the right one when he just lets go. Almost every time, it feels right. Almost. “I think it’ll be fun.”

“Are you sure?” Boa asks, and even if her tone is light, her eyes are sharp. Beside her, one of the history teachers is watching him intently, a curious intrigue on his face. “I know you’re still settling in, and I just want to make sure you’re prepared for the coaching commitment.”

“I can do it,” Sehun says, and the confidence in his own voice helps to boost his own sense of security. It's always been like this, where it’s easier to just let himself talk and not think too hard about the words coming out of his mouth. When he thinks too hard about what he’s saying, it always ends up coming out wrong. “I look forward to the opportunity to coach the cross country ski team.”

That seems to be a satisfactory answer for Boa, as she sits back with a smile and a nod, looking pleased. “Alright then,” she says, and turns to the man beside her and lays a professional hand on his shoulder. “You should probably talk with Junmyeon later about all of this. He worked with the previous coach the most and can fill you in on the details. I’ll expect a full announcement about the team, sign ups, practice times and field bookings by the end of next week.” She smiles. “Then we can get them in the paper before the fall musical is over.”

“Thank you,” Sehun says, gratitude humming through him as his smile spreads easily over his face. Turning to the man beside Boa, Junmyeon, Sehun wets his lips and tries to push down the feeling of intimidation he gets from the older teacher.

There isn’t a lot that he knows about Junmyeon, aside from how he and Kyungsoo work together on most of their units and his supposed strict adherence to school dress code policies. Other than that, he’s been the one teacher at the school who doesn’t really try to be nice or friendly with Sehun. Just a polite hello when Sehun first got here before he went about setting up his room and offering a few choice words of ‘wisdom’.

The complete lack of communication and socialization has Sehun wondering if he’s welcome to talk, or if he just wants to be let alone. If it’s okay for him to talk to Junmyeon, if he’s waiting for him, or just wants to keep distance between them.

It feels distinctly like being ignored without actually being ignored.

Now though, Junmyeon is watching him expectantly, like he knows Sehun is fighting with opening his mouth to ask about his schedule and why he’s working with him in the first place.

“I worked with Donghae for the last few years before he left,” Junmyeon explains before Sehun can open his mouth. “I coach the Alpine team, so we’ll need to coordinate schedules a bit to make sure we don’t overlap on practices, especially where our combi skiers are concerned.” He smiles at Sehun’s answering silence, his eyes almost flashing in amusement. “You do know what combi is, right?”

Snapping out of whatever lock it is in his head, Sehun nods, sitting back and trying to breath out the intimidation in his skin. “Of course,” he says, smiling as he meets Junmyeon’s bright eyes. “Those who do both.” Shaking out his hand from the tuna sandwich he’d been eating, Sehun holds it out to Junmyeon. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Junmyeon says with a pleasant smile. He doesn’t shake Sehun’s hand, and it leaves him feeling oddly defeated when Junmyeon turns and drops the conversation, leaving Sehun silent and alone between Jia and Kyungsoo.

✦

_”You want us to_ what? _”_

_Chanyeol lets out a soft whine, slumping over the lunch table and reaching towards them with a pleading look in his eye. “Come on,” he almost begs. It’s absolutely pathetic. “It’ll be fun! And great exercise, and then you can still be in shape when you go for track in the spring, Sehun!”_

_“What about dance?” Jongin asks, frowning at their friend as Chanyeol lies on the table. “Won’t practice interfere with-“_

_“I thought you weren’t doing dance team this year,” Chanyeol says, frowning at Jongin._

_Jongin’s expression darkens and he mumbles something about the instructor changing and how he’s unsure or whatever. Sehun can’t really hear him, especially since Taemin has chosen that exact moment to practically scream into laughter at something Jinri said beside Sehun and has left him feeling significantly abused._

_“So why not just join?” Chanyeol says, his voice a little softer, and a lot more begging. “It’ll be a new experience, and a new sport! If you don’t like it, then you can just quit.”_

_“Who even does this sport?” Sehun asks, sitting back and wincing as Taemin yells in laughter again. “I thought everyone did, like, downhill or something. I thought _you_ skied downhill. What is this cross country bullshit?”_

_“Hippies,” Taemin says, leaning into Sehun’s side with a leer and a can of grape soda. “It’s the hippie team. All of them just lame ass tree huggers who build snowmen.” Chanyeol is frowning at him. “What, they are,” Taemin laughs, sipping his soda in Sehun’s unappreciative face._

_“It’s a good sport,” Chanyeol defends, and seems a bit encouraged when Sehun shoves Taemin out of his space. It’s a little hard to explain Sehun just doesn’t want Taemin_ near _him rather than how he’s supportive of the idea of joining the cross country ski team. “I think it’d be really fun. And if we all know each other, then we can all have fun together and support each other during the races.”_

_“And sing Kumbaiya and make friendship bracelets,” Taemin snorts and Chanyeol’s expression falls again._

_Sehun is about to open his mouth and say no, try to get Chanyeol to_ stop _because this is just stupid and the whole table is now looking ready to start taunting when Jongin shrugs. “Okay,” Jongin says, and Sehun’s voice dies in his mouth. “If we don’t like it, we can quit, right?” Sehun is still trying to drag his voice back into his mouth when Jongin turns to him, a soft look of panic in his eyes that screams_ please don’t leave me to do this alone please be my best friend and save me _. “Right, Sehun?”_

_“Right,” Sehun says weakly, and the smile he gives Chanyeol feels even weaker. There isn’t even snow on the ground yet, and apparently practice starts in two weeks? How the hell are they supposed to start training without snow? “Sure, why not.”_

_“Lame,” Taemin snorts from beside them, and, to all their surprise, it’s Jongin who throws an apple core at him before bursting out laughing at Taemin’s shocked face._

_The snakes that twist in Sehun’s stomach are still there when Chanyeol finally pulls back into his seat, grinning widely and looking relieved. They writhe into his chest when Chanyeol starts to talk about what cross country skiing is like, who is on the team, what the races are like, and the equipment they need._

_“It’ll be great though,” Chanyeol tells them as Jongin listens and Sehun pushes down the apprehensive bubble in his chest. “You’ll love it, I promise.”_

_“We’ll see,” Sehun tells him as Jongin sinks back into their reading assignment for next week, a soft smile on his face as he leans into Sehun’s side. Chanyeol still hasn’t stopped smiling, his encouragement at getting them to join still shining on his face._

_The snakes are still writhing and haven’t calmed down when Chanyeol leads them to the sign up sheet in the front hall of the school, on the sports bulletin board, and he signs his name on a list that looks upsettingly short._

_“Are you sure about this?” Sehun asks Jongin, watching as Chanyeol waves farewell on his way to his afternoon classes. Jongin bites his lip, frowning a bit before he sighs, dropping his head to watch his toes scuffing against the tiled floor._

_“Why not?” he asks back, shrugging his shoulders before walking off towards their afternoon elective class. “It could be fun.”_

_Rolling his eyes as Jongin looks entirely unconvincing with a soft pout, Sehun sighs and swings his arm around Jongin’s shoulder. It’s easier to just ignore his own nervous gut when Jongin is here, distracting him with the promise of possibly falling asleep in photography class again. “Yeah, sure,” Sehun scoffs, letting the snakes dance away as Jongin punches him lightly in the side._

❉

This coming weekend is the opening weekend for the school musical. The entire school is almost in a panic, so much that there hadn’t really been a great amount of time for Sehun to get away from Yixing asking him to help with stage set up and keeping his ‘musical children’ out of the line of fire in class. It’s one of the biggest events in the school year, where the regular teaching staff has a panic attack as Yixing and his husband end up completely dominating the calendar with rehearsals, dress rehearsals, and demanding all the teachers not push their performers too much with essays and extra work.

It’s a welcome respite to get away from Kyungsoo’s fuming over how he had to push back his unit to ‘accommodate’ and wind his way out to the equipment room. Really, the equipment room is nothing more than the storage shed for the groundskeepers at the school. Aside from the lawn mowers, the tractors, and the mess of physical education supplies that Jinki stores in here, there are also two snowmobiles and a section of the room that’s portioned off for the ski gear.

Walking into the room from the chilled early November air, it’s a bit nostalgic to flick on the lights and take in the familiar wall of cross country skies, the lockers full of wax and waxing irons, and the tarps all folded up in a corner. While Sehun may have his own set up at home, there’s nothing quite like the organized materials of a waxing area for a team.

“You’re early.”

Turning around, Sehun catches sight of an unfamiliar woman smiling at him from the door he’d left open. She’s wearing a sports jacket, zipped up to her chin, and black spandex running pants. The black hair that falls around her pretty face is cropped short, just above her shoulders, and she smiles as she walks into the room in confident steps and holds out her hand.

“Sunyoung?” Sehun tests, taking her hand and shaking it.

She laughs, a relaxed and pleasant sound as she nods. “And you’re Sehun, right? Or do you prefer being called ‘Mr. Oh’? I remember with Donghae it was always ‘Coach Lee’ or ‘Mr. Lee’ and, in the case of some of the boys, just ‘Coach’.”

“Just Sehun is fine,” Sehun tells her, smiling a bit and feeling his apprehension about meeting the assistant coach abating slightly. Talking to Sunyoung on the phone and in email had been a nice preface before they met, but it’s always a bit nerve wracking to meet people for the first time. Sehun’s gotten better at it over the years, but it still takes time.

“Alright, Sehun,” Sunyoung says. “And I go by Sunyoung, or Luna to some of our students, but that’s mostly to the Tennis team in the spring.”

“Do you do all the sports?” Sehun asks, smiling as she leads him further into the room.

“No,” she says, laughing a bit. “I just help out with Nordic. Tennis is all mine though. They’re my champions.”

“And the Nordic team isn’t?” Sehun asks, eyebrows raising.

“You-“ Sunyoung fixes him with a look, and then laughs. “You really don’t know much about this team do you.” She shakes her head, her hair falling into her face briefly. “You’re the new teacher this year, right?” She grins. “Fresh meat, I guess.”

“Not exactly a term I’d like to use for myself, but I suppose that’s what they typically call new staff,” Sehun sighs, crossing his arms over his chest. Sunyoung is interesting, both friendly and bright but also imposing, a confidence about her that doesn’t fade. “What about my future team?”

“They’ve never placed well,” Sunyoung says. “Every year, they pretty much come in last. Two years back, the seniors gave us our first ever slogan.’

“Do I even want to know?”

“ _Here at Lux High, we come in last so no one else has to,_ ” Sunyoung recites and then laughs with a bit of a dismayed edge to her voice. “I swear, when Donghae first heard them using it, he was so upset.”

“Because of the implications?” Sehun asks.

“No,” Sunyoung laughs. “Because it was so accurate.” She keeps laughing, and Sehun can’t help but join in himself. “You’ve got a bit of a challenge ahead of you, not going to lie. Especially since you’ll be working with Junmyeon.”

“Yeah?” Sehun asks, the name of the other coach sliding uncomfortably in his mind. The last time he’d run into Junmyeon, it had almost seemed forced how Junmyeon had smiled at him. Friendly, but never exceeding the feeling of ‘coworkers’ rather than ‘comfortable’.

Sighing, Sunyoung smiles at him again, her eyes dancing. “You’ll find out, I guess.” Clapping her hands, she steps back. “Anyway, we’re not here to gossip -“

“Though it is fun,” Sehun tries, and is pleased when Sunyoung gives him a warm look rather than a dismissive one. “But equipment is more important.”

“If you want to raise this team to anything that’s similar to the Alpine’s reputation, then yeah, you’re going to have to be on top of equipment,” Sunyoung tells him. “And I suppose I should warn you before we start making a list of supplies we need to order. Our program isn’t like the Alpine team. We don’t get half their budget.”

“Why?”

“Because we don’t rank as the second best team in the State,” Sunyoung says. “And we’ve never had a skier go onto the Olympics or any major qualifying event.”

“And Alpine has?” Sehun asks, shocked and impressed at the news.

“I suggest you read up on that before you really meet with Junmyeon,” Sunyoung says, her eyes dancing in amusement. “He likes to have his ego stroked when it comes to the success of his team.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sehun says, filing that away among the mounds of information he has to keep track of in his head. Grading, classes, lesson plans, coaching schedules, social gatherings, and now special attention to a coach he’s barely going to be working with who avoids him at school despite how his classroom is just one hallway down. “Now,” Sehun says, shaking away from the topic of Junmyeon. “Talk to me about what we need to get to make sure we’re ready for the season. You definitely know more about this equipment room than I do.”

Sunyoung’s eyes dance. “I have a feeling we’re going to get along well,” she tells him.

“That’s good to hear,” Sehun says honestly, edging seriousness into his voice. “At least it isn’t just me.”

Sunyoung laughs again. Two hours later, Sehun is the one laughing in futility as he looks at the state of their equipment, the supplies they’re going to need, and the dismally small budget.

“How are we going to afford all of this?” he asks, eyes on the needed supplies and the lack of funds.

“Ski sale,” Sunyoung sighs, tapping a pen against her chin. “For that, you’ll also have to negotiate with Junmyeon.” She grins at him. “Good luck.”

“You keep telling me that,” Sehun almost grumbles as he looks over the papers again. “I feel like when I do actually sit down and talk with him, I’ll be eaten alive or something.”

“No,” Sunyoung says slowly, and when Sehun looks up at her, she has a sort of contemplative look on her face. “When are you meeting with him?”

“Tuesday, after work and sign ups go up.”

Humming softly, Sunyoung puts down the bars of ski wax she’s been holding in her hands, the half used material in chunks all shoved into the supply locker. “He’s not scary,” Sunyoung says. “Just try to get on his good side.”

“Any tips?”

“Don’t tell him Nordic is better than Alpine,” Sunyoung says, and laughs when Sehun sighs and rolls his eyes at her. “I know, I know. It _is_ better, but you’ll never convince him of that.”

“Good to know,” Sehun says. “I’ll let him live in delusion then.” The tension has lifted almost entirely, the soft feeling of first meetings faded into nothing as Sunyoung laughs again and Sehun smiles without fear.

❉

Four years ago when Sehun was finishing up his undergraduate degree and trying to scrape together rent with Jongin, salvation arrived in the form of Chanyeol. While student debt and too little cash from part time jobs had ended Jongin and Sehun in a panic, Chanyeol had stepped in and offered to split rent with them. It had restored some of the old balance the three of them had back in high school, and it had taken off a huge amount of stress when they’d moved in with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo.

That had been when Sehun met Kyungsoo, learned about his accelerated program into education, and felt like there was a future for himself. Since he was young, Sehun had known he wanted to do something in education, whether it was child development, or teaching, he hadn’t known until settling into his college courses and realizing how much he loved it.

The courses weren’t his favorite, but by the time he reached Senior year and got into the classroom, he was hooked. The model of Kyungsoo, already out of school and working in a reformed school teaching high school language arts had been something of hope for Sehun.

It had just made sense for them all to live together, Kyungsoo bringing back papers to grade and Sehun and Jongin settling into the quiet of the house to do their homework. It was usually late that Chanyeol would get back from work, smelling like baby powder and looking exhausted, but happy.

“Kids,” he’d sigh every time Jongin would ask if he’d had a good day. It always sounded dreamy, and Sehun almost understood what he meant (though not really because Chanyeol worked with little things that screamed and cried and, while Sehun likes kids, twenty of them in one room would be overwhelming).

It had developed into a kind of routine between them, while Kyungsoo would spend his evenings grading papers over coffee and Jongin would end up immersed in coursework, that Sehun and Chanyeol would just leave. It worked better for the two of them anyway, Chanyeol needing to be active and itching for motion and Sehun who thought clearer when his feet were pounding a rhythm on a treadmill.

Weeknight hours at the local university sponsored gym in the final year of university had turned into weeknights stolen between job shifts and long days at the daycare. It turned into their thing, where Jongin sometimes joined and sometimes didn’t, and Kyungsoo almost always just waved them off when they asked.

“You sure?” Chanyeol asked, slightly out of breath as he steps off the treadmill and watches as Sehun keeps on. “I thought you had assignments to grade.”

“I do,” Sehun pants, heart pounding in a constant rhythm in his chest as he keeps running. A few weeks ago, he’d started to go back on track, back into the old rhythm of training, increasing gradually until the burn in his muscles was welcome rather than hindering. “But practice starts in two weeks.”

“You sure it’s not too much?” Chanyeol asks. “I mean, you’re already doing the whole intro thing, first year teaching and supervising and adapting and all that stuff. Isn’t it taking a bit too much on to be coaching too?”

“What are you, my mother?” Sehun huffs, watching as Chanyeol brings over weights to train and keep talking. “I can handle it.”

“You know if you fall behind on grading, Kyungsoo isn’t going to step up and help you,” Chanyeol reminds.

“Then I’ll just ask you,” Sehun says simply. He’s been running for about twenty minutes, his heart rate at a good level and he can feel the rhythm set into his endurance, just right. “You don’t bring work home.”

“I don’t really fancy getting arrested for kidnapping,” Chanyeol muses, and grins when Sehun rolls his eyes at him.

While Sehun and Kyungsoo had gone into secondary education, Chanyeol had turned around and done the exact opposite and settled himself in a classroom of four year olds. While Sehun and Jongin had taken jobs that took up most of their time, Chanyeol had filled up his free spaces with extra things, all focused back to things he loved. 

Truthfully, Sehun doesn’t really know how he does it, balancing his daycare practice with the programs he hosts at the local radio station, designing new lessons and interactive units for his kids during the week and mapping out entire ratio sections devoted to kids classical education. It’s like watching a train that won’t stop, and Sehun sometimes gets the impression that Chanyeol is afraid of slowing down, that if he stops, he won’t know how to start again.

It helps that Jongin is around, making sure Chanyeol sleeps by kicking him from the kitchen table late at night and grumbling about wasting electricity and not sleeping. On nights like that, usually Sehun is up too, grading papers or designing a new core lesson. It’s been a while since Jongin bothered to try to get him to go to bed too, though Sehun knows it’s just not the same.

He’s not Chanyeol, and it doesn’t matter to Jongin as much if Sehun stays up until one in the morning like it does if Chanyeol does. 

“Again,” Sehun reminds, and grins when Chanyeol throws him a dark look.

“That was an accident,” Chanyeol says, frowning.

“I still can’t believe that happened,” Sehun says, and puffs a smile through his teeth. He has another twenty minutes before he can get off the treadmill.

“I can’t just leave a kid at the center,” Chanyeol sighs, putting down the weights he’d been using to tone his arms. “And I had Jinri with me. I’m not stupid enough to take a kid with me alone. Everyone knows not to do that.”

“You still should have called her parents,” Sehun reminds.

“Yeah, and Kyungsoo shouldn’t give candy out to kids who get perfect scores on their papers,” Chanyeol grumbles.

“It’s motivation,” Sehun defends, even if he himself knows the practice isn’t the greatest. The schools are already fighting to have kids moving away from crap food.

“Promise me if you start giving out prizes-“

“They’re post it notes and pencils, I promise,” Sehun huffs, and shakes his bangs from his eyes. They stick to his forehead, the sweat catching and making him pant as he feels it trickle down his back. “Besides, I can’t adopt a new system from the one I have now until next year.”

At the beginning of every academic year, teachers spend the first month or so setting up their ‘classroom culture’. This is when they enforce rules, the behavior in the classroom, etiquette, and overall environment in the room. The unspoken rule is that during those first two months, you’re a hard ass to make sure those rules don’t waver and the kids learn them. By the second week, Sehun already had a problem in half his classes with students blurting out answers and it had begun to unravel.

It’s been hell trying to reel it all back in, and get the kids to stop calling him ‘Newbie’ in his lower level classrooms.

“Things okay?” Chanyeol asks, pausing as he shifts to the standing bike a few machines away. “At school and everything.”

“Well, as long as Kyungsoo doesn’t tell me ‘I have to earn their respect’ one more time, it’s great,” Sehun huffs, and winces at the bitter edge to his voice.

“Ignore Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says easily, as if it’s that simple to just brush off Sehun’s supposed superior at the school. While Sehun covers most of the lower level freshman and sophomore classes, Kyungsoo takes the honors level, having a Junior section all to himself that he collaborates with Junmyeon on.

It’s probably why Kyungsoo keeps giving him strange looks when Sehun mentions how Junmyeon appears ‘chilly’ to him. _”Sehun, he’s just a normal teacher”_ hadn’t been remotely helpful.

“It’s kind of hard to do that,” Sehun reminds. “Considering I work _and_ see him all the time outside of work.” He huffs, grimacing as his time falters as he talks too much. Damnit. “I blame Jongin.”

“Don’t blame Jongin for your own problems,” Chanyeol defends easily, and Sehun almost longs for the days when Kyungsoo still lived with them. Those days had been a bit easier, when there was a sort of buffer between himself and the strange sort of entity that is Jongin and Chanyeol. Before he felt more alone than usual in his own house full of people.

“Who else am I supposed to blame?” Sehun teases, but it falls flat. “And really, things aren’t that bad. I just have to finish up everything before the season starts.”

“And you can handle all of it?” Chanyeol asks.

While Sehun knows Chanyeol is just checking in on him, making sure he’s okay, it’s still a bit irritating. Sehun isn’t the same overworked college senior that he had been, and he’s not the same as he had been a year ago struggling between jobs and trying to figure out how to get a stable teaching position. Sehun knows Chanyeol is just trying to help, to offer the support that they both know he’s not around for as much as he once was. Once, when it was Chanyeol and Sehun that were friends before Sehun introduced him to Jongin and things started to change.

“I can handle it,” Sehun says, and turns away as he focuses on the final sprint on the treadmill.

Once the season starts, he’ll probably have to start bringing papers with him to the gym, grading them like he used to do for his assignments in school. Running and listening to music as he propped textbooks against the control panel had been how Sehun made it through Senior year. That and a lot of late night chocolate cake snacks.

It’s not quite the same, being the one standing at the front of the classroom, and the work levels are different, but some of the old habits are still there. Sehun still finds it more comforting to have Chanyeol near him, checking in as he moves between machines and Sehun runs until he’s sweat through his shirt.

It lets him clear his head, mind pulling away from sitting too focused on the small things that happened during the week and bringing everything into clarity.

Next week, the musical officially ends and Sehun has his first practice session with his team. The sign up sheet had come back with thirteen names on the list along with health forms and shoe size next to some of the names. Next week, the real season begins, and Sehun will have to have everything ready to go, meeting students he’s never seen before and introducing himself again for another season.

“Hey,” has him looking up once he stops the treadmill, breaths hot in his mouth and skin burning with sweat and exertion. Chanyeol smiles at him as he holds out a water bottle. “You’ll be fine.”

“That’s what you should have said in the first place,” Sehun tells him, but smiles in gratitude anyway as he takes the bottle and wipes the sweat from his face, tasting salt on his lips.

Even now, as Sehun walks a cool down around the gym to calm down his heart before he works on the rowing machine, a part of him wonders if the nervous crawl in his stomach is because of coaching, or because of memories of other first days in his past.

Shaking his head from the old cloying memories, faces and old voices he hasn’t heard in years sifting through his head, Sehun sighs and walks over to the rowing machine. “Don’t over do it,” he whispers to himself, setting his feet into the holds and breathing out.

Still, it’s easier to push too hard than to pace himself and run into things rather than think them through. Sehun just hopes that he remembers that this time.

✦

_The equipment room is hot, almost stuffy compared with how cool and crisp the air is outside. Despite how hot it is, they’re all still shoved into the space, most of the new team members all crowded on one end of the benches while the more seasoned members spread out, a few of the seniors and juniors standing and looking around._

_They remind Sehun of hungry sharks, waiting to sink their teeth into him and shred him as soon as they get outside._

_Whatever he’d heard of for cross country skiing, it hadn’t been this. This was supposed to be the yuppy sport. He’d expected a bunch of people all semi-dedicated to racing and skiing and mostly just playing around in the snow. It wasn’t supposed to be serious like this. He also hadn’t expected one of the best athletes in the school to be on the team, looking like he was ready to slaughter anyone who tried to ask him why he was there. The team all seems nice, in their own way, but still, it has Sehun keeping his usually open mouth shut tight as he watches their coach look around with sharp eyes._

_“So,” their coach is saying, holding a clipboard with all their names on it. “If you didn't show up with running shoes today, you shouldn’t be here.” Sehun swallows, looking down at his sneakers and their complete lack of use for actual running. “This isn’t a joke of a sport, no matter what your peers have said. We take racing seriously here, and the first step of racing is to get in shape. You have to have your body ready to climb hills with sticks on your damn feet before you get near snow.”_

_“Can he say that?” Jongin whispers into Chanyeol’s ear, leaning a little closer even as he hunkers down, making himself even smaller against Chanyeol’s side._

_Chanyeol doesn’t answer, instead just shaking his head slightly at Jongin, indicating to_ shut up _and Sehun swallows._

_“We’re training every day,” their coach continues, looking around at the group. “Rain, shine, snow, hail, fog, sleet, it doesn’t matter. Same goes for weekends. You should be out running, rain or shine, so you’re ready for practice. The whole point of this sport is to race in temperatures that are below freezing, so you may as well get used to harsh climates. Whatever you run through in the next month and a half, I guarantee you’ll find worse conditions on an actual course.”_

_“And you’ll race through it,” adds one of the seniors, standing in the corner of the room. It’s hard not to know who he is. The whole damn school knows who he is. Minho Choi is_ the _athlete of the school. He does cross-country in the fall, apparently Nordic in the winter, and both track and soccer in the spring. He’s got more trophies than Sehun has ever seen with his name on them in the awards case in the arts wing of the school._

_It makes Sehun’s mouth dry to know they’ll be on the same team. How is he supposed to compete against that and not feel intimidated? Or distracted?_

_“Exactly,” their coach adds, and gives a phantom of a smile in Minho’s direction. “So, my job, and your job, is to get that into your heads. You’re here to race, to get the best times you can, to hone your skills until racing is in your blood.”_

_“Hard core,” whispers from one of the girls beside Sehun, and he glances to catch her grinning at her friend. She notices, and winks at him, sending a flush of embarrassment crawling over his cheeks._

_The next ten minutes are spent with instructions and guidelines. They have practice, every day, from the end of school until four thirty in the afternoon. They have to buy their own ski boots, get them sized and fit and then they can get skis and poles if they want. They have specific boots and bindings they’re going to use. There are_ brands _that Sehun has never heard of, made just for Nordic skiing._

_Once the coach is done explaining in short clipped tones what it is they’re doing for the year, he finally finishes up with a stern look at them all. “And you will call me ‘Coach’.”_

_“That’s it?” asks one of the girls near Sehun, the same one that had winked at him._

_“It’s ‘Coach’ or nothing,” their coach says with a firm look. “Any other questions?” in the corner, Minho ducks his head, and Sehun thinks he’s laughing under his breath._

_“I hate you,” Sehun tells Chanyeol as they walk out of the equipment room, urged into a jog as Coach follows and barks the command at them. “I hate you so much.”_

_“But you’re still here,” Chanyeol says, almost cheerfully as he starts to jog, turning onto the school’s athletic track. It catches Sehun a little off guard to see his eyes bright and almost excited, like he’s happy to be here, to be barked at by a coach who looks ready to fry them all alive. “Just give it a week. Then you can decide if you want to stay or not.”_

_“Ten laps!” Coach shouts over the team. “Pick up that pace! Minho! Give the break down to stragglers.”_

_‘Stragglers’ apparently means all the new team members, and Sehun tries to act like he isn’t short of breath when the senior jogs back to them looking unfazed by the exertion. “We’re doing alternates,” Minho says. “Five laps jogging and five laps walking. If you get tired, you can walk, but make sure you do ten laps in total.”_

_“And we won’t get penalized?” asks one of the girls, glancing back towards the coach._

_Minho laughs, and Sehun pants as he tries to keep up, jogging in their small group as Minho barely blinks. “He’s all bark and no bite,” Minho says, glancing back at their coach. “Just don’t try to tell him Alpine is better than Nordic, or he’ll paint the track with you.”_

_“That’s so reassuring,” Sehun huffs under his breath without thinking. His breath catches in his throat, embarrassment squeezing his windpipe as Minho turns to him and laughs, eyes creasing before he turns and runs ahead._

_“I’m quitting,” Sehun tells Jongin, panting already and his feet hurt as they pound against the track turf. It’s not warm enough to want to take off his windbreaker, but it’s not cold enough to feel like it’s too hot to have on._

_“Give it to the end of the week,” Jongin says, and Sehun glances at him with a frown as Jongin jogs beside him. “Like Chanyeol said.”_

_“I’m such a good friend to you,” Sehun grumbles under his breath, panting already, but keeps jogging and feeling heat prickle under his skin._

❉

There are nineteen kids in the equipment room. Some of them Sehun recognizes from classes, some of them definitely upperclassmen. Of course, it’s his kids that end up being rowdy, and Sehun holds back a sigh as he watches the clock tick towards two thirty and practice’s official start.

So far, it’s been an enlightening experience to see some of his students (like Jeongguk and Yugyeom) who are typically so quiet in class, seem to explode into life when introduced to their other friends. Of course, Sehun had known as soon as he looked at the sign up sheet and saw some familiar names that he’d have his hands full.

He just hadn’t really expected that Taehyung, Jimin, Jeongguk, and Jackson would all be able to make _this_ much noise. Or that rather than shut it down like they do in class, Hwasa and Sooyoung would make it _worse_.

“Excited yet?” Sunyoung asks, an amused smile playing about her mouth as she holds her clipboard against her chest, looking out at their future team. “Just so you know, don’t separate Mark and Jackson. They feed off of each other and practice better, and Hoseok will be missing for a lot for Alpine practices.”

“I took care of Alpine,” Sehun says, glancing down at his own clipboard. It’s filled with notes to himself, from his awkwardly polite meeting with Junmyeon last week and his own training methods. “There shouldn’t be too much problem with overlap.”

“Hoseok will be happy then,” Sunyoung muses, nodding with a sort of approving tilt to her lips. “He likes doing downhill, but I get the feeling he likes the atmosphere of Nordic more.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sehun tells her, looking out at the returning team members and wondering which one of them is ‘Hoseok’. “And I’ll mention it to Junmyeon if I need to.”

Sunyoung snorts, covering her face quickly with her clipboard as Yerim jerks to look over at her. “Good luck with that one.”

Amid the shouting of the room, Sehun chooses not to go against that comment and dig deeper. Now is not the time. Instead, he just raises his eyebrows at Sunyoung and steps away from her, into the chaos of his ‘team’. Raising the whistle hanging around his neck, Sehun watches as Yerim’s eyes go wide before she claps her hands over her ears.

She’s the only one though, and most of the team screams as he blows the whistle, the sound piercing through the din and Sehun almost feels bad when Taehyung falls off the benches and into Jimin.

Almost.

Smiling as he lowers the whistle, Sehun pushes down the snakes of reminiscent stage fright - race fright, and looks around at his team. “Hello.”

“Hello,” choruses back to him from most of the students in front of him. Some of the upperclassmen are silent, just watching him, sizing him up for how much they can push him.

“My name, as some of you know, is Mr. Oh,” Sehun continues. “From today on, you will call me either ‘Coach Oh’ or ‘Mr. Oh’.”

“We can’t use your real name?” asks one of the older boys, arms folded over his chest.

“No,” Sehun says, smiling pleasantly at him. “You may not.” Stepping back and looking around at the team, trying to keep a balance of ‘control’ and ‘companionable’, Sehun tries to meet the eyes of every one of the kids present. “From what I’ve heard, this sport has been treated a bit gently over the last few years.” One of the boys in the back rolls his eyes, weight shifting from his feet. Another yawns, looking perpetually half asleep. Sehun smiles wider. “This year, that’s going to change.”

A hand shoots up, and Sehun nods.

“I don’t think you understand,” one of the girls says, and laughs a little. “We’re here to have fun and ski. We’re not competition mongers like the Alpine team. They race because they want to chew everyone up. Here, we come in last so no one else has to.”

“Is that really what you want?” Sehun asks, looking out over the team. “You want to come in last and know after every race, you could have done better, could have had a better time, but you chose not to so someone else could win?” Silence greets him, and one of the boys is watching him now, his eyes sharp. “You want to let those other teams think they won because you _let them win_?” Silence again. “Fine.”

“Wait,” one of the girls says, frowning as she looks at him. “That’s it?”

“Sure,” Sehun says, shrugging and letting his hands drop. “If that’s what you want to do, then fine. You can ski on your own time and enjoy yourself and you can leave, right now. ”

No one moves, and Sehun takes a moment to look around the room, at the faces that don’t agree, some of the freshman and sophomores looking startled, Jeongguk downright pale. The older team members are all staring at him, their eyes flickering as if not sure if he’s serious. 

“No one?” Sehun asks, raising his eyebrows. In the corner of his eye, he can see Sunyoung watching him with a small perplexed frown. “Great.” He smiles, wide and pleased around the room. “I’m glad. I’m here to teach you how to ski, how to get better, how to get the most out of this sport and feel proud when you cross that race finish that you did the best race you could, not that you let someone else beat you.”

A hand goes up from one of the boys, the one that looks half asleep most of the time. He’s sitting next Taehyung and another boy, one that has been watching Sehun with finely tuned attention and his eyes hard, almost determined. “Excuse me,” the boy says, and Sehun nods. “Are you sure you can say shit like this? I mean-“ he shrugs, and sits up straighter. “We joined this team to have fun and enjoy the sport, not run around under some drill sergeant.”

“Exactly,” Sehun says. “Which is why I’m not making you call me ‘sir’.” A few of the girls giggle, and Sehun smiles. “I also ask that you clean up your language.”

“Who cares?” the kid asks, scoffing slightly.

“The judges along the trails who will pull you out of a race if you use profanity,” Sehun says seriously, and the kid’s expression falters, telling Sehun he already knew.

“I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to, and we are here to have fun, but from what I hear, you need an attitude change,” Sehun continues, watching as the kid sits back, as if not sure if he accepts the answer or not. “So far, you’ve been thinking that you’re not worth fighting to be the winners of the races. I think you can be, and I’m here to help you win.”

“Have you ever won?” the boy next to the sleepy kid asks, staring at Sehun.

“Yes,” Sehun tells him, smiling a big wider. “I have. And I can teach you how.”

Inside his chest, Sehun is shivering, his heart beating faster and he keeps his hands at his sides to keep them from shaking. It’s been a long time since he felt this kind of feeling, not since his very first day in front of a classroom, or his first race. It’s the same feeling though, that beginning adrenalin rush before he sets into a rhythm and a pace, pushing ahead into the course and towards the finish.

The sleepy kid suddenly smiles, claps his hands together and sits back. “Fantastic,” he says, clapping and looks back towards one of the other boys, the one with his arms crossed over his chest and looking like a courtroom official. “Sounds like fun.”

“So,” Sehun says, and can feel some of the tension ease out of the room. The upperclassmen seem to all look to the boy near the corner with his arms crossed over his chest for their cue. As he lets the tension go around his mouth, so do they all seem to unwind, and as they do, the first and second years all seem to let go of one collective breath. “Let’s get started.”

“Hey Coach,” Sunyoung calls, stepping up to his side after he’s taken attendance and gone over some basics before sending them all outside. A few of the kids are grumbling about running on the first day. Others, like the boy who asked him if he’d ever won (‘Hoseok’ he reminds himself), are loud and excited, jumping on their teammates and egging them on. 

“How am I doing?” Sehun asks her once he is sure the kids are out of earshot.

“I’d say you give Junmyeon a run for his money,” Sunyoung says. “Though he’s pretty hard to beat. It’s kind of like that but nicely smiling death when he does it.”

“Pleasant,” Sehun comments, watching as the captain, Jaebum, gets the team running. He’d been silent almost the entire introduction, standing in the corner with his arms crossed, but Sehun already knows the team sees him as their leader. And he sees himself as the same.

“I think you’ll do okay,” Sunyoung says. “Plus, you have me, so you’re extra well taken care of.”

“I’m so lucky,” Sehun tells her, and smiles at the laugh she rewards him with. Her hair is down today, just like most days, and it scatters a bit in the fall wind. “How many laps should we make them run?”

“It’s the first practice,” Sunyoung says, coming up to stand by the fence surrounding the track, watching as their team runs in a haphazard cluster. 

At the head of the pack is Jaebum, followed by Hoseok, Seokjin, Minah, and Seulgi. The Freshman, all except for Yugyeom, are in a sort of scared huddle at the back. They’re all still talking, and mostly separated with the boys ahead of the girls slightly, though some of them keep glancing back. “I say ten laps alternating to get them started, then we’ll do some drills. Sehun muses, looking out over his team and smiling. “I think we should at least let them think they should come back tomorrow, don’t you?”

“What’s tomorrow?” Sunyoung asks.

“Indian sprints,” Sehun tells her, smiling as the wind pushes into his hair and Sunyoung laughs. “For fun.”

❉

It’s a presentation day.

Presentations are something that some students love, and some students would rather give their kidney than do. It’s a really big ‘if’ when it comes to these kids, and Sehun sits in the back watching as his students step up in front of the class to give extemporaneous speeches.

The whole of the Freshman class has to do this, and Sehun almost pines for the simplicity of Jia’s class, where he’d seen them covering this unit last week. Perhaps the hardest part about all of this is that Sehun’s already behind with a few of his classes, trying to do recovery work on the last unit before they conquer the beast known as ‘Homer’.

This seemed like a good idea at first, giving each student a slip of paper with a topic on it to present to the class, and for the most part, everyone is doing relatively well.

And then there’s Seungyeon, who still refuses to take off his baseball cap as he stands at the front of the class and writes in huge red letters on the board ‘BLEACH’.

“Alright,” Sehun says, his ankle hooked atop his knee, resting his grading papers on his lap. “Whenever you’re ready. You have one minute.”

“Yah,” Seungyeon says, and nods, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Okay?” Sehun says, glancing at the clock. “Go.”

Seungyeon takes in a deep breath, looks at his fellow classmates, and says: “Bleach.”

Silence.

“Bleach is super useful.” Sehun keeps smiling. He must keep smiling. “It makes your clothes clean. Like white. And stuff. Even if it smells like shit.” Sehun docks a point sadly for profanity usage and makes a note on his score, holding back a wince. “It’s awesome.”

Seungyeon grins, and shifts his weight. “I like bleach.”

Silence.

Seungyeon is staring straight at Sehun, and Sehun allows a short pause before he asks, “done?”

“Yeah,” Seungyeon says, and grins widely.

“I see,” Sehun says, trying not to frown. “So, your topic was bleach.”

“Yeah.”

“And your thesis was?”

“I like bleach,” Seungyeon answers.

“But you started your speech with ‘bleach is super useful’,” Sehun reminds him. “You didn’t begin with saying you liked bleach.”

“So?”

It takes a massive amount of effort for Sehun not to roll his eyes and sigh, instead smiling as kindly as he can at Seungyeon. To the side of the room, he can see Sooyoung and Yerim whispering together, Sooyoung looking extremely unimpressed by Seongyeon and Yerim holding back ‘the giggles’.

“So,” Sehun says. “You need to repeat your thesis when you end your speech. You gave me your topic, ‘bleach’, and then your thesis ‘it’s super useful’, and then your supports for it. To finish the speech, you need to go back to why you told me all the great stuff about bleach, by repeating ‘it’s super useful’.”

“Okay,” says Seungyeon. “Bleach is super useful. The end!”

“Awesome,” Sehun says, and just lets it go for the moment. They’re running this unit again tomorrow and he’ll try to give Seungyeon a different topic. He knows Seungyeon isn’t usually this unmotivated to work in class, and he at least gave his speech. 

It hadn’t been like earlier this morning when Youngjae had stood in front of the class in complete silence for his entire minute before running to the bathroom to throw up. It hadn’t been a nice morning, especially when Jeongguk had mimed throwing up as soon as Youngjae left the room.

“Next?”

For a moment, the whole class looks ready to panic. Then the lunch bell rings, and Sehun lets out a sigh as the whole class seems to explode in relief at being let off the hook. “Remember!” he calls over the mad scramble out the door. “I want you to have finished the first two chapters of _The Odyssey_ by tomorrow and we’ll work on speeches first thing!” Watching as his students ignore him, Sehun gives those that look over to him a weak smile. “And anyone who didn’t sign up earlier, you’re still welcome to come by the cross country ski team practice today!”

“Fat chance,” someone laughs and Sehun closes his eyes, sitting back in his chair and letting out a long breath.

“Bad time?”

Sitting up, Sehun opens his eyes and immediately widens them when he sees who’s leaning against the door. Almost faltering, Sehun sits up, uncrossing his legs and standing from his desk in the back. “Hey,” he says, feeling slightly shaky, as if he’d been caught slacking off.

Technically, he was, but only a little?

“They seem like a spirited bunch,” Junmyeon says, nodding to the class that just left. “You’ve got your hands full, I guess.” His eyes slip around the room, a pleasant fixed smile on his lips, before his gaze settles on the word ‘BLEACH’ scrawled in huge red letters on the board.

“We were doing speeches today,” Sehun explains, feeling warm as he walks around the desks. Junmyeon is wearing a white sweater, the neck pulled up just under his chin and it makes him look soft, almost gentle. Except for his eyes, that still make Sehun feel small, even if he’s at least two heads taller than Junmyeon. 

“I see,” Junmyeon says, and his smile twitches as he steps into the room. “Can I bother you for lunch?”

“Well, I didn’t bring enough for both of us,” Sehun says, the words just rolling off his tongue. He almost winces, but gets the feeling that Junmyeon, like his students, can smell his fear. Swallowing, Sehun pulls his lunch box from behind his desk. “I do have some granola bars in my desk though, if you’re really invested.”

Somehow, and Sehun isn’t sure how, Junmyeon finds this funny, and he laughs. _Laughs_ as he walks into the room properly, following Sehun towards his desk before leaning his hip against it.

“I’ve got my own food, but thank you for the offer. It’s very kind of you,” Junmyeon says.

“Any time,” Sehun says, glancing up. It’s hard to keep eye contact with Junmyeon, his gaze intense, almost too much to hold for too long. “I have apple cinnamon and peanut butter chocolate. For future reference.”

“Tempting,” Junmyeon sighs, before grabbing a chair and pulling it towards Sehun’s desk. “But I have my own lunch in my room. I asked Soojung to cover me for lunch duty today so we could talk.”

“Oh?” Sehun sits at his desk, his lunch box sitting beside him, and feeling apprehensive to open it. He’s hungry, stomach gnawing at him, but the way Junmyeon is talking is demanding his attention _now_ , not while he eats his lunch leisurely. “Is-“ his throat catches “-is everything okay?”

For a brief moment, Sehun watches as Junmyeon looks slightly shocked. “Of course,” he says, as if confused Sehun is even asking. “I just wanted to go over some of the details about the Alpine and Nordic schedules before we got too ahead of ourselves.”

 _And you couldn’t wait until after lunch?_ Sehun grumbles in his own head, just as his stomach gives an echoing grumble. “Oh,” Sehun says, and sits back, grabbing his planning notebook and calendar, pushing down the uncomfortable gurgle in his gut. “Okay, shoot.”

“Since this is your first year,” Junmyeon begins. “I hope you don’t mind me kind of coming in and explaining a few things.” Sehun clicks his pen, watching Junmyeon as the other man sits back, and crosses one leg over the other. It makes him feel removed, the fixed smile staring back at Sehun. “Every year, we usually run into a lot of scheduling conflicts with the teams, mostly in terms of bus reservations to get to races, weekend plans, full training weekends-“

“We have full training weekends?” Sehun interrupts.

“One,” Junmyeon says, and his smile twitches. “In December. Usually we go up to the mountains to one of the Ski areas. Nordic takes the XC center and Alpine takes the mountain. In years past, we’ve used different buses.”

“Why?”

Junmyeon’s smile fixes, his mouth more of a line than a curve, and Sehun swallows. “Because it’s easier that way.”

“But isn’t it more cost effective to just use the same buses if we’re going to the same place?” Sehun asks, spinning his pen in his fingers. “How many members are on your team? I have about twenty, and with equipment, we should be able to get all our gear either in one under carriage or dispersed through the bus fairly easily. Will the Alpine team really be that much more stuff?”

It’s probably pushing the line, and Sehun remembers Sunyoung explaining how the past coach and Junmyeon hadn’t gotten along so well, butting heads and arguing, mostly over scheduling and finances.

“We have about fifteen,” Junmyeon answers. “Though some of our team members overlap.”

 _Ah_ , says Sehun’s voice in his head. _He wants separate days so I don't take his kids_. “Easy then,” Sehun says, and pushes down the voice in his chest that says _don’t do it, don’t be an idiot_. “We’ll go on different weekends. Or I’ll take a Saturday, and you take a Sunday.”

“I can’t do Sunday.”

“Then two weekends it is,” Sehun says, smiling as he flips open his planning book. That feeling is back, the soft writhing in his gut that’s exacerbated by hunger. The pre-race writhe. “And we need to work out the ski sale.”

“You know about that?”

“Sunyoung told me,” Sehun says, already looking down at his calendar and the weekends she’d highlighted for him in December as when they could hold the fundraiser. “I assume we’ll be doing the ski day trip after we raise enough money to pay for it.”

“Have you ever done a ski sale before?” Junmyeon asks, and when Sehun looks up, he’s watching him skeptically.

“I did when I was on a team,” Sehun says, trying not to sound edgy. It’s kind of irritating, how Junmyeon keeps looking at him like he doesn’t trust him to do this, like he doesn’t really believe what Sehun is telling him. Like he doesn’t like him. It digs under his skin. “For four years, and then I ran a few with the local community in university and the past two years.”

“Before you got a teaching job.”

“Before I finally got my application accepted,” Sehun corrects.

“And Kyungsoo recommended you,” Junmyeon says, and somehow it feels like a slap and Sehun bristles. Junmyeon apparently realizes what he’s said though, and looks a bit less hard shelled and stiff, his eyes flickering. “So you know how the ski sales work.”

“We should also have a bake sale running through the whole weekend,” Sehun says, pushing down the burning in his chest that Junmyeon’s comment had pulled up. _You got hired, you can do this,_ he reminds himself in a voice that sounds annoyingly like Chanyeol’s. “It’ll help to raise funds and also give the kids something else to do aside from mill around. It can also get the parents involved, which would be good for the teams over all.”

Junmyeon simply hums, and Sehun glances up to see him with his own planner open on his lap, a thin pen writing away carefully. Sehun blinks.

“What weekend were you thinking of?”

“The second in December,” Sehun answers, looking back down at his schedule. “I think that works well with what we already have lined up. Then we can check on finances and run another fund raiser if we need to before the holiday season kicks in. A wreath sale or something.”

“A wreath sale,” Junmyeon repeats, and Sehun catches him glance up with a sort of amused smile.

“It’s not like they’re not going to be standing around in the cold anyways,” Sehun says. “Plus, sell hot chocolate and cookies and it’ll be fun. Maybe we can talk to Yixing and get the chorus kids to come by and sing. Make it a school event.”

“Alright,” Junmyeon says, and something about his voice is different, though Sehun can’t quite tell what. “Sounds good. And we can do the ski weekends the first weekend in January after break.”

“Not the first two weekends?” Sehun asks, frowning as he looks up from his desk.

“I can take a Sunday,” Junmyeon says, and the smile he gives Sehun is less fixed. “It’d be better for the teams anyway to get that practice and training session in earlier than later. Especially considering the first races will start right around then.”

“Right,” Sehun says, and tries to nod. It ends up being more like a jerk, but Junmyeon’s mouth twitches anyway. It leaves Sehun feeling a bit less small, less intimidated, but still very confused and hungry. “So, are you sure you don’t want one of those granola bars?”

Junmyeon laughs, and it sounds nicer this time, his eyes crinkling up as he seems to relax slightly, letting the sound go. “Maybe another time.”

Sehun watches Junmyeon leave, still feeling slightly unsure as to whether that was a good meeting or not, and doesn’t realize his relief until Jia nearly runs into Junmyeon as he walks out. Jia jumps, her eyes wide and she laughs, scooting around Junmyeon before throwing Sehun a perplexed look.

“Playing nice with the other teachers finally, huh?” she asks, leaning one hand against the wall and propping herself up. “I was beginning to wonder where you were. The teacher’s room is boring without you there.”

“I was in an important meeting,” Sehun tells her, grabbing his lunch box as his stomach gives a grateful rumble.

“About?”

“Buses and cookies,” Sehun answers, and slings his arm around Jia’s shoulders, dragging her from the room. She laughs, and he drops his arm as soon as they’re in the hall, feeling much calmer as she leads him down the hall. “Serious business.”

Jia snorts, and pulls her long hair over her shoulder as she smiles at him and the snakes in Sehun’s stomach fade into a soft hum.

✦

_It’s been two weeks since the first day of practice. It’s been almost two weeks since Sehun got home and dug his running shoes out from the back of his closet, hissing in pain as he sank into a bath later and his muscles screamed at him. It’s been about two weeks since he woke up the first day after practice and actually yelped when trying to get out of bed because his abdomen was having none if this movement business._

_It’s been two weeks, but he’s still here._

_“Told you,” Chanyeol says, looking triumphant as Sehun meets up with him outside the school office, his track jacket zipped up to his chin. The grin on Chanyeol’s face is nothing short of ‘shit eating’ and Sehun has half a mind to shove him into the bushes when Jongin shows up._

_“You ready?” Chanyeol asks, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he looks to Jongin._

_Sehun has done team sports before. He ran track last year in middle school and used to play soccer when he was younger. But this is different. There is something about Nordic where it’s more intense. It’s not just running. It’s running and jumping and drills and random weird pole exercises where they run up and down the field poling on specific legs and Sehun doesn’t get it but he likes it._

_Maybe it’s because he managed to get through the first week without throwing up, because his abs don’t scream at him every time he sits down now and because he can_ feel _his body getting stronger. It’s a full body sort of thing, where a work out at the gym or a run wouldn’t cut it._

_Sehun is finding new muscles he never knew he had and god damn do they hurt like a bitch. It’s that sort of satisfactory burn though, the one where Sehun knows in two weeks, that muscle will be rock hard if he keeps this up._

_It has Sehun going to practice every day, feeling his body get used to running around the track, sprinting and trying to catch up to the older team members, pushing from beside Jongin and Chanyeol and Jinri. Pushing himself harder, pushing up to where Minho runs with a look of sheer determination on his face._

__Goals, _flashes through his head, and he frowns, pushing the thought from his mind as he turns to Jongin._

_“You coming?” he asks, glancing to where Chanyeol has already started on ahead. “We’re gonna be late. You know how Coach hates late people.”_

_“I know,” Jongin says, and looks a bit worried, staring back into the school. “I just-“ he breaks off, suddenly smiling, and Sehun turns to feel his heart immediately sink._

_“What are you doing here?”_

_“Rude,” Taemin says, sauntering up to them. He’s not even wearing running shoes and he doesn’t have a sports bag. Sehun is gonna bet his ass will be pulp by the time practice is over. The thought is oddly satisfying. “Is that any way you should talk to your new team mate?”_

_“Pretty much, yeah,” Sehun shrugs, and adjusts his bag strap on his shoulder. “I thought cross country was for sissies.”_

_“Well, you’re on the team, so I was right,” Taemin says, and Sehun frowns immediately. Jongin laughs, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Sehun kicks him._

_“Whatever,” Sehun says, turning away and following Chanyeol to the equipment room. He doesn’t have to train with Taemin. Jongin can take care of him if he wants to drag him on the team. It’s not Sehun’s problem._

_“Is Taemin joining?” Chanyeol asks, glancing back towards Jongin and Taemin with a small frown._

_“I know,” Sehun sighs, tucking his chin into the collar of his jacket. “It sucks, but we don’t have to run with him. He can just suck with Jongin or something.”_

_“That’s not very team like,” Chanyeol admonishes gently._

_“Yeah, well, Taemin is a dick, so whatever,” Sehun grumbles, and shrugs his backpack higher on his shoulder, ignoring Chanyeol’s soft look of disappointment. “You coming? Coach hates it when we’re late.”_

_“Since when did you get so into going to practice?” Chanyeol teases, but stays with him nonetheless, knocking their shoulders together. It comforts him, knowing Chanyeol won’t leave._

_It’s been a bit strained lately, where Chanyeol hasn’t been hanging out with him so much as hanging out with him and_ Jongin _. Not that Jongin is a dud, of course, Sehun has been friends with him since middle school, but it’s the first time that there’s something between himself and Chanyeol._

_Chanyeol has been his friend for ages. They’ve known each other since they were neighbors in grade school, and it’s always kind of been this thing they have where Sehun thought he could always count on Chanyeol to be there for him when he needed him. A part of Sehun writhes even now, thinking about how he doesn’t need Chanyeol._

_But he does._

_And Chanyeol is too nice of a dummy to not be welcoming and friendly with Jongin, teasing him like always had Sehun. Maybe a little nicer than he had Sehun, considering he doesn’t pull Jongin into the headlocks that he always drags Sehun into._

_Shaking the thoughts from his head, Sehun pushes into the equipment room, looking around at most of the team already there and nodding to their coach._

_“Almost late,” Coach barks at them, eyes narrowing as Chanyeol offers an apologetic smile, ducking in behind Sehun. “Where’s Kim?”_

_“Bringing a friend,” Sehun mutters, and walks away before he can be bothered to elaborate._

_“Who’s the newbie?” Sojin asks, stretching her arms out and looking over as Jongin and Taemin walk in the room. “I thought we’d seen the last of stragglers trying out.”_

_“He’s one of Jongin’s friends,” Sehun says, dropping his stuff and stripping out of his jacket. It’ll be too hot once he gets out running, and he substitutes it with a wicking jersey, something to keep him cool._

_Beside Sojin, Jinri laughs. “I hope you guys warned him what to expect.”_

_“He can handle himself,” Sehun says, glancing over to where Taemin is chatting with their coach, looking a bit less sure of himself with every word. “And don’t be tempted to baby him.”_

_“Why?” Jinri blinks at him, peering to get another look at Taemin._

_“He’s an asshole,” Sehun grumbles, and Chanyeol laughs softly beside him._

_“He’s a bit cocky,” Chanyeol explains as Sojin bursts out laughing. “And he teases Sehun a lot.”_

_An arm loops around Sehun’s neck, pulling him up and pushing the air from his throat as he jerks in surprise. “No one is allowed to tease our little Sehunnie on this team,” says the all too familiar and warm voice of their team captain. Sehun swallows down hard as he looks up into Minho’s grinning face and lets himself go slightly slack in his grip. “We’re nice on this team, no matter who you are. Yeah?”_

_“Yeah,” Sojin laughs, cuffing Minho on the back of the head. “Right up until the actual race.”_

_“When you’re on the race, the only enemy you really have is your own time,” Minho says, letting go of Sehun slightly, but keeping his arm looped around his shoulders, resting there in a warm reassuring weight. Sehun swallows again. “Every skier you pass is nothing. They’re fighting their time, and you’re fighting yours. The biggest competitor you have is yourself.”_

_“That’s the most narcissistic explanation I’ve ever heard,” Song Qian laughs, walking back from the bathroom and laughing. All of the girls usually change in the bathroom, slipping into their spandex running pants and athletic gear in privacy._

_The boys tend to just, well, be boys. Though at least most of them have the decency to change in the school bathrooms before practice starts, showing up ready to go._

_“I can’t help it if that’s reality,” Minho says, and tugs Sehun closer. “But still, no one can bully anyone on the team. We’re a team, right? That means no assholes.”_

_“What about assholes?” Taemin asks, walking up with Jongin beside him and looking around curiously._

_“There aren’t any on this team,” Minho says, turning and dragging Sehun with him. Sehun stumbles and almost ducks back, feeling his face heat as most of the team watches him stuck in Minho’s almost possessive grip. “And if I see anyone being a jerk, they get to deal with me.”_

_“Meaning what?” Taemin asks, a cocky edge to his voice._

_“Meaning I take care of my team and get rid of people who threaten it,” Minho says. His voice is casual, almost friendly, but his eyes are hard when Sehun chances to look up at his face._

_Taemin doesn’t say anything, and Jongin looks almost sheepish, glancing at Sehun before turning away. Sehun catches Taemin cast him a brief look before Minho releases him, and then Taemin turns away._

_“You run with me today,” Minho tells Sehun, reaching out and ruffling his hair, though he doesn’t look at him._

_“But-“_

_“I know you can keep up,” Minho says, finally turning to look at him, and smiles._

_It leaves Sehun feeling oddly excited, like he’s been chosen to belong to an elite, and he doesn’t realize he’s smiling until Jinri calls him out on it. It’s barely two minutes before their coach is driving them out of the equipment room, barking at them to take to the woods today to train, following the local trails and running cross-country for a good half hour before they meet back on the field._

_It’s harder, and Sehun struggles to keep up, to keep his breathing even as he sticks with the upperclassmen, Minho in the lead. Chanyeol is farther back, Jongin hovering just ahead of him, and only Sojin and Song Qian are up in the front with Minho and Kyuhyun._

_“Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth,” Minho says, dropping back to run along side him. Tripping a bit on a tree root, Sehun feels his already heated cheeks flare as he looks up at his captain._

_“Th-thanks,” he puffs, and tries to smile at Minho as the elder grins down at him._

_“It’ll help you get enough oxygen through you, and calms down the system overall,” Minho explains, barely breathless. “Helps you set into a rhythm, you know?”_

_Sehun can only nod, bouncing as he feels his legs burning, but he tries it anyway. It takes a few minutes of running through the trees, just a bit behind Kyuhyun and Sojin, before he can feel his body slip into a sort of rhythm. It’s harder, out here in the woods, to get the same pacing pound that he can feel on the track, beating into his body in a steady motion that keeps him going, the rest of the world tuning out. Breathing helps, and soon it’s the breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth that Sehun is focusing on, not the beating of his feet against the cold hard earth._

_When the make it back to the field, Sehun blinks, not realizing how fast they had been. He’s sweating, shirt sticking to his back and his legs pulsing with every heartbeat, but he feels alive, ready to keep going._

_This time, when Minho claps a hand on his shoulder, Sehun doesn’t jump, just turns to look at his captain with a smile already slipping over his lips._

_“See?” Minho says, his eyes dancing in what Sehun might imagine is pride. “I told you that you could keep up.”_

_It’s been two weeks since Sehun joined the Nordic team, but despite Chanyeol’s efforts to make him feel welcome and at ease, this is the first time that Sehun feels like he actually_ belongs _._

_“Where the Hell did that come from?” pants right behind him, and Sehun turns to look at the rest of the team jogging up to them._

_“What?”_

_“You.” Taemin looks horrible, face red with exertion and sweat plastering his hair to his forehead and temples. “When did you get so good at sports? Or anything?” Sehun frowns, and for a moment, Taemin almost looks taken aback at the dark look on his face._

_And then something happens that has never happened before. Taemin shakes his head, still gasping for breath and apologizes. “Sorry,” he says, and Sehun’s eyes widen._

_Sehun can still feel the faster beating of his heart from running, and perhaps it’s that feeling and the lingering warmth of Minho’s hand on his shoulder that has Sehun smiling faintly. “Whatever,” he says, stepping back and towards the rest of the team, where Jongin and Chanyeol have already moved up to join their captain. “No worries.”_

_It is perhaps the first time in his life Sehun isn’t tempted to punch Taemin in the face when he grins at him in return, and the first time Sehun doesn’t writhe to shove him off when Taemin leans too close and slings an arm around his shoulder. It’s definitely a first, but it feels good._

_It feels even better when he realizes the drills they’re doing this afternoon, and watches Taemin’s face twist in confusion._

_It’s thigh work, with large planks laid out parallel to each other at alternating distances. Each skier will have to jump from one to the other, starting in a crouch and leaping into full extension with arms up, before landing and coming back into a crouch. The object of the drill is to keep the outside of your foot against the inside of the planks._

_The goal is to make your abs hurt so badly you want to lie down on the floor and die._

_“This looks so easy,” Taemin says as he watches Jiwon and Hyukjae run a demonstration set._

_“Oh, it’s a piece of cake,” Sehun says, and grins wide at Taemin when he turns to him._

_“Yeah?”_

_“Oh yeah,” Sehun says, nodding towards the boards. “You’ll be totally fine.”_

_Ten minutes later, as Taemin jogs back to the starting line and behind Sehun, he leans heavily against his back, hissing into his ear, “I hate you.”_

_“I know,” Sehun says, and for the first time, laughs at the exchange. “I’d hate me to.”_

_It should feel strange when both of them laugh, but it doesn’t. And perhaps Sehun imagines it when he catches their coach and Minho watching them, and Minho’s mouth twitches in a hint of a smile as he jogs back from completing his set._

_Perhaps, but it still sends a warm feeling spreading through his abdomen, slipping between the burning ache of training._

❉

Somehow, in the course of a few weeks, the team has grown. A few more stragglers show up here and there, some people leaving and a few new faces just popping in practice one day and gone the next. The overall determining factor for if someone is on the team or not though always ends up being with boots.

So far, there are about twenty pairs of boots all lined up in the equipment room, of varying sizes and stages of use. The freshman always stand out, bright and clean and brand new, their bindings untouched. The seniors are the opposite, boots worn and stained, creases in the fabric and the Velcro fasteners hanging off them ready to snag on any loose clothing and cause the destruction of any sweater it encounters.

There are twenty pairs of boots in the equipment room, and Sehun watches through the faint drizzling haze of rain as his team runs around the track on a warm up. Unlike most coaches, Sehun had run the first three laps with the team, making sure that everyone _ran_ for three laps before taking a cool down lap in between.

It had seemed to throw the upperclassmen off, glancing over their shoulders like they couldn’t believe he was actually there, really running with them and a real person. Naturally, Sehun had just smiled back and made a point to look directed at them before turning back to those struggling in the back. His biggest shock was when Yibo had shown up, timid and cautious, a week ago and asked if he could still join the team.

Right now, he’s still running at the back of the group, wedged in a pack of girls who all seem to be trying to mother him, especially the older girls. Sehun can already see the contempt breeding in some of the junior boys that keep glancing back at them, frowns on their faces before Jaebum barks for them to stop slacking off.

“You better watch it,” Sunyoung tells Sehun as he jogs back to the fence, the rain sticking to his face and a welcome relief from the run. “You keep pulling stuff like that and they won’t know if you’re the coach or another team captain.”

“I’m not the one racing with them,” Sehun reminds. “I can only take care of them before they leave the starting line. Then it’s up to them to get their best time, and up to the team to cheer them on and make sure they get through the course.”

“You have a lot of faith in them,” Sunyoung comments. She’s wearing a hat today, _SWIX_ (1) pulled down low over her forehead and covering her ears. “I think that’s good for them. It’s been a while since they had a coach that thought they could do more than just make it to the finish line.”

Sehun hums, looking back out towards his team. They’re a bit of a raggletaggle bunch, the younger boys rambunctious and the older a strange mix between complete jokers and focused and driven athletes. Now that he’s had a bit of time to get used to the team, he can pick them out easily, and easily notices who already has experience, and who knows the basics of skiing already.

Hoseok had been a dead give away. Aside from him playing around so much with the other members, he’s got a focus about him that shows in his form, precise in his movements and the way he goes through the drills showing he’s used to thigh work. While Sehun himself isn’t an expert on downhill, he recognizes the skills for it easily. Hyeri was just as obvious, and both she and Hoseok tend to be the more vocal of the group about form and relevancy.

The ones that surprised Sehun were the quieter of the group, how Yoongi, who looks like he’d rather be napping than standing most of the time, is actually one of the more dedicated of the group. Both he and Yura end up being the quieter but driven of the team, Yoongi often up in the front of the running pack with Jaebum, Jackson, and Seokjin. He doesn’t say much, but the team seems to respect him, or at least his dedication.

That, and he has literally no issue with smacking the younger kids if they bother him (something that had resulted in Yugyeom looking vaguely traumatized until Hwasa had begun to baby him loudly).

It’s pushing into November now, and Sehun frowns through the drizzle as he notices how they’re still mostly spread out, the upperclassmen in the front and the younger students lingering back. They’re a group of kids, but not yet a team.

And, as much as Sehun is proud of them for at least running through practice without too much complaint, there’s a lot of issues with technique he can already pick up from the drills.

“Do you think you can do it?” Sunyoung asks, leaning against the fence as the team rounds the corner of the track. Sehun glances at her in question, and she sighs, looking out at their team. “Do well, I mean. They’re a good group of kids, well, most of them.”

“I still have my doubts about Mark,” Sehun says in mock seriousness as Sunyoung laughs. “No one can be that quiet and nice without being a demon inside.”

“He’s a sweetheart,” Sunyoung says, laughing now. “It’s Seokjin you have to worry about.”

“Seokjin?”

“He’s a darling but I swear he’s got a demonic streak in him that just can’t wait to show itself,” Sunyoung says, her eyes dancing as she looks out over the team. “And Hwasa is the first to start any shenanigans with the girls. Especially if it involves annoying the boys in any way shape or form.”

“I’ll tell you right now, I’m not that great at breaking up fights,” Sehun tells his assistant coach. 

Sunyoung laughs, standing up a bit straighter. “That’s fine,” she says, and her eyes dance. “I am.”

“I’ll leave that to you then,” Sehun says. “I’ll just stand around and look intimidating in the mean time. I’m good at that.” Sunyoung snorts, and Sehun turns to her with a mock expression of hurt on his face, only making her laugh harder.

“Okay, okay, sure,” Sunyoung says, though she’s still laughing. “So do you want to do the honors of telling them they’re doing double poling drills today or should I break the news?”

“Are you trying to take my job?” Sehun asks, and Sunyoung snorts again. “We’re not going to do double poling today. It’s too wet on the field anyway.”

“You’re giving them a break?” Sunyoung asks. “You really are a softie, aren’t you?”

“That’s why I have to look intimidating,” Sehun explains, turning to flash her a secretive grin. “Otherwise everyone would walk all over me.” Sunyoung seems to soften at that, her eyes resting on him for a moment and it’s warming, comforting. “Besides, I don’t want them to chew up the field with their poles. And chances of them slipping in the mud and stabbing each other are pretty high.”

“You think?”

“Well, chances of Taehyung slipping in the mud and stabbing Jimin are extremely high,” Sehun elaborates, and Sunyoung chokes down a laugh. “So I figure we’d do stair drills.”

“I was wrong,” Sunyoung says, shaking her head as she looks out as the team rounds its final lap. “You’re cruel after all.”

Half the team, when Sehun announces the next drill, lets out a horrible and loud groan. The other half lets out their echoing groan once their team mates explain what Sehun is making them do.

The biggest deficiency that Sehun can see from everyone on the team (with the exception of Jackson and Hwasa) is leg strength. It’s crucial, especially on hills, to have thighs and legs that will support and push up the hills. To get that, Sehun needs a good proper hill to run the team up and down about ten times every day.

Sadly, the grounds the school is on is primarily flat, and hills are extremely hard to come by. Compromising means lining up the whole team in front of the bleachers along the track, one person standing in front of a bench, and staring at it apprehensively. The drill is them climbing the stair, one foot forcing up and followed by the other until they’re standing on the bench, and then stepping back down to the ground behind them. As fast as they possibly can.

It’s like running up and immediately back down the stairs and all you get from it is frustration, a pounding pulse, and screaming in pain thighs.

“Ready?” Sehun shouts down to his team, looking at them all with their soggy mops of hair and varying degrees of willingness.

“No!” shouts Seokjin from the far end, looking downright miserable as he glowers back down at him.

“Good!” Sehun shouts back, followed quickly by, “Go!” before he blows his whistle.

“They’ll hate you for this,” Sunyoung says, standing beside him and raising her voice a bit over the clamor of the team all jumping on and off the metal bleachers. It’s an utter racket, feet slamming against the metal benches and then slipping back off. “Especially the upperclassmen.”

“Or they’ll thank me,” Sehun shrugs, keeping an eye on his watch. They’ve lasted through fifteen seconds of the sixty this drill requires. Already, he can see Taehyung and Yerim faltering, their steps sloppy. “Once they get to the hills and have to push up them, they’ll need these muscles.”

“I doubt they’ll thank you,” Sunyoung says. “Though Hoseok might. He’s good at that sort of thing.”

“Thanking people?”

“Being surprisingly polite,” Sunyong explains. A moment later, Hoseok lets out a loud yell of frustration, startling Jimin beside him who falls off the bleachers, and making Hoseok stumble himself and burst into laughter.

Within seconds, the whole team is falling apart, distracted to all see what happened and turning en masse to stare and laugh at Jimin sprawled in the mud and Hoseok doubled over in laughter. Sighing, Sehun blows his whistle three times, and smiles as the team scrambles. “Thirty seconds!” he shouts, and Minah, closest to him, lets out a despairing wail.

“Coach,” she wails, doing her absolute best to look miserable as she continues with the drill.

“Twenty five,” Sehun tells her with a smile, eyes flickering to where Hoseok has pulled Jimin back up and continued the drill. “Keep going.”

They run the drill three more times, each set for one minute before Sehun stops them and lets them rest for two, and then go again. They do surprisingly well, and it’s enough for the dreary day that Sehun sends them off to run laps around the field.

“You’re satan,” Taehyung tells him. Sehun isn’t really sure why he’s smiling when he says it, but he nods and answers, “I know,” anyway as Taehyung bounces past him.

“What’s next?” Sunyoung asks, stepping up to him and watching as the team mixes up. Somehow, the stair drills seems to have broken them up, the girls pushing into the boys and some of the boys (especially Jeongguk and Yugyeom) lingering towards the back. “We could do balance training with weight distribution. That’d get them using poles and strengthening technique.”

“We have to plan,” Sehun tells her, watching as Yibo runs closer to Jackson, in the pack. “The equipment sale is in two weeks. I want to make sure we’re ready to do with work divisions and the team knows what’s going on before it gets too close.”

“You already talked to Junmyeon?” Sunyoung sounds surprised, and looks it too when Sehun turns to her.

“Last week,” Sehun answers. “He’s getting the Alpine team to do a raffle to help with funds and I said we could do a bake sale and a few other things to keep things going. I think it’d be fun for the team to do something more than just cash out sales.” With the look Sunyoung is giving him, Sehun frowns. “What?”

“What weekend did you say it was going to be?”

“Two weekends from now.” Sunyoung closes her eyes and lets out a long sigh. “And this is a problem because…”

“I’m supposed to go up to visit with my fiance’s family,” Sunyoung says, and gives him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I must have spaced when we were going over dates the other day.”

“Oh.” A part of Sehun is shocked. He hadn’t thought that Sunyoung wouldn’t be there with him during the sale, helping out with equipment and watching over the team. Another part of him is a little shocked, because he’d never asked. It seems a bit rude now, especially since they’ve been coaching together for the last few weeks every day after school, to have never asked her about herself. “It’s fine,” he says, and shrugs. “I’ll just coordinate with Junmyeon.”

If anything, this seems to surprise Sunyoung even more. “You’re sure?”

“He’s not so bad,” Sehun says, tucking his hands into his jacket pockets. His mind flashes back to nearly every conversation he’s had with Junmyeon. It’s a bit like talking to a television, a very polite television, where Sehun can’t tell if the conversation is two sided or if he’s just talking to a nice looking man trying to sell him deodorant. Or tell him how to run a ski team and organize his classroom posters. “I’ll make it work.”

“I can try to cancel-“

“Don’t,” Sehun says, shaking his head as he turns to her. “It’ll be fine. I’ll make it work. I just have to look intimidating. Plus, if worst comes to worst, I’ll drag one of my roommates to help out.”

“Your roommates?” Sunyoung raises an eyebrow.

“One of them runs a daycare,” Sehun explains. “This is almost the same thing, except they know how to swear and fall down less. He’ll have a blast.”

Sunyoung laughs and Sehun smiles, relaxing from the edge of tension that had snuck between them. “Of course,” she says. “Just be sure to keep that big softie side hidden. Especially around Junmyeon.”

“I’ve heard he bites,” Sehun says, and as soon as the words leave his mouth, they stick. Sunyoung doesn’t even notice, but the simple statement has Sehun’s mind churning, thinking back to Junmyeon’s behavior, is clipped tones and his overly polite behavior that at the same time radiates intimidation.

 _Defensive_ filters in his mind for a brief moment, before he shakes it away.

“Not too hard though,” Sunyoung teases, and then coughs, clearing her throat as if catching herself. “Anyway, I’ll do what I can to help set up everything before the sale.”

“That’s all I ask,” Sehun says. “When’s the wedding?” Sunyoung blinks, looking up at him in vague surprise. “Unless it’s too invasive. I can ask other questions, like where you went to college or if you prefer cats or dogs.”

Sunyoung smiles, and Sehun lets out a slow breath as a part of her seems to come to life. “June,” she says, and pulls her hand from her pocket. On her left ring finger, a small silver ring with a diamond flashes even in the hazy rain. “Right after school ends.”

“Congratulations,” Sehun tells her sincerely. Then, for good measure, he reaches out and pats her a few times on the back. It pulls a sputtered laugh from Sunyoung as she looks up at him, as if she can’t believe him. “You’ve done well.”

“What about you?” Sunyoung asks, and leans in to knock her shoulder against his arm when he drops it. “Any girlfriend that’ll be helping out with the races?”

Even if Sehun should be used to it by now, it still has him fumbling for a moment as he looks at Sunyoung and wants to be honest. “No,” he says, shaking his head and letting out a loud sigh to cover up the shake in his voice. “Not really. It’ll just be me, unless I drag my roommates along to watch them freeze with me.” At Sunyoung’s inquiring look, Sehun shrugs. “Misery loves company.”

“Isn’t that what I’m here for?” Sunyoung asks, her tone teasing.

“Good point,” Sehun says, and smiles as she laughs.

Fortunately, the team doesn’t seem to mind ending practice and drills a little earlier than usual to discuss the ski sale. In fact, a lot of them end up volunteering for shifts around the event, most of them agreeing to the bake sale almost immediately. 

“I’m not doing it,” Yoongi says flatly when Sehun asks who can bring in food.

“We’d all die if we ate anything Yoongi made,” Hoseok explains, and gets a peeved look and a half hearted kick from Yoongi. “It’s safer to just let him bring in fruit.”

“Can you bring in fruit?” Sehun asks. He’s never had a bake sale where they sold fruit before, but there’s a first time for everything. Yoongi gives a sort of agreeing but still noncommittal shrug, slouching down on the bench a bit more. “Wonderful,” Sehun says, writing down _“Fruit????”_ next to Yoongi’s name on the sign up sheet. “Anyone else?”

“You know,” Sunyoung says as the team packs up a few minutes later. “I think we may actually be able to break even this year, rather than scramble for money for States.”

“What can I say?” Sehun says, waving as Taehyung shouts a goodbye and Sooyoung waves at him with a smile. “I’m just a miracle worker.” He laughs, breaking off into a yelp that he hopes the team doesn’t pick up on when Sunyoung punches him playfully in the shoulder.

“Softie,” she accuses, but it’s not harsh, instead fond as she laughs and steps away to start clean up.

As the last of the students leave, Sehun finds himself saying goodbye to almost all of them, a few calling his name as they slip from the equipment room. Even if he’s just the coach, Sehun gets the feeling that this group, which had felt so disorganized just a week ago, is slowly becoming something more. A team.

His team.

❉

Despite how many times Sehun has spent time in the teacher’s room of the school, for lunch times and for breaks, in between classes to use the copier and sometimes just to breathe, he hasn’t _really_ spent a lot of time there. It’s Friday, meaning most of the teachers who haven’t done their lunch duty for the week are in the cafeteria and the language department is on their weekly ‘lunch out’ at one of the local restaurants near the school.

It just leaves a smaller group at lunch today, most of the usual group clustered together as some of the other teachers have lunch in their classrooms, catching up on last minute work before the weekend. Sehun already knows he’ll be bringing work home this weekend, and frankly it gives him an opportunity to opt out of whatever plans Jongin has hinted at for the weekend that Sehun doesn’t really want to get involved in. 

As much as Sehun appreciates how Chanyeol and Jongin still include him in so much of their ‘stuff’, he wishes sometimes they didn’t try so hard.

It’s been a little over two months since Sehun has been here, working at the school, and it’s kind of nice to have a definite lunch group where he feels like he can sit down and not have to awkwardly wiggle his way into conversation.

It also helps that the people he’s friends with among the teachers are all friendly or, in the case of Jongdae, overly welcoming.

“Do you need something to drink?” Jongdae asks, frowning at Sehun’s meager lunch. “That’s the most sparse lunch I’ve seen all week.”

“Jongdae, you can't just insult people’s lunches like that,” Jia says in mock offense, reaching across the table to swat at his hand. “You’re so rude.”

“How is me asking if he wants something to drink rude?” Jongdae asks, leaning back in his chair as Jia rolls her eyes exaggeratedly. “I’m being _nice_.”

“Are you going to give me your drink?” Sehun asks, taking the lid off of his leftover reheated lasagna. Chanyeol had set it aside for him the night before, knowing Sehun might forget if his lunch wasn’t labeled in the fridge. He’d been up late last night, practice running late and had been up correcting papers far longer than he’d expected to.

“Of course not,” Jongdae snorts. “I was going to tell you to steal Yixing’s before he gets back from the bathroom.”

“Rude,” Jia sighs, and snatches Yixing’s cola into her lap protectively. “You are the worst role model. You want to know why your students aren’t passing their proficiency tests?”

“Because we just introduced the proficiency grading system this year and it’s actually the death to education,” Jongdae replies curtly, and Amber hisses sharply, reaching out with her soup spoon to whap Jongdae on the back of the hand.

“Watch it,” she says, nodding towards the ceiling. “I heard they put in a new surveillance system when they introduced the new standards. Keep you in check.”

“All of us,” Kyungsoo says, looking up from his lunch.

“No,” Amber says, and grins as she rests her soup spoon against her mouth. “Just Jongdae.”

“They had to keep an eye on the rebel,” Jia adds and laughs as Jongdae sighs, sagging over his lunch.

“I tell you guys _one_ story about my past, and suddenly I’m the troublemaker.”

“You were the troublemaker before you told us about filling your school’s pool with Jello mix,” Sehun points out, and Kyungsoo quietly starts laughing beside him, Jongdae’s cheeks turning pink at the reminder. “All because-“

“Look, we just wanted to try to have a synchronized swimming team,” Jongdae protests. “I was _sixteen_. We all know sixteen year olds make bad decisions. We watch them do it literally every day.”

“And yet no one has filled our pool with Jello yet,” Junmyeon says, stepping into the conversation with a smile as she sits down on Amber’s other side. “What does this say about you, Jongdae?”

“That I’m far more creative than they are,” Jongdae answers. “And I’m smart enough not to give them any of my fabulous ideas.” He pulls the top off of a container of cake with a flourish. “It also proves my point about how these standardized tests are beating the creativity out of these kids.”

“Technology,” Kyungsoo mutters, and Sehun finds himself nodding, even as Amber clicks her tongue and jabs her spoon towards the ceiling.

“Don’t you come crying to me when they come in here like ‘Peacekeepers’ (2) and drag you out with black bags,” Amber says, giving them all pointed looks.

“Wouldn’t they be coming for you first, Amber?” Junmyeon asks, tone polite but smile teasing as he looks at her. “You _are_ the one that keeps teaching from _Math on Call_.”(3)

“Some of my students need it,” Amber says, shrugging and turning back to her soup. “I can’t be penalized for taking multiple intelligences (4) into account when designing my curriculum.”

“What about when those ‘Peacekeepers’ come running in and drag you off for deviating from the mean?” Sehun asks, smiling at Yixing as he returns to his seat beside him.

“I’ll fight them off,” Amber says.

“With her protractors,” Jia adds, and Kyungsoo gives a soft snort into his lunch.

“I missed something,” Yixing says, looking around the table with a smile, gratefully accepting his cola back from Jia.

“Nothing much,” Junmyeon says, smiling at Yixing before his eyes flicker to Sehun. “I came in late and realized it wasn’t important. Just the usual.”

“Ah,” Yixing says, nodding, his smile widening. “Did Jongdae’s Jello story come up again?”

“I swear!” Jongdae says, dropping back into his chair.

“You’re the one that keeps bringing it up, not us,” Jia reminds him, laughing.

“I didn’t today!” Jongdae protests.

“You know,” Sehun says, turning to the other mathematics teacher. “I think today is the first day that you _weren’t_ the one that brought up the Jello pool story.”

“It’s because he’s proud of himself,” Kyungsoo chimes in, and smiles when a flurry of laughter circles the table. Jongdae doesn’t deny it, just digs back into his bean salad and mutters about government surveillance.

It’s been a good week, and the lunch today is a nice ending for the group. Usually, he and Kyungsoo are on lunch duty together, and therefore share off days with the rest of the teachers. In the first few weeks, Kyungsoo and introduced him to the typical lunch group. Jia had been the most friendly, pairing with him as the other Language Arts teacher for Freshman and Sophomores and sticking to his side. Then Sehun had met Jongdae, Amber, Fei, Sunny, Henry, and, when he could get out of the music department, Yixing.

It had only been a few weeks ago that Junmyeon had begun sitting with them when he wasn’t in his classroom or with the other history teachers. 

Having him at the lunch table is easier, where Sehun can talk with him and not feel as examined and small. It had taken a moment for Sehun to process when he’d realized Junmyeon and Kyungsoo were about the same height. The shock had largely been due to how Junmyeon just doesn’t _feel_ like he’s Kyungsoo’s size. Of course, this may be due to the fact that Sehun has known Kyungsoo for years and knows about his softer side, whereas so far Junmyeon presents himself as a wall of polite smiles and wool sweaters.

Then again, Kyungsoo also doesn’t hold himself with the same stiffness, the same closed down composure and polite distance that Junmyeon does. If Sehun had to point them out in a line up of people, he could have picked Kyungsoo out as the educator immediately. Junmyeon, maybe not. If anything, Junmyeon feels more like a businessman impersonating Mr. Rogers. (5)

“Sehun?”

Blinking, Sehun tunes back into the conversation, looking over to where he’s heard his name called. Junmyeon is staring straight at him, a patiently polite smile on his face as he watches him. “Sorry,” Sehun says, shaking himself and leaning close.

A small voice whispers _overeager_ inside his head but Sehun tries to ignore it, wetting his lips as he pays attention to his fellow colleague.

“I was wondering if you had a free period today,” Junmyeon tells him, casually spinning his fork in his Tupperware lunch container, wrapping noodles around the tines. “I wanted to talk with you about planning for the ski sale in a few weeks.”

“Oh,” Sehun says, and sits back a little. “I’m free right after lunch, actually. If you have the period free, we could-“

“I’ll come by then,” Junmyeon says, and smiles wider before turning back to his lunch. It's a lot like being cut loose, but Sehun sits back and tries to recover quickly, turning to Yixing and asking him how the auditions for District Choir had gone a few weeks ago.

If the other teachers notice, they don’t say anything, and Sehun slips in and out of conversation with Jongdae and Jia for the remainder of the break before they wrap up. It’s as he’s packing up his empty Tupperware containers that he notices Junmyeon standing at his side, clearly waiting.

“My room or-“

“Yours is closest,” Junmyeon answer, and watches Sehun as he packs his lunch containers back into his lunch box. It’s a bit odd, the feeling of Junmyeon’s eyes on him, and Sehun can’t tell if he’s being judged or not.

It doesn’t occur to him until they’re back in Sehun’s classroom that Junmyeon has been to his room at least four times now, and Sehun has never been to his. Even if that shouldn’t really matter, it digs at Sehun uncomfortably, and he can’t tell if it’s because Sehun just hasn’t had the chance or if he knows that Junmyeon doesn’t want him to come by.

Which is ridiculous, Sehun realizes, and extremely immature.

“So,” Sehun says, clearing his throat and sitting down at his desk, pulling out a notebook. “What did you want to discuss?”

“The ski sale,” Junmyeon says, and flips open a _binder_. “We need to make sure we have everything set up. You mentioned a bake sale?”

“I already had the kids sign up for it,” Sehun explains, watching Junmyeon scroll down a list in the binder. “What is all of that?”

“Hm?” Junmyeon asks, glancing up. “Oh, it’s my organizer.”

“I can see that,” Sehun drawls. “I mean-“

“It’s all the equipment we’ve been gathering for the last year.”

“We?”

“I work with the local donation centers,” Junmyeon explains. “They often get old ski gear or donations from some of the brand names on equipment at good deals and give it to the school ski teams as part of the community give back program.”

“Oh,” Sehun says, feeling a bit dumb. This is something he should have known about already, or should have looked into. He feels sheepish with Junmyeon opposite him now, a twitch to his lips suggesting he knows Sehun had no idea. “Well,” Sehun coughs. “That’s good then! Do you think we can make enough with that list to raise enough money for the season’s costs?”

“It’ll be tight,” Junmyeon muses with a frown. “I wanted to look at booking a sales location and figuring out what shifts we should have the kids rotating on.”

“Probably dual shifts,” Sehun offers.

“And the coaches?”

“I’ll be there all day,” Sehun answers automatically, and only falters when Junmyeon looks up with a small frown. “Sunyoung isn’t going to be around. She has plans. So it’ll just be me with the team.”

“You and twenty kids.” Junmyeon is watching him, almost curiously.

“Well, it’s not like I don’t see a two hundred kids a day,” Sehun says, a strange nervous twist in his gut. “And typically I’m trusted around them enough to have their education entrusted to me, so I don’t really see how a ski sale is that much more detrimental if it’s just me.”

Whatever he’d said apparently amuses Junmyeon though, as the twitch to his lips widens into a smile, and his eyes curve up in a smile. “Fair enough,” he says. “I’ll be with Juhyun, but can stay if you need me to for the wholesale.”

“If I need you to?” Sehun repeats.

“You probably will,” Junmyeon explains, his tone almost superior as he looks back down at his binder.

“Oh?”

Junmyeon glances up then, and the look on his face _is_ superior, almost like he’s jeering at Sehun. It twists that feeling in his gut tighter, and Sehun clicks his pen a few times, spinning it in his fingers. “You’re going to have your whole team on your hands _and_ the alpine kids _and_ customers.” His teeth are perfectly straight and brilliantly white. “You’re going to need more than just your set of eyes.”

“Okay,” Sehun says, and drops the topic. Arguing with Junmyeon doesn’t seem like something that would ever end in a winner (unless the winner was Junmyeon) and Sehun doesn’t get the impression this is an important battle to win. “So, can the Alpine team pitch in for the bake sale?”

 

“We already have a separate fund raiser set up,” Junmyeon says, eyes back on his binder. “You can have your bake sale.”

It takes all Sehun has not to sigh in vague annoyance, instead turning back to his planner and writing down _’Nordic exclusive bake sale’_ on the ski sale weekend. “Alright then,” he says. “Does that mean they won’t be partaking in enjoying the sweets? I was thinking we could have a few extra plates for the team and coaches, but if you’re against baked goods all together then we’ll just have to figure out a way to deal with the surplus.”

“I’m sure you’ll manage,” Junmyeon murmurs noncommittally, still not looking up. He’s not being rude, but somehow it’s vaguely infuriating and Sehun isn’t really sure what walls he’s running into or what he’s saying wrong, but it’s getting to him. Closing his eyes, Sehun takes in a deep breath, releasing it in a long sigh as he tries to calm down his nerves. “Though I wouldn’t mind a plate, if you do have extras.”

Sehun opens his eyes, looking across at Junmyeon. “Do you have any special requests from the team?” he asks, almost biting back the words and sarcasm before it slips free.

“I’ve always liked chocolate chip cookies,” Junmyeon says, looking up in complete seriousness, a pleasant smile on his face. “From scratch.”

“Of course,” Sehun says, feeling oddly numbed by the sincerity on Junmyeon’s face.

“We should look into possibly reserving the gym for the sale,” Junmyeon continues, as if he hasn’t just shared a very random personal fact with Sehun.

“Or the cafeteria,” Sehun suggest, and when Junmyeon looks up this time it’s without the superiority complex lining his features. Sehun shrugs. “It’d work well for the bake sale and we could use the vending machines for drinks. Or get access to the other food prep tools in the kitchens.”

“We could easily get hot water for tea and cocoa and coffee,” Junmyeon hums in agreement. “That’s actually a good idea.”

Sehun hums, looking down and pressing his lips together before he makes an ass of himself and says _I know_. It’s then he realizes what’s happening, and it has his pen stilling over his planner. He cares about what Junmyeon thinks of him, and not just in a colleague sort of way, but something more. Like…

“We’ve usually had the ski sale at one of the local barns, or the gym,” Junmyeon continues, and Sehun shakes himself to pay attention, listening in instead of letting his thoughts run. He takes a steadying breath. “The cafeteria works well though, and it’ll be easy for parents and students to find it and those in the community know where it is well enough.”

“Awesome,” Sehun says, smiling. “I’ll get in contact with Ryeowook before the end of the day and make sure he knows to reserve the space.”

“Thanks.” Junmyeon is smiling again, all white teeth and pleasant politeness. The edges of the walls are softer though, and Sehun smiles back before he realizes it. “I’ve got classes until the end of the day, and then Alpine practice, so I’m a bit busy.”

Biting back the words _’and I have the exact same schedules’_ , Sehun simply hums and turns back to his book. “No problem.”

“I’ll see if I can get the Alpine team to bring in cocoa mix and possibly a few breakfast goods for the bake sale,” Junmyeon adds, and Sehun jerks to look up at him.

“I thought you say you weren’t going to do the bake sale.”

“It’d be easier to work together,” Junmyeon explains easily, smiling still and Sehun wants to frown so badly. This isn’t the first time this has happened, Junmyeon flip flopping from his initial set in stone decision to something that is easier and, overall, Sehun’s suggestion. It’s enough to give Sehun a head ache, and it makes him all the more confused when it comes to Junmyeon. “Besides, now you have me thinking about those chocolate chip cookies.”

Then, Junmyeon does something Sehun doesn’t expect at all, and laughs. It’s a different laugh from the one he shared in the teacher’s room, and from the laugh earlier when he’d just moved his face and made laughing sounds.

This time, it sounds real, and Sehun can almost see it unwinding cords around Junmyeon that keep his posture so straight and his smile so fixed. This time, it just looks natural.

It makes him look real, rather than a posture of a person walking with a straight back and under the title of ‘Coach’ or ‘Teacher’.

“Right,” Sehun says, pulling away from his rather alarming thoughts of how, until this moment, he hasn’t felt that Junmyeon was a real person (which is alarming on a variety of levels). “So, do you want to email me the sign up list of baked goods after talking to the team this afternoon?”

“Or I could drop them off tomorrow morning.”

“Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon hums, looking up and the expression on his face is completely unassuming, enough that Sehun almost laughs at him. Instead, he smiles, and bites his lip. “Tomorrow is Saturday.”

“Ah,” Junmyeon says, realization drawing over his face. Instantly, Sehun regrets reminding Junmyeon, because the next moment his face is closing back down, shutting up in the identity of polite and poised posture. “Email it is then.”

“Yeah,” Sehun says, and feels a bit cold as he looks at the man before him who had smiled so warmly just a moment before. That soft twist in his stomach returns, and Sehun looks away, frowning at the unwelcome sensation.

❉

“Coach!”

It’s freezing out. It’s also blazing sunlight, and it’s a strange sort of incubation inside Sehun’s jacket where it traps and absorbs the heat from the sun, making his undershirt stick to his stomach, but his hands are freezing. Anything exposed to the outside air is cold, though Sehun isn’t sure he can say the same for his team.

Taehyung’s face is pink, mouth open in a smile as he runs up to Sehun, his hair flying wild as he bounces. Sehun is actually pretty proud of him, for running all the way over to him from where they’re supposed to be practicing poling, and actually poling the whole way.

“What?” Sehun asks as Taehyung comes level with him, slightly breathless but still smiling.

“How many laps are we supposed to do?” Taehyung asks, and his tongue pushes past his lips. It makes him look even more like an over eager puppy, and Sehun bites down a smile.

“As many as you can until I say stop,” Sehun answers. This is the biggest barrier, he’s discovered. At some point, and Sehun isn’t sure how, the previous coach never apparently _taught_ proper poling technique. When Sehun had asked Yura and Jaebum about it, both of them looked back at him in relative confusion. The only skier who apparently has any grasp of proper poling technique, surprisingly, is Yibo.

It had shocked all of them when they’d matched up skiers with poles and Yibo had immediately grabbed a pair that were sized for him without even being asked. “They feel right,” was all he had said when Sehun asked him why, and then asked if he’d done something wrong.

The hardest habit to break is how most of the returning team seems to keep gravitating towards poles that are too short for them, especially the alpine team members. Hoseok especially, who keeps fumbling and glowering at his poles that are ‘too long’ for him, despite how they’re actually perfectly sized for him.

“Okay!” Taehyung chirps, and then bounces around in a full circle and runs back in the direction of the rest of the team, poling on alternate legs as he goes.

“Sorry,” Sunyoung says, emerging from the equipment room behind Sehun with Yerim and Seokjin in tow. “I still can’t find his poles, but we’ll settle with a replacement pair for now.”

“I don’t know where they would have gone,” Sehun says sincerely, looking to their eldest team member who still looks frustrated. They’d arrived at practice today to find that Seokjin, one of the few team members who actually owns his equipment, was missing his poles. “We’ll keep looking. Maybe ask around to the rest of the team and see if they took yours on accident.”

“Thanks,” Seokjin says, nodding a big and looking disappointed still. “I’ll just use the school equipment for today.”

“We’ll find them,” Sehun says, smiling comfortingly as he pats Seokjin on the shoulder a few times, sending him off over the field. “And Yerim?” Yerim had the same problem, except her labeled poles from sizing last week had just disappeared. It’s not the same situation as Seokjin, who actually _owns_ his poles, but Yerim had looked near frantic when she realized they were missing.

“I lent her mine for the day,” Sunyoung says, her arm around the girl’s shoulders as Yerim looks a bit less upset, chancing a smile. “I was going to go and work with her and Sunyoung for a little bit. Do you mind taking the boys?”

“Of course not,” Sehun says, and smiles as Yerim glances up at him. “Twenty minutes? Then we’ll do sprints?”

The hard part is that most of the boys on the team, especially the older ones, have gotten it so ingrained in their technique to use shorter poles more in the style of Alpine and they don’t seem to know what to do with their poles. It ends up, as Sehun watches now while walking towards them, in them all just whacking each other with them and laughing at how now it’s even harder to avoid them.

“Watch it!” Sehun shouts, frowning as he sees the tip of one of the swinging poles venture dangerously close to Jimin’s face. “I don’t want anyone getting an involuntary piercing with those. Tips _down_ or you get to stand with me and do push ups.”

“How many?” Jackson asks, looking almost excited about potentially getting out of poling drills.

“Until the end of practice,” Sehun says. “No breaks. Even if your abs actually set themselves on fire because you feel the burn so intensely.”

Of course, instead of looking less excited about the prospect, Jackson nods appreciatively and says, “hard core.”

“My poles are too long,” Hoseok almost whines, holding them up and shaking them, a distinct look of dissatisfaction on his face. 

Sighing, Sehun turns to Yugyeom, holding out his hands. “May I?” he asks, and Yugyeom turns even more pink as he hands Sehun his poles. Luckily, Yugyeom hit his growth spurt way ahead of his peers, which makes him stand out like a sore thumb among the other freshman (especially Youngjae), but which means his poles are actually about the size Sehun needs.

Holding a pole in each hand, Sehun grips onto them and plants them on either side of his feet. At this height, the proper height, they’re stand just about level with his nose. “See this?” he says, looking around at the team. “Your poles _should_ be about this height.” Most of the boys all mimic him, Taehyung leaning forward to his poles and squishing his nose against one, and goes slightly cross eyed. “Why?”

No one answers, which Sehun is glad for, because at least he knows now that he doesn’t have to teach rhetorical questions for them to follow him (which he can’t say the same for in classes).

“The whole purpose of poles being so long in Nordic isn’t for technique or balance or grounding, like it is in Alpine, but because you _need_ the extra strength to push through your arms to follow through on the weight transfer from ski to ski,” Sehun explains, and a few heads nod.

“But we’re just running with poles,” Jaebum points out.

“You’re getting used to the motion,” Sehun says. “This isn’t about getting your weight transfer right now, it’s about the natural movement in your arms, and the wrist flick.”

“The _what_?” Mark chokes, and stumbles from where he’d been leaning against his poles.

“Every time you plant your pole and push your weight through, you’re trying to put as much strength into that pole to push yourself forward as hard and fast as you can,” Sehun continues and shifts to demonstrate what it would look like. “When you’re skiing, you need to move into the next movement fast, or you lose time and energy and can get sloppy. So you need to snap that pole back into your hand.” A few more heads nod. “Imagine it this way,” Sehun tries. “And poles down for this one.”

It takes a few moments, but the boys all manage to get their poles on the ground, Jaebum looking skeptical.

“I want all of you to imagining you’re holding a glass of champagne in your hand,” Sehun tells them.

“But we can’t drink,” Seokjin reminds.

“Mr. Oh is just encouraging bad behavior,” Yoongi drawls. “Report him.”

“Fine,” Sehun sighs. “Imagine you’re holding a champagne glass full of dye.” He demonstrates, holding up his hands in front of him, in the proper position that he’d actually be holding his poles. “Then, in order to snap your poles back into your hand, you have to fling whatever is in your champagne glass over your shoulder and onto the person behind you.”

Immediately, every boy gets a sudden light in their eyes and snaps their wrists back, flinging their imaginary champagne glasses of dye onto whoever is behind them. Taehyung goes as far to spin around and laugh at Jimin’s startled face, standing right behind him. “You’re all perfect,” Sehun tells them, and gets a few smiles and laughs. “But that’s the motion you want. That wrist snap, once your poles are in your grips, will get them back into your hands so you can plant them and push off again.”

“So it’s kind of like we’re using our arms as much as our legs,” Jaebum says, nodding a bit as they all stoop to grab their poles again.

“That’s the whole point,” Sehun confirms. “Nordic isn’t about absorbing weight and shock through your legs, and you don’t get your speed by cutting edges, but by using your whole body weight and balance to focus on your skis and the glide. You need your arms and abdomen and back working just as hard, if not harder.”

“Is that why we had to do those weird swan jumps?” Jeongguk asks, looping his hands through his pole straps. They’d ended practice two days ago doing double poling drills, where everyone must start, half bent and arms extended back, jump forward with both feet and fully extend up, and land coming back into their starting position.

It’s essentially the exact same motion for double poling, but Sehun hadn’t seen the logic in explaining that to them when there wasn’t any real context yet.

“That’s exactly why you all did swan jumps,” Sehun nods, and Jeongguk smiles, clearly pleased with his ability to draw connections. “And while we can’t do a full demo for poling, today I want you to focus on getting used to running with your poles.”

“Why?”

“So you get used to them in your hands and pushing through your arms,” Sehun says. “May I?” he asks, turning to Yugyeom again. “I want all of you,” he says, turning from them. “To run from this end of the field and back, poling on the alternate leg.”

Turning, Sehun grips onto Yugyeom’s poles, and runs a short distance. It’s a simple exercise, where it’s mostly just making sure not to pole your foot accidentally (hence the whole alternate system) and getting the angle of planting the pole steady. Turning and jogging back to the team, still poling, Sehun smiles.

“This is the main technique you’ll need for when we do classic skiing,” he explains as they all nod. In the back, he can already see Yibo beginning to jog in place, carefully planting his poles on the alternate. “Which will look a lot more graceful than what I just did.”

“And if we don’t want to do this,” Jackson poses.

“You can stay with me and do push ups until everyone else is done,” Sehun finishes. He blinks as Hoseok steps from the group and walks up beside him, and stares at the dead set expression on Hoseok’s face. Then Jimin snorts loudly and Hoseok’s composure crumbles, collapsing into laughter with the rest of the boys’ team and stumbling back to his teammates. “Very, very funny,” Sehun says, allowing himself a smile of his own as he pats Hoseok on the shoulder. “From here to the end of the field and back,” he calls.

With Jaebum and Mark in the lead, the team all takes off. They’re all, well, a complete mess at first, the only few who seems to get the hang of it almost immediately being Yoongi and Seokjin, Yibo trailing behind them, while the rest flail for a moment. It has Sehun laughing a bit, watching them and as a strong sense of fondness brews in his chest.

The team has only been together for a few weeks, but already Sehun can see the friendships and groupings taking hold, mostly by grade, but there is a surprising amount of mixing. Despite being a senior, Seokjin is extremely playful with the younger students, and seems to be one of the few who is actually gentle with Yibo. Yoongi, for all his sleepy attitude, is the most dedicated (aside from Jaebum) to trying to nail technique.

Then there’s other members of the team who are clearly just excited to be out and doing the sport. They’re the noisiest, and tend to clump together far more. They also are the ones that keep managing to get hurt, Jimin and Taehyung piling up on each other and often dragging Jeongguk and Yugyeom down with them, Hoseok sometimes jumping in at the last minute before Jackson realizes he’s missing anything.

It is different though, this type of teaching instead of classroom teaching. In the classroom, Sehun is constantly on his watch, checking over material and working with students and supervising activities, checking learning goals and criteria. Out here, on the athletic field, Sehun can only show them what they need to do, and then, basically, set them free and pray they come back to him in one piece.

They mostly do (though the swinging poles needs to stop or someone is bound to lose an eye). It’s much less intense, keeping an eye on them as they run up and down the field, calling out critique and encouragement to each member as they huff and puff back and forth. On the other side of the field, Sehun can see the girls team running the same drill, though they’re traveling mostly in lines rather than a pack, Sunyoung alternating their starts.

“Grip your poles harder,” Sehun says, reaching out to Jimin as the boy reaches him, cheeks red with cold and exertion. “And make sure to loop your pole straps. It’ll make it easier when you’re running.”

“Okay, Mr. Oh,” Jimin says, and smiles brightly before turning and running back down the field.

It leaves him smiling, even as the cold air of approaching winter nips at his skin, creeping under his collar. It’s fun, in it’s own way, and even as he watches the boys fumble, trying to get the technique down and end up laughing at each other, it’s not hard to see them having fun too. It’s been years, but Sehun can feel the same soft tugs of how that feels, laughing and running around with team mates, friends that feel closer than friends.

A family that supports each other, who picks each other up when they fall and are the soft place to fall after a hard race that leaves the body shaking and nothing but nerves. It’s the feeling of pushing, learning about themselves and each other and despite differences, all learning that they can still have fun together.

It’s growing, reflected in the smiles on their faces, the brightness in their eyes as they wrap up their fourth lap, finally all catching onto the poling exercises, and shouting to the end.

“Four more!” Sehun shouts to them, the wind picking up and tugging at him. It carries their voices back to him, all shouting in confirmation before they’re off, thundering down the field, poles flying and whooping each other along.

Even in the cold, the bitter temperatures hopefully promising snow soon, Sehun can feel the warmth that swells under his skin as he remembers that feeling of smiling, finally a part of that family.

✦

_The world outside the window that morning was white, soft and silent with the quiet blanket of freshly falling snow. The first snow of the year._

_It’s barely accumulated on the ground, but it’s just enough that there are footprints all around the school, on the sidewalks, and to make the floors of the school slick and send shoes squeaking. It’s enough snow to have students staring out the windows at any time they can during the day, distracted by the soft flakes of snow that drift down before the teachers call attention back to the lessons._

_It’s enough to have had Sehun sitting in nervous excitement the whole day, wondering if they’ll get out on skis and if the tracks will be groomed for practice that day._

_The first time Sehun was on skis, it was when his brother and his friend had gone up with the friend’s family to a local mountain. They’d taken Sehun along for fun, and Sehun had been plugged into stiff downhill ski boots, stuck on a pair of skis, and sent down the bunny slope. The fact that most of the time Sehun had been upright had consisted of him screaming bloody murder because he had_ no idea _what he was doing doesn’t elude Sehun’s memory. Or the fact that he fell about every five feet and ended up a sobbing sniveling mess plopped in the ski lodge with hot chocolate for half the day._

_But this is different. Sehun isn’t seven years old and out of his league trying to ski with people who have no idea he’s completely inexperienced. Sehun is fifteen, he’s been training hard for weeks trying to get his muscles ready for this, to get his body used to shifting weight to balance perfectly over the center of one foot. Sehun has ignored hours of homework to go running at midnight or do push ups in his room before his mother catches him and tells him to go to bed._

_Sehun is ready for this, and his skin is humming in excitement as he finally slips into his ski boots, the team loud and yelling excitedly as they all traipse from the equipment room, holding freshly waxed skis and poles. This is finally the moment Sehun gets to actually_ ski _after itching for the snow to fall for weeks._

_“Alright!” Coach barks, bits of snow fluttering into his face and settling on his large orange hat. “Newbies, you stay here with Minho and Sojin! Returning members, I want ten laps around the field. Starting now. Anyone who falls behind gets to deal with me.”_

_“Aye, Coach!” choruses the older team members, and Sehun’s heart pounds in his ears as he watches them take off over the freshly groomed trail. Chanyeol casts him a faint look of worry, his eyes drifting to Jongin and Taemin, before he smiles in apology and skies off to join the others. The is barely a moment before they’re gone, bodies swinging in an almost graceful skating motion as their skies cut through the fresh snow in a soft swishing sound._

_“Alright,” calls Minho, and Sehun turns back with his pulse jumping towards their team captain. Minho is looking to Sojin, a small smile on his face. “You wanna take the girls and I’ll take the boys with me? We can cover more ground if we split up.”_

_“Fine by me,” Sojin laughs, and slips her hands through her pole straps, gripping them in her gloved hands with a brilliant smile. “Girls! You heard the man! Follow me!”_

_“How?” Jinri almost wails, stumbling a bit as she looks at her captain. Her cheeks are bright red, and looking unsure in her freshly bound skis._

_So far, that’s the only thing they’ve learned to do on their skis; learned how to step into their bindings. It’s a little strange, the small fasten at the tip of Sehun’s boot, holding him fastened to a ski that feels light as a feather. Nothing at all like downhill skis._

_Shifting a bit, his feet slide easily over the snow, the smooth bottom of the skis gliding and he almost wobbles, catching his balance with his grip hard to his planted poles. Looking up, Sehun catches Jongin’s amused smile before he watches Jinri faceplant just over Jongin’s shoulder, and startles into laughter._

_“Don’t laugh too soon, that’ll be you in a minute,” Minho says, voice a little too close, and Sehun chokes._

_“I’ll be fine,” Sehun says, with confidence he’s not sure he feels to back up that statement._

_“You’re all going to fall a lot today,” Minho says, and grins around at the boys looking up at him. “That’s just how it is. You don’t get through your first day without falling. It just doesn’t work like that.”_

_“How many times did you fall?” Taemin asks, chewing on the zipper pull of his jacket._

_“I didn’t,” Minho says, and then laughs. “I grew up doing this stuff. I was skiing before you could aim into the toilet.”_

_The look on Taemin’s face has Sehun stifling a laugh, tucking his smile into his jacket collar as he looks at Minho and catches his wink._

_“Just follow what I do, okay?” Minho says, turning from them, stepping easily on his skis as he positions onto the trail. “You need to step from one ski to the other, like we practiced in the drills for this, just shifting from one ski to the other; one foot to the other.” As he speaks, he models what he’s doing, and even if he’s just stepping from one foot to the other, suddenly he’s moving, gliding over the snow in a smooth fluid motion, almost floating over the white._

_“Shit, that’s easy,” Taemin scoffs. He’s the first to step forward, wobbling a bit, and mimicking Minho. Planting his poles, Taemin steps forward, shifting his balance from one foot, gliding a few feet, and then wobbling with a jerk to the other, where he tips violently and lands with a loud yelp directly into the snow._

_“That’s number one,” Minho says, laughing as he turns and stops. It’s almost ethereal, how he just_ moves _like he’s floating. It looks effortless, and Sehun can feel his heart beating in anticipation in his chest at how amazing it is. “Get used to it,” Minho says, leaning over Taemin as the younger boy struggles to push himself back to his feet and just flops back into the snow. “All of you! Start moving!”_

_Hands gripping hard around the handles of his poles, Sehun casts one look to Jongin beside him, and then steps forward. Immediately, it’s nothing like what they’d done before. This isn’t just stepping from one foot to the other, it’s balancing on a thin board that slides so smoothly under him Sehun can’t tell where his balance is. Faltering, he jerks back towards the middle, stepping back onto his other foot, stumbling and barely catching himself with a yelp._

_“Keep going!”_

_Gasping a bit, Sehun looks up to see Minho ahead of them, swinging back and forth from foot to foot, skating in a silently graceful pendulum swing of his legs as he looks back at them. It’s the most beautiful thing Sehun has ever seen._

_“Shit!” Jongin yelps, and Sehun jumps as his friend plows to the ground beside him, then bursts out laughing._

_“Nice,” Sehun tells him, snorting as Jongin lets out a whine and slumps into the snow. “You’re off to a great start.”_

_“Whatever,” Jongin grumbles, pushing himself to his feet, wobbling a bit as he tries to balance on skis that try to slip out from under him. “Shit! This is_ hard _!”_

_“No swearing,” Sehun reminds._

_“Shut up, we’re not actually racing,” Taemin growls from where he’s trying to ski beside them, mostly planting his poles and wobbling back and forth. “We can swear all we damn want.”_

_“I don’t see skiing!” shouts from ahead of them, Minho stopped and staring back at them. How did he get so_ far _ahead of them? “Come on! This is ski practice, not social hour, ladies!”_

_“I’m offended!” Taemin shouts back to him._

_“Oh behalf of the ladies on our team,” Sehun shouts as well. “It’s rude to say Taemin is remotely like them.”_

_“Asshole,” Taemin grunts, and Sehun yelps as the other boy lunges at him, realizing only too late that he can’t run when his feet are attached to skis. He can, however,_ ski _, and manages to glide a few feet, just out of Taemin’s reach, before he wobbles and nearly falls._

_“Hey!” Taemin yells, but it sounds muted in Sehun’s ears, heart beating fast as he’s still standing, still moving, and finally skiing._

_“Hey!” Sehun calls, looking up at Minho ahead of them and feeling a rush of excitement. “I’m doing it!”_

_“Do it more!” Minho shouts. “Try to ski up to where I am.”_

_Heart jumping, and every limb feeling electric with the rush of finally being out, Sehun pushes ahead, stepping onto his other foot and wobbling slightly as he focuses his weight. It works, and pushing off a bit on his poles, Sehun steps to the other foot, then back, wobbling, and then-_

_He lets out a scream as he pitches too far, legs wobbling as his balance shifts and he careens straight into the snow in a loud flump._

_Laughter rings out over the snow, and Sehun, face burning from the snow against his skin and the embarrassment under it, looks up. “Nice!” Minho calls. “First fall of the day! Now we’re all even!”_

_It’s not the last fall of the day. Far from it, by the time Jongin, Sehun, and Taemin make it to where Minho is, all three of them have fallen at least ten times. Yet with every fall, Sehun can feel himself getting stronger, more confident on his skis, stepping his weight from leg to leg, pushing off with his poles with every step. With every fall, Sehun feels a bit more settled in skating over the snow, his skis making a soft rushing sound under him and a faint rhythm forming in his limbs._

_“Good,” Minho says, and looks at them all in something akin to pride. “You did well! Now, let’s see how far we can all get without falling.” Looking at them all, he points at Sehun first. “Sehun, I want you to go first, then Jongin, and then Taemin.”_

_“What about you?” Sehun asks, his nerves jumping under his skin._

_“I’m going to ski behind you,” Minho explains. “When I think you’re ready, I’ll ski up ahead and take the lead. Once you guys stop falling on your asses.”_

_“That’s reassuring,” Taemin grumbles, and Minho shifts, pushing back before suddenly swinging around, almost flying over the snow as he skates around them over the snow, his body fluid._

_“It should be,” Minho says. “And it should be intimidating. Because if you fall, I’ll run you over. Sehun, you take the lead.”_

_The words of anxiety, nervous excitement, asking ‘_ are you sure you want me to?’ _getting caught in Sehun’s throat as Minho yells, “go!” and he stumbles, pushing of and over the trail. Step one, glide, wobble, step again, wobble, glide, step again, glide, jerk, step, glide, step, glide, step, wobble, glide, step, glide, step, glide, step, glide, and Sehun’s breathing picks up, pushing with his poles as the rhythm sinks in and thrums happily in his veins._

_“I’m doing it,” Sehun gasps, eyes wide and mouth turning up in happiness. In excited pride. “I’m doing it!”_

_“Sehun!”_

_The sound of his name rings in his ears along with Jongin and Minho’s laughter as Sehun lands in the snow, his skis twisting together and poles flying around him. Without realizing it, he’s laughing, soft cool snowflakes fluttering down to his cheeks as the warmth swells in his chest and spills out into the air in little white clouds on his breath._

❉

There should be some sort of rule that first period should be kept as a reserve for some of the teachers to be able to utilize as their planning periods. Or at least give some of the content teachers a bit more time to do their prep work. The issue is that there’s so much emphasis on progressive learning, and the old systems in school that let the students sit and study are quickly fading.

Gone are the days when students had a regular study hall, instead integrating into new systems of study periods when they have structure through the entire day. It leaves any open period that Sehun _does_ have to be taken up in meetings through most of the week.

“Are we sure we can cover that?” Sehun asks, looking up from is planning books to where Jia has her pen stuck between her teeth.

“If we manage to wrap up _The Odyssey_ before Christmas break-“ she breaks off, coughing as she glances to where Fei makes a soft sound in her throat. “Sorry, _Holiday_ break, then we can probably start the next unit in January right after midterms and we can do the special unit.”

“And that will give us enough time to wrap up any last minute stuff of the epic,” Sehun agrees, nodding as he looks over the Learning Targets they’d mapped out at the beginning of the year. He sighs, wishing that his list of assessments looked more like Daehyun’s. But then, sciences aren’t given the same assessment materials that Language Arts is, and Daehyun already has taken a few of his assessments to help with Sehun’s load.

“I think it should,” Jia sighs, and looks over at the rest of the Freshman and Sophomore teachers. “Do we need to go over anything else?”

It’s one of the numerous morning meetings that they have during the week, and Sehun is still learning the personalities, teaching styles, and behaviors of his fellow teachers. It’s a little strange, to still be treated like the new guy after being here a few months and definitely earning his keep, but in a way Sehun doesn’t entirely mind being given a little leniency.

He needs it right now, especially after the exhausting week he’s had. Practices have been pushing further and further, what with sizing and setting kids up with skis on top of Sehun’s usual paperwork outside of classes. No matter how many hours he has at school, he’s up all hours now working on grading assignments, reading over papers, creating quizzes and assessment materials. And when he’s not up doing that, he’s on the phone, trying to get in contact with parents to check up on them.

This week had been of a panic moment when he’d realized that Yibo was being sent to the Language Support room when the teacher was out on sick leave, and he’d gotten an angry phone call from Mrs. Wong in a language he didn’t understand.

“You okay?” Amber asks, catching him as he packs up from the meeting, her hand lingering on his arm. She smiles at him, though her eyes study him, taking in the dark circles Sehun knows are under his eyes and the tired lines to his face. It’s been too many late nights. “You look worse than a cat stuck in a sack.”

“I-“ Sehun coughs out a lack, and shakes his head, stepping back from Amber as she smiles at him. “I’m alright, just have a lot going on.”

“I can tell,” Amber says, and doesn’t let him escape before looping her arm around his neck. It’s familiar, and Amber is touchy with all the other teachers. It’s fine. “I hope you get to have a good weekend to just kick back and relax. Remember, the kids aren’t giving you any essays next week. We’re just running simulations and reading checks, so you better sleep this weekend.”

“I’ll try,” Sehun tells her, and smiles even as he knows he won’t rest much this weekend.

“Are you free tonight?” Amber asks, and Sehun pauses, faltering as they walk back to their wing.

“Tonight?” Sehun asks, and Amber’s arm feels heavy around his shoulders. “I’m- I’ve got plans.”

“Oh,” Amber says, and looks slightly disappointed. “Man, you really are busy.”

Shrugging, Sehun pulls away a bit, tucking his hands into his pockets. There are papers he needs to grade, and he has a sophomore class coming in next period that he _really_ wants to go over proper essay structure with. Again.

Paragraphs seem to be a serious issue with this class especially, primarily in the way that the class doesn’t seem to want to use them. Ever. It’s just one of the few things behind Sehun’s increasingly frequent headaches.

That, and how Junmyeon keeps dropping by to add another detail about the ski sale and Sehun thinks he may as well just ask the other man to move into his classroom to make it easier on him. Though, now he knows Junmyeon a bit better, Junmyeon would probably just laugh at the offer and tell him no, he likes the exercise.

Sehun sighs. “That’s me,” he says, trying to smile at Amber and shake the feeling of her arm around him away. “Busy as a bee.”

“I thought I might have finally been able to drag you out,” Amber sighs, and Sehun’s stomach turns unpleasantly, his hands digging deeper into his pockets as he feels warmth crawl up the back of his neck. He wets his lips, not sure how to answer. “I mean, I know Jongdae keeps talking about it, but we really do need to get you to come out with us one of these nights.”

Sehun blinks, spit sticking in his throat. “What?”

“But you’re always so busy, it’s hard to pin you down, especially now you’re coaching all the time.” Amber is still smiling, the hair she’d tucked behind her ear falling forward, framing her face.

“Oh,” Sehun says numbly, scrambling to pick up where he’d gotten lost in the lines of communication until- “ _Oh!_ The teachers dinners you guys have.”

Amber’s laugh rings in the hallway, her face creasing in humor as she looks at him and the warm crawl hikes further up Sehun’s neck, slipping gently to his cheeks. “Of course,” Amber says. “We’ve had a hard time organizing them this fall, mostly because Yixing is trying to coordinate with Baekhyun all the time and Baekhyun’s schedule is _awful_ , and Kyungsoo’s got the One Acts to deal with, but I promise we’ll settle on a normal night soon. Then you won’t have an excuse to not come because of a scheduling conflict.”

“Right,” Sehun says, swallowing down the nerves that had risen from just moments before. Of _course_ Amber was talking about the teacher’s dinner. It’s been years since Sehun had to explain himself like he’d just thought he had to, but still, the reactivity is still there.

It will probably always be there.

“Unless you _do_ schedule something,” Amber adds, turning to walk back to her room. “In which case, you’re just rude.”

“What if I’m sick?” Sehun calls after her.

“Then you’re extra rude,” Amber answers, and sticks out her tongue at Sehun’s laugh. “But you really should come. We don’t get to see you much outside of the teacher’s room and morning meetings, and I know Yixing has been itching to pick your brain about selections for the spring play.”

“I thought Kyungsoo was doing the spring play,” Sehun says, pausing by his classroom.

“Yixing wants to do another musical,” Amber says, and wags her eyebrows. “Which is why he needs your help to convince Kyungsoo to work with him together on it.”

“I’ll work on it,” Sehun says, and Amber laughs, turning down the hall to head back to the math wing.

Slipping back into his chair behind his desk, Sehun lets out a sigh, pushing his face into his hands as he leans his elbows on the desktop. He can still feel the soft creep up the back of his neck, an irritating and uncomfortable warmth prickling just under his skin in a subtle reminder. It’s been a while since Sehun had to really explain himself, but he has to remember that not everyone knows.

Not everyone is Kyungsoo, and not everyone can pick up on him like Jia had when she’d barely known him for ten minutes. Not everyone is Sunyoung, who just casually skims over the topic and leaves it alone when he doesn’t give her a full answer about if he’s married or not.

It’s only so long that Sehun can get away looking ‘too young to get married’. It’s only so long before he has to think about talking to people about it again, before Chanyeol tries to set him up again and Sehun has to sit through another awkward dinner wanting to crawl under the table cloth and disappear.

Truthfully, if Sehun is honest with himself, he’s pretty sure that’s what Chanyeol will want to do this weekend. They’d been planning this weekend for a while, a trip into the city to visit with some hold high school friends that had moved there, and Sehun is almost dreading knowing Chanyeol will try to find him someone ‘nice’ as well.

Just so he’s not left out.

Despite years of wanting to tell Chanyeol, Sehun keeps his mouth closed, never saying _”I’ve been left out since you and Jongin had to take care of a robot baby together and got lost at the mall”_. It’s always there, right on the tip of his tongue, but he never says it.

It’s not worth it.

Perhaps, if Sehun manages, he can bring home enough work this weekend to back out of the visit. It would be a dick move, but Sehun has enough to do for work, grading the sophomore’s papers on _The Great Gatsby_ alone would take a lot of the time on the weekend, the _entire_ weekend if he takes his time. It would take the whole weekend if Sehun takes breaks to go for a few runs. If he calls, he’s pretty sure Jia would go run with him. Or Minseok maybe, if he can get time away.

It would be a dick move though. As much as Sehun has felt something like the awkward third wheel since Taemin moved out over the summer, Jongin and Chanyeol are still his best friends. Even if they mean something different to each other than he means to them, they still care about him. They still want to keep him, and worry about him.

Even if Jongin doesn’t try to set Sehun up on dates like Chanyeol does, Sehun knows his long time friend still worries that Sehun has been flying on his own for so long.

 _”You’ll find someone,”_ had been the most awkward but sincere thing Jongin had said to him last month over a plate of spaghetti before Jongin had turned as red as the pasta sauce and poked a meatball off his plate.

It’s enough. Enough to have Sehun let out a long sigh and press the tips of his fingers against temples and massage away the headache. It’ll mean more work on Sunday night, but at least going into the city means seeing the old group again.

It means Sehun can pretend that he isn’t still hiding, still afraid of messing up, and still has control of himself now.

That he’s okay, and not swimming in over his head always feeling slightly unprepared and winded when he’s standing at the front of the classroom. _I can do this_ he repeats silently in his head, breathing in and out as he hears the bell ring, signaling the end of the period and passing. Letting out the breath, Sehun drops his hands, eyes opening, and looks for the lesson materials for the next class.

It’s not the time to think about what he isn’t sure about and what he’s still struggling to talk about. Classes aren’t for him to worry about himself, or get wrapped up in his thoughts. Classes are for the students, where Sehun leaves his worries and fears at the door and becomes what his students need.

“Hi, Mr. Oh,” Taehyung says, swinging into the classroom looking like he’s about to careen into a desk. “Did you have a good lunch?”

“I did, thank you,” Sehun says, smiling at Taehyung as he watches him march to his desk. He’s wearing an oversized sweatshirt today, holes in the sleeves and the cuffs hanging over his fingers, hair a complete mess. “Did you do the reading for today?”

“Of course!” Taehyung says, plopping down into his chair just as the rest of the class barrels in, all talking loudly and whatever else Taehyung was going to say gets swept away in the crash of Jimin, Chansik, and Hwasa all arguing loudly over something from last night’s episode of… whatever.

Smiling, Sehun pulls over the high bar stool that he’d brought in earlier that month to use during book discussions and leans against it. Now is the time for teaching, and he breathes out himself and breathes in the strength to deal with sophomore boys.

❉

As it turns out, Friday isn’t nearly as chaotic as Sehun thinks it will be, and by the time Jongdae steps up to his side as he leaves the teacher’s room for lunch, Sehun has already been roped in. “You’re never there,” Jongdae says.

“That’s because you guys can’t organize to save your lives,” Sehun reminds him, pushing down the nervous jolt in his stomach as Jongdae grins widely at him.

“We've had a lot going on this year,” Jongdae shrugs. “And honestly, with all the activities, we usually try not to plan dinners. Mostly because they end up getting thrown off anyway. Take musical season for example.”

“Or Yixing panic season,” Sehun reminds.

“Exactly,” Jongdae smiles at him, eyes turning up into crescents. “We always meet up around seven. Do you know where _The Star_ is?”

“The restaurant?”

“Well, we can’t really have a teacher’s dinner if we don’t actually go out to eat,” Jongdae laughs. “And it’s been years since we realized pot lucks were way too much effort and planning. It’s easier to just get someone else to make our food for us.”

“Are you sure-“

“Kyungsoo will be there,” Jongdae adds, smiling still as he claps Sehun on his shoulder. “If you want, bring you girlfriend.” He pauses, hand lingering on Sehun’s shoulder as a soft curl winds in Sehun’s gut and he tries to keep it off his face, opening his mouth to say _I don’t have one_. “Or boyfriend. Whichever you prefer.”

The heat is unexpected and strong on Sehun’s cheeks as he feels Jongdae squeeze his shoulder before stepping away. He doesn’t even get the chance to say _I don’t have one_ anyway, and the words slide back down his throat to gurgle with his reheated kimchi fried rice he’d had for lunch. 

_“Are you sure?”_ Jongin asks him on the phone when Sehun calls him before practice. _“I mean, that’s great! I’ll tell Chanyeol when he gets home, and we won’t wait up.”_

“Please don’t,” Sehun says with a half relieved sigh. “I don’t know how long I’ll be out, and I know you two want to get up early tomorrow to-“

_“Aren’t you coming with us?”_

“I don’t have to,” Sehun hedges, glancing up at the clock in his classroom. Practice starts in about ten minutes, and Sehun wants to make sure to be there. Sunyoung will already be there and have the room unlocked, but Sehun wants to make sure when the team starts arriving he’s already in the rooms with them. “I know you and Chanyeol will-“

 _“But it’ll be more fun with you there,”_ Jongin says, and almost pouts at him. _“Unless-“_ Jongin trails off, and Sehun recognizes the silence immediately.

“Fine, you big baby, I’ll go,” Sehun says, sitting back in his chair and pushing his hand through his hair, getting it off his face. It reminds him of when he was younger, when he used to love having his hair played with, relaxing into fingers carding through it. “Twist my arm why don’t you. Plus, you and Chanyeol would get lost in about ten seconds without me.”

 _“We’d be fine,”_ Jongin says, and the pout is loud through the phone.

“Jongin, you got lost in our dorm in freshman year,” Sehun reminds him.

 _”It was a new place!”_ Jongin protests, though there is a laugh hidden under his tone that Sehun voices, standing up to head to practice. _”Anyway, have fun tonight. Play nice with your new friends. Don’t bite them.”_

“I’ll try very hard not to,” Sehun says, chuckling as he ends the call.

Lately, watching the team has been a bit like watching a very interesting, very flawed robot learn to do very basic tasks. Like walk. It works very hard, all parts putting in their best efforts, but it’s not quite there yet. The team is still learning each other, and Sehun, by default, is still learning them as well.

There is definitely a gap growing between the more athletic and driven kids and the kids who are more interested in doing the sport for fun, but Sehun is glad to see them all talking together, slowly pushing into each other’s space during breaks. They’re getting stronger, working together and pushing each other in small segments when Sehun has them run through exercises.

All of them, from Yerim and her pigtails to Jaebum and his precise direction of his fellow teammates, are hungry for snow. Sehun had jumped for a small hot pot to store in the equipment shelves, a large container of hot chocolate powder stuck beside it, and he can hear them at the end of practice chattering together about the forecasts, when snow will come, when they’ll get out and skiing.

It’s still humming in his ears when Sehun pushes through the doors of _The Star_ , the local slightly upscale restaurant in the downtown area, at seven o’clock. It doesn’t take long to find the other teachers, Jongdae and Kyungsoo seated together with Jia and Fei in one of the larger corner tables near the bar. Jongdae sees him first, standing up and smiling, walking over to pull Sehun to the table to sit down.

“You didn’t even change yet,” Jongdae is laughing, pulling Sehun to sit beside him as the table greets him. “Sehun, the most dedicated of all of us. Even Kyungsoo changed.”

“You would too if you’d been around doing drama auditions all afternoon,” Kyungsoo sighs, taking a sip of his beer and smiling a little. It’s a bit strange, seeing him this at ease when Sehun is so used to seeing him now in work contexts. The reminder that Kyungsoo isn’t always in teacher mode is soothing, and Sehun finds himself relaxing a bit.

“How did they go?” Fei asks, leaning closer as she plays with her drink umbrella. “I mean, aside from how Jinyoung probably tried out for every role.”

“He and Junghwan,” Kyungsoo says, mouth twitching in a smile. “I have no idea what I’m going to do with Junghwan. He kept insisting to read for everyone, and I’m half tempted to just go with it and let him take the female lead.”

“Were the girls that bad?” Jia laughs, sitting back in her chair.

“No!” Kyungsoo says, eyes wide as he looks around at all of them. “He was just better than all of them!”

“Make him the male lead?” Sehun suggests, and Jongdae lets out a soft chuckle.

“I envy you, Sehun,” Fei sighs. “You don’t even know.”

“He had the male lead in the musical, though,” Sehun points out, recalling the show from just a few weeks ago. 

“You can ask Yixing when he gets here,” Jongdae says, patting Sehun’s hand in an almost mothering fashion. “He’ll explain.”

“Explain what?” asks the man in question, stepping up and draping his coat over the back of the chair. Beside Yixing is another man, one Sehun has heard stories about mostly but saw a few times during the Musical season helping Yixing out with the production. He’s always smiling, and greets the table as Yixing slips in with a bright voice and warm laughter. They take a moment to order as the waitress drops by before Yixing’s turning back to the table. “What am I explaining to Sehun?”

“Why Sandeul was the male lead in the musical,” Jongdae says.

“Oh,” Yixing says, and sits down beside Jia, his husband taking the chair beside him. “Because none of the other boys could hit the tenor parts and I knew he’d look stranger in a dress than Seunghwan, even if he insisted otherwise.”

“And I told him to,” the man beside him says, his smile wide and Sehun catches as their hands come together under the table.

“That too,” Yixing adds, and turns to exchange a look with his husband. “Baekhyun usually gets his way.”

“Always,” Jongdae coughs loudly.

“It’s because I’m usually right,” Baekhyun adds, and grins at Yixing when he earns a frown for his cheek. 

Sehun smiles though, relaxing a bit more into his seat as they lean into each other, both of them taking over the conversation and letting him just sit and listen for a while. He doesn’t realize he’s been bought a drink until it’s delivered, and flushes a bit when Baekhyun grins at him and says “Because you look on edge, and I thought it’d help to take a bit of that edge off.”

“Thanks,” Sehun says, and takes a sip. It’s sweet, covering up the taste of alcohol and he sighs, trying to sooth some of the tension on his shoulders.

“So,” Fei says, turning towards him. “I know we’ve been working with you for a few months, but it still feels like we don’t really know you, Sehun.” She smiles, and it’s non threatening, just friendly and genuine. “Tell us a bit about yourself.”

“We don’t bite,” Jia says, and grins. “Well, Baekhyun does.”

“That’s why we have Yixing though,” Jongdae adds. “He’s the buffer.”

“They’re kidding,” Baekhyun says, looking between Jia and Jongdae.

“Are we?” Jongdae says, and throws Baekhyun a look.

“Stop, you’re scaring the kid,” Kyungsoo sighs from the corner and Sehun feels red crawl over his cheeks.

“I’m fine,” Sehun says, shaking his head as all eyes turn on him. “I’m just not used to, well, explaining myself. If I’d known I was going to have to introduce myself to an audience, I would have prepared more.”

“We can give you a few moments to gather your thoughts before you deliver your life history,” Yixing says sincerely and Jongdae snorts into his drink loudly, choking a moment later. “Take your time,” Yixing adds sweetly, and smiles and flinches the next moment as Baekhyun slaps him lightly.

“Well,” Sehun begins, one hand curling into his lap. “I was born-“ The table laughs, and Sehun smiles, feeling the nerves that he’d walked in with slowly slip away. “But really, what do you want to know? I’m an open book.”

“What do you think of the school so far?” Jia asks. “And be honest.”

“I like it,” Sehun answers easily.

“I said be honest,” Jia says, and laughs at Sehun’s faltering expression.

“I do,” Sehun says earnestly, even as Jia laughs and he knows she hadn’t been serious. It still sits with him though, wanting to explain. “I do, I just have a lot going on. I like working here though, and getting to know all the kids and staff.” The eyes of the table all turn to him, and Sehun swallows. “Especially you guys.”

“Good answer,” Baekhyun tells him in a loud whisper. “They’ll like you more now.”

“He’s friends with me, they have to like him out of obligation,” Kyungsoo adds from the corner seat and it breaks some of the lull that had settled over the table.

“And coaching is going well?” Jia asks.

“I like it,” Sehun adds. “A lot. The kids are great and Sunyoung, my assistant coach, is a huge help. I’m glad I took the position.”

“And Junmyeon?” Jongdae asks, looking at him curiously.

“What about him?”

“He’s okay too?”

“Why wouldn’t he be?” Sehun asks, frowning.

“Sunyoung hasn’t told you?” Jia asks, and looks almost confused. “About Junmyeon?”

Frowning, Sehun sits back a bit, pushing down the nervous ripple through his stomach as he’s saved from answering immediately as their food arrives. Then the attention is back on him as the other teachers dig in. “She mentioned the old coach and Junmyeon didn’t really get along that well, that there were some issues.”

“I think that’s the most polite way I’ve ever heard it phrased,” Jongdae says, and grins over his linguini. Sehun stares. He’d known since he started here that Jongdae and Junmyeon were friends, close friends even, and he’d never expect to hear something like that come from Jongdae.

“What are you talking about?”

“Junmyeon can be-” Fei pauses, pursing her lips as she searches for the right word.

“A pain in the ass?” Kyungsoo suggests.

“Difficult is the word I was going for, but I guess in some cases he can be,” Fei says, nodding to Kyungsoo. “He’s just a bit more ingrained in his mindset about how things should be and can be stubborn.” Jongdae snorts into his food.

“That’s an understatement,” Jia says, throwing Sehun a look. “I’m glad he hasn’t given you any trouble.”

A part of Sehun, and he’s not sure why, almost feels badly. Sure, Junmyeon comes and bothers him frequently, pulling from his free time and discussing the team details and negotiations, but it’s not like he’s doing it unkindly. He’s just a bit…

“I don’t really see it,” Sehun says, cutting into his dinner. “Maybe a bit cold at times, but it’s nothing to really get upset about. We’re supposed to be working together for the teams after all. We’re doing the ski sale next weekend, and so far I’m still in one piece and still have my wits about me.” He smiles, sitting back and shrugging off the soft tugs of discomfort under his skin as the table stares at him. “I don’t see what the big deal is about him.”

“He must like you,” Baekhyun says, leaning across the table. “You’re lucky.”

“Who wouldn’t like Sehun though?” Jia coos across the table.

It echoes in Sehun’s head, lingering at the back of his thoughts as he slips in and out of conversation, learning more about the other teachers and listening to them all unwind after a long week. It’s nice, to just sit and socialize with them, discovering the people under the educators, hearing their stories and their lives. It leaves him smiling, feeling more relaxed and comfortable around them, enough to open up a little about himself, explaining a few of his other hobbies outside of ‘Nordic skiing’ and ‘Literature’, which were obvious (apparently). 

By the end of the night, he’s exhausted, still worn out from the long week just as well as the other teachers, but Sehun is humming with energy from the conversation, a smile lingering as he walks into the cold air. Yet even then, at the back of his mind, the line of _who wouldn’t like Sehun?_ flickers with that faint curious confusion that tickles against him every time he thinks about the Alpine coach and Junmyeon’s politely pleasant and guarded smile.

While Baekhyun may have smiled and looked reassuring as he’d told Sehun encouragement about the other coach, there’s still that faint lingering confusion when it comes to Junmyeon. 

“You’re home late,” Chanyeol comments when Sehun steps into the apartment. Jongin is asleep, sprawled on top of Chanyeol on the couch as a movie plays on the television on low volume.

“Teacher’s dinner,” Sehun explains quietly, sitting down in the armchair nearest Chanyeol. “Making friends, being social, trading gossip, you know, the usual.”

“Sounds like fun,” Chanyeol says, his smile sleepy and warm as his fingers brush absently through Jongin’s hair, combing it in soothing patterns.

It’s been ages since Sehun had anyone do that to him, and he swallows, pushing the thought away and blaming it on the second drink Baekhyun had bought him. It’s not the time, and it’s not the place to think about that sort of thing.

With everything else Sehun has going on this year, he doesn’t have time to think about things like that.

❉

Today is probably one of the first really nice days that the fall has seen as it slowly transitions in the bitter of winter. The sky is mostly clear, welcoming people out of their homes and into the bitter almost winter air that has people scurrying back inside for scarves and hats. The dawn had broken with another thick layer of frost on the ground, casting everything in a sort of crisp stillness before the sun had risen and burned it away.

The good thing about the weather is that while people are tempted to go out in it, they don’t seem to want to stay out. It’s perfect weather really, and Sehun is still thrumming with the energy from his extremely brisk run that morning around the neighborhood. He’d woken up early, with Jongin and Chanyeol as they got ready to head out that morning to head upstate to visit with Chanyeol’s family.

At first, they’d tried to get him to go along, using Chanyeol’s nephew (who has it in his head that Sehun is some sort of superhero) as an excuse to get him to come along. Of course, it had been tempting to say yes and go, but Sehun has other things to do. Like watch over his entire team as they run around the cafeteria and in between racks of skis, poles, snowboards, helmets, and about every other kind of ski equipment imaginable.

Sunyoung had apologized again for not being able to come the day before, packing up the equipment room with Sehun and staying a bit late. Sehun had waved her off, assuring her that he could handle the team. How hard could it be.

“Put it down,” Sehun tells Sooyoung pointedly as she tries to balance a ski boot on her head for Yerim.

“But-“

“If you break it, you buy it, and those are four hundred dollars,” Sehun tells her evenly. It earns him a pout from Sooyoung as she puts the boot back down, but her smile is soon to return as Yerim pulls her back to the bake sale table.

In the end, Sehun’s idea of using the cafeteria had been somewhat of a brilliant one. They have a huge turn out, not only in equipment and materials to sell, but also in customers. Junmyeon has been at the opening doors to the cafeteria almost the whole morning, seated with either the alpine team captain or Juhyun, his assistant coach. When he’s not helping people buy their items, he’s out and talking with them, laughing and chatting easily, looking completely relaxed as he visits with families and other members of the community.

Not that Sehun has spent a significant time watching him. It’s more of the rare moments he gets a glimpse of Junmyeon between helping customers himself, giving advice, and walking what feels like laps around the cafeteria as he keeps a watchful eye on the team. Most of his team have taken up residence near the kitchens where they’d set up the bake sale.

Another of Sehun’s ideas that had been a great success had been the bake sale. Families and other students dropping by have decimated the initial offerings that the team brought in. Even the contributions from the Alpine team of breakfast foods had been gone (and a few people had even happily grabbed the assortment of fruit Yoongi had actually brought in).

Of course, whether they’re really making a dent or it’s partially because the team keeps sneaking cookies and snacks when he’s got his back turned, Sehun isn’t entirely sure. The last time Sehun sat down, it was mid morning and when Minseok had shown up and pushed a freshly made cup of coffee into his hands with a smile.

“I thought you’d probably need it,” Minseok tells him with a grin, glancing over to the gaggle of kids all standing by the bake sale table. “Any good stuff to look at?”

“Depends on what you’re in the market for,” Sehun says, taking a grateful sip of coffee. They’d actually had a surprising amount of quality ski gear come in. From surplus boots and poles and boards to the overflow from the local sports shop that had dumped hats, gloves, scarves, and other warm clothing on them to sell.

Sehun has a sneaking suspicion that Junmyeon, with all his charming smiles up front and strangely imposing countenance, had pulled some strings.

“New boots, actually,” Minseok says, looking around. “My old bindings finally gave and I think it’s finally time to get a new set of gear before we get snow.”

“Go talk to Junmyeon,” Sehun says, nodding in the direction of the alpine coach. “He’ll cover you.”

“Not you?” Minseok asks, eyebrows raising.

“I have to go tell my team to stop sneaking cookies,” Sehun says, and smiles at Minseok’s understanding laugh.

Walking over to the table, Sehun stays mostly out of the team’s notice until he’s right by the table, watching as Taehyung’s fingers itch towards the plate of cookies none too subtly. “You lick it, you pay for it,” Sehun warns, and half the team jumps.

Immediately, Taehyung flinches back, his eyes widen, guilty with being caught as he smiles and shrinks into himself. “I promise I haven’t licked any of them,” Taehyung says.

“How many have you eaten?” Sehun asks, catching sight of the smear of chocolate near the corner of Taehyung’s mouth. Still grinning guiltily and now giggling slightly, Taehyung slowly holds up three fingers before yelping and darting off into the cafeteria.

“I tried to stop him,” Jimin says, walking up and looking as sincere as he possibly can with a hoodie three sizes too big on him. 

For some reason, and Sehun isn’t really sure why, the whole team seems to have decided on specific attire for the sale: sweatshirts and beanies. Even the girls are wearing the same, and all of them spend any time they’re not selling baked goods or loitering around the sale sneaking up behind each other and yanking their hoods over each other’s unsuspecting heads.

“No you didn’t,” Hoseok laughs, walking up and swiping a cookie. He smiles at Sehun as he very pointedly shoves a dollar into the cash jar. “You kept goading him into doing it.”

“The only goading we’ll have on this team is during races. Then you can goad each other up the hills and along the courses as much as you want,” Sehun tells his team flatly, and Jimin has the decency to look sheepish. “How are we doing? Have we actually made any profit or is that dollar from Hoseok the first sale we’ve made all day.”

Seulgi laughs, sitting back in one of the few chairs behind the bake sale table and tapping her fingers on the cash box they’re using for the day. “No, we’ve been doing pretty well. Mostly everyone pays-“

“Except Jeongguk,” Yugyeom pipes up, and lets out a whimper when Jeongguk turns to him with wide eyes and shoves him.

“-but we’ve been doing pretty well!” Seulgi finishes, glancing over at Jeongguk. “And whatever Jeongguk didn’t pay, he’s been begging Namjoon to pay for him whenever he gets the chance to come over.”

“Well, as long as someone is paying for Jeongguk’s appetite,” Sehun says, glancing over at where the Alpine team captain, Namjoon, is sitting beside Juhyun at the sale’s table. 

It’s a little strange seeing them all together, watching as the Alpine kids wander around and nose their way into the Nordic team. Sehun recognizes most of them, he just hadn’t realized how many from his team were members of both.

“It’s actually been really helpful,” Moonbyul adds, smiling as she taps against one of the large water containers that Ryeowook had lent them. There are three of them, one which had had hot cider, another coffee, and a third hot water for cocoa. “The drinks the Alpine brought were actually a great idea. People really seemed to like the cider. You should mention that to Mr. Kim. It was his idea.”

Sehun smiles, stepping back and pushing down the want to say, _ours, actually_ , and nods. “I’ll make sure to tell him. I was hoping to actually bring over a few cookies to the sales table to say thanks for their hard work this morning.” There are still a few plates of cookies and brownies and other confections on the table, and Sehun’s attention catches on a nice plate of chocolate chip cookies near the front. 

“Sure!” Yerim says, smiling and handing him a napkin. “As long as you pay for it.”

“Do you think we’ll make our goal?” Sehun asks, plucking up a few chocolate chip cookies before he digs into his pocket for cash. He clicks his tongue, frowning a bit as Hoseok reaches for another cookie. “I mean, before Jeongguk and Hoseok eat all our merchandise.”

“I’ve only had two!” Hoseok tells him with a mouth full of cookie. “Kookie has had-“ he swallows “-I dunno, way more than just two.”

“Yeah, but your two are two that we can’t sell now,” Seulgi grumbles, leaning back in her folding chair and crossing her arms, frowning at Hoseok.

“You can sell me then,” Hoseok says, grinning wide and Seulgi immediately pulls a face.

“How much?” Taehyung asks, and for a moment he looks serious, Hoseok’s face falling in shock and showing half eaten cookie. Then Hoseok is snorting into laughter, the team following, and finally Taehyung joins in, deep voice rumbling in a giggle.

“We can have an auction for team members at the end of the day,” Sehun tells the team, stepping back after casting a look at Jeongguk, whose fingers edge towards the brownies. “If we’re still below our goal, then we can start selling people.”

“Really?” Jeongguk asks, suddenly jerking to pay attention as the team chokes on their laughter.

“No, you idiot, he’s not being serious,” Sooyoung says, but then glances at Sehun. “Right?”

“I’m always serious,” Sehun says as casually as he can, watching as even Yoongi sits up to frown at him. Nodding to Seokjin, he steps back, tapping a finger on the table. “I’m putting Seokjin in charge until I get back.”

“No one listens to him,” Seulgi points out with a small frown.

“So I’ll know who gets to run extra laps on Monday when I check in,” Sehun says with a grin, and steps back. He stifles a laugh as he hears Jeongguk say, none too loudly, “wait, _is_ he really serious?!” before he walks in the direction of the ski sale table.

While the Nordic team has mostly been hanging out by the bake sale table, the Alpine team has been much more scattered. The members of both, like Jaebum, Jackson, Mark, and Hyeri have been stopping by the bake sale table, but they don’t linger like Hoseok and Yoongi do. 

The Alpine team overall seems a bit more focused, casting Sehun furtive glances and looking slightly more self-conscious. For every glance they cast in his direction, they cast two in the direction of Junmyeon, and they’re a bit quieter. Well, most of them. Kunpimook is just as loud, if not louder, when he discovers most of his friends on the Nordic team. Sehun hadn’t realized his energy levels could rise any higher than they did when they’d played Jeopardy last month to review for an exam.

It’s a definite contrast though, and Sehun can see most of them, especially the older team members like Jaebum and Namjoon, taking a lot of their direction from Junmyeon himself. Either that, or Namjoon is just really absorbed in the chemistry homework he’s doing under the sale’s table when he thinks people aren’t around him.

“When’s it due?” Sehun asks, stepping up and slipping into the chair beside the Alpine team captain. Namjoon is probably one of the most confusing students Sehun has seen, because he clearly takes a lot of pride in his appearance (perfectly styled hair under a careful beanie), but he dresses like he was just rolled through a thrift shop on a bad day.

Sehun had caught Seokjin and Yoongi earlier calling him the ‘fashion icon’ of the Alpine team, and then realized they were teasing when Jinyoung had snorted his mulled cider down his front.

Now, Namjoon jerks up, startling and looking scared for a brief moment. Then he seems to recognize Sehun, and lets out a heavy sigh of definite relief. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Yes, it me. I have arrived,” Sehun says, and smiles as Namjoon blows out a long heavy puff of air. “Tough morning? Or just tough assignment.”

“It’s not that bad,” Namjoon admits, and closes the text book (physics, Sehun was wrong) in his lap, keeping a finger stuck in between the pages to mark his spot. “It’s just try to get all my homework done before the weekend, and Mr. Lu just assigned this yesterday.” 

“Do you need me to put in a good word for you with him?” Sehun asks, and Namjoon lets out a soft laugh as he looks back up at him.

From everything Sehun has seen from the Alpine captain, he’s almost as composed and driven as Jaebum appears to be. He also acts older than a Junior typically does (also like Jaebum) and it’s kind of nice to see him relax after looking stiff all morning. “I’m alright,” Namjoon says, and glances over the sale. “It’s not so bad. I’ll get to it later. I just wanted something to do while I was here.”

“Take a break,” Sehun tells him nodding in the direction of the bake sale and the other team members. He’s not dumb, and he’s seen the kids who have been stuck behind the sales table looking at their friends wistfully all morning. “I’ll cover for you.”

“You sure?” Namjoon asks, even as he puts his text book back into his bag.

“I need to talk with Junmyeon anyway,” Sehun explains, sitting back with a smile. “You know, make sure he’s healthy, check his vital signs, the typical friendly hello.” The look on Namjoon’s face suggests that he’s not sure if he should laugh or not, and Sehun smiles at him kindly and says, “you can laugh, it was a joke.”

Namjoon doesn’t laugh, but he does smile a bit more as he stands up, and thankfully grabs one of the cookies Sehun offers him silently as he passes.

“Trying to steal my skiers?” has Sehun turning, watching as Junmyeon walks up with Minseok behind him, holding a pair of new ski boots and poles.

“I’ve had my eye on Namjoon for a while,” Sehun sighs, standing up and dusting off his hands to move to the cash box. “I promise I’ll give him back when we’re done with him.”

“How did you get him to leave?” Junmyeon asks, placing Minseok’s boots on the table.

“Food,” Sehun admits. “I’ve noticed him casting furtive looks to the bake sale all morning. He sold his seat to me for a cookie.”

“Smart kid,” Minseok says, and grins even as Junmyeon’s mouth thins into a vague smile.

“Did you find what you wanted to find?” Sehun asks Minseok, turning away from the slightly frozen smile Junmyeon is giving him.

“I did,” Minseok says, nodding. “And then some. Junmyeon was very helpful, thank you for directing me to him.” He hands over the cash for his new gear. “Are you picking up anything today?”

“Not sure,” Sehun admits, looking back at Minseok and knowing what he’s getting at. He can feel Junmyeon’s eyes on him, spidering up his skin from where the collar of his shirt presses. “I’m still not sure if I want to spring for new equipment when I’m still not sure I can pay.”

“I can figure something out,” Minseok tells him. “And you really should find something to replace those old Rossis (6). They got _trashed_ last year, there’s no way I’m trusting you on anything on those again.”

“Those are good skis,” Sehun defends, thinking back to his favorite pair of skis that he’s had for, well, since Minseok dragged him out skiing for the first time. “They’ve never led me wrong.”

“Except when the binding actually came _off_ last year when we were on ‘Heart Attack’,” Minseok reminds.

“Once,” Sehun says, and leans back. Slipping his hands into his pockets, he swallows and shakes his head. He can see Junmyeon watching him with a small frown on his face, his eyes sharp in Sehun’s peripheral vision as Minseok gathers up his gear. “Maybe I’ll rent this year, we’ll see. I’ll keep you posted.”

“Please do,” Minseok tells him with a pointed look before walking off.

“We’re doing well,” Sehun says, looking down into the cash box, not bothering to meet Junmyeon’s stare across the table. “At this rate, we’ll not have to worry about breaking even over finances and budget this year.”

“If we’re lucky,” Junmyeon adds, and shifts to slip behind the table and take the open seat beside Sehun. Across the table and among the racks of equipment, Juhyun is working with a few patrons. “I didn't expect to have you with me today,” Junmyeon adds, turning to him with a smile that isn’t cold, but it’s not welcoming either. 

Sehun has never really thought that smiles could be anything but nice. The way Junmyeon smiles sometimes, it’s more like a warning, and Sehun has discovered that people can indeed be somewhat frigid when they smile at him.

“I can leave,” Sehun says. “If you’d rather.” _I can get frostbite outside if you’d rather reserve your talents_ , he almost says but bites it down, pushing it back into his throat. It’s hard, with Junmyeon, how Sehun feels like he can’t just talk.

“No, it’s-“ Junmyeon frowns a little, forehead creasing. It’s almost like he doesn’t realize it, the sudden flicker in his eyes like he’s unsure himself. “You can stay,” Junmyeon tells Sehun. By the tone of his voice, it sounds more like a command than a kind gesture, and Sehun is almost tempted to refuse. “I haven’t seen much of you all morning.”

“That’s not surprising,” Sehun admits, trying to sit back and feel comfortable with Junmyeon still staring at him like this. “I haven’t really sat down all day.”

“I know,” Junmyeon says, and when Sehun turns to look at him, a faint smile plays about his lips. “I’ve had a great view of you all morning from here.”

It’s strange. Sehun can’t exactly put his finger on it, but there’s a weird part of how Junmyeon acts. It’s hard for Sehun to put together the figure that Kyungsoo paints as a warm friend who can be occasionally awkward and halting with the cold and word careful man beside Sehun now. The man that Kyungsoo and Jongdae talk about is not the man next to Sehun right now, the man that has his team casting nervous glances and that drove the old Nordic coach up a wall (according to Sunyoung at least).

Then there’s moments like this that happen far and in between where Sehun isn’t really sure what Junmyeon is saying, or why he’s saying it, and it throws him a little.

“Have you?” Sehun says, not sure really how to answer Junmyeon when he’s staring at him in what feels uncomfortably like assessment. It’s not an unkind assessment, but still, it makes Sehun itch. “I didn’t know if you had a chance to get a break yet. You’ve looked busy all day, and haven’t dropped by the bake sale.”

“That was a good idea,” Junmyeon tells him.

“Looking busy?”

Junmyeon suddenly laughs, and it breaks away some of the composure enough that Sehun can let out his breaths easier. “No, the bake sale,” Junmyeon explains. “Having this in the cafeteria as well. Both good ideas”

“You’re welcome,” Sehun says, a smile spreading over his face as he feels a soft pleased warmth spread in through his chest. Without letting Junmyeon continue, he pushes the napkin of chocolate chip cookies towards the other man, still smiling. “And, you’re welcome.”

It’s a little strange to see the smile suddenly shift, Junmyeon’s eyes flickering as he notices the cookies. “You remembered,” he says, and though it’s phrased exactly like a statement, just acknowledging Sehun, there’s a soft note that sounds like he’s not sure.

Like Junmyeon never expected Sehun to actually be listening to him when he’d said he liked chocolate chip cookies from scratch.

“I don’t know if they’re from scratch,” Sehun admits, sitting back into his chair, and tucking his hands into his sweatshirt front pockets. He hadn’t realized the team had decided on the ‘dress code’ when he’d come in that morning, just grabbing a uni sweatshirt after a quick shower. “But we can pretend they are.”

Junmyeon, unlike Sehun, clearly had missed the memo from the kids, or had chosen explicitly not to follow the dress code. Instead, Junmyeon is wearing a warm looking navy sweater over a collared shirt. It’s not that different from how he looks at school, and even if this isn’t school, it still feels like Sehun’s at work as they sit together.

But the smile on his face is so different from work, the edge of cover gone as he looks up and takes a cookie. “Thank you,” he says, curling that soft warm pleased sensation into Sehun’s chest again. “Are you going to have any?”

“I figure Hoseok has had my share of the cookies by now. I’m all set,” Sehun says, and Junmyeon lets out a gentle chuckle. “Though I may end up getting a hot chocolate when Sunwoo and Mark get back from picking up more supplies.”

“They should be back soon,” Junmyeon muses, biting into the cookie. He hums, chewing slowly in small bites. It’s makes him look oddly dainty. “Not from scratch, but it’ll pass.”

“I am relieved,” Sehun tells him, and smiles when Junmyeon glances at him.

“So,” Junmyeon says, turning to Sehun fully. “Why do you need new Rossis?”

“What?”

“Your friend,” Junmyeon continues. “Was most definitely not talking about skiing cross country.”

“Oh,” Sehun says, feeling nervousness climb into his fingers, making them twitch together in his sweatshirt pocket, tapping against his stomach. “Yeah, no, he was talking downhill. We’ve been friends for a while.”

“You ski downhill?”

“I ski everything,” Sehun hedges, and tries to grin away the twisting of his fingers. “But yeah, he got me into skiing downhill a few years back. I’ll never be on his level though.”

“Which is?”

“Olympic qualifier,” Sehun says, and that faint feeling of pride he’d had when Minseok had come back with the news almost ten years ago is still in him, burning bright. “He never did go though. Ended up deciding to go to school instead of ski for a living and now…”

“Now?”

“Now he just drags me out every year and tells me skiing isn’t skiing without the suspense of a chair lift,” Sehun says, and smiles as Junmyeon laughs. “I’m still trying to get him to ski Nordic with me, if anything just to prove to him you can get some good speed on hills without having your feet strapped down.”

“It’s not the same though,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun looks up, watching as the lines that had been so stiff have melted. He’s listening, watching Sehun without the same guarded action. _We have something in common now,_ whispers in Sehun’s mind. 

“Of course not,” Sehun says, and continues without thought. “Nordic is infinitely better.” Junmyeon’s smile snaps back, dousing back to cold. “At least in my opinion. Which I’m allowed to have, just like you. Just like any human is allowed their own opinion. I just prefer Nordic.”

“Why?” Junmyeon asks, and though he still looks like he disagrees with Sehun, it’s less dismissive.

“For one,” Sehun says, poking at one of the remaining cookies. “I don’t run the risk of cracking my skull open if I fall while taking a run. You don’t have that same security with Alpine, yeah?” Sehun pokes at the cookie again, waiting in the silence. “Right?”

Looking over when Junmyeon still doesn't answer him, Sehun falters, catching a look that he’s sure he’s not supposed to see on Junmyeon’s face. The closed look of polite distance is gone, and instead he’s caught off guard, eyes flickering and Sehun can see him trying to figure out what to say, features pinched.

“I’m sorry,” Sehun says quickly. 

Though not sure why, Sehun doesn’t want to know. Suddenly it feels far too close, too intimate to know something like this (whatever ‘this’ is) about Junmyeon, to watch his face shift like that, as if Sehun had just punched him and Junmyeon is struggling to figure out where he hurts.

“It’s-“

“I like poetry,” Sehun blusters on, the words leaving him in a fast breath. Junmyeon’s face shadows in confusion. It’s easier this way though, to open up first, and maybe Junmyeon will do so later. When it’s okay. “I honestly would love to take on a full Shakespeare unit for classes to teach it and get into the history and subject material, but know that Kyungsoo wouldn’t like it if I took his content material away.”

It takes Junmyeon a moment, but then he chuckles, shoulders releasing some of their tension. “I’m pretty sure Kyungsoo would be furious if you actually did that,” Junmyeon says. “He had to advocate for ages to get control of that unit and have his own drama class. Almost two years.”

“Don’t tell him about my aspirations,” Sehun says, letting a small smile tease at his mouth. In truth, Kyungsoo already knows. It had been how they’d ended up getting closer, talking about the great poet when they’d first met. “I don’t want him to feel threatened by the new meat at the school. He already has enough pressure with being the same height as his students.”

“That doesn’t add pressure,” Junmyeon says shortly. Sehun flushes slightly, realizing that Junmyeon, despite his intimidating aura, is just about the same size as Kyungsoo. It’s hard to think of him along those lines though, considering Junmyeon isn’t at all like how Kyungsoo is. They feel so different.

It’s how they hold themselves.

“It does for Kyungsoo,” Sehun says.

“That’s because Kyungsoo lets his students walk over him too easily,” Junmyeon says, and chuckles softly. “He’s too soft.”

“I don’t see anything wrong with being a little soft with students,” Sehun says, feeling a small nudge in his chest.

“There isn’t,” Junmyeon hums. “But they need structure. They need to know what the rules are, and what they can and cannot do. You have no idea if their home life has any structure or not, and no matter how many times you meet with their parents, you can’t make sure they’re doing their job. You can only do your job and give them enough structure and support and guidelines in school to understand what they need.”

“Too much structure can be suffocating though,” Sehun says.

“If it’s not done right,” Junmyeon concedes. “Take your team for example.” He nods towards the bake sale table. “Earlier, did they have any consequences for eating cookies and brownies?”

“Seulgi offered to slap them for me,” Sehun answers, and at least is rewarded with a smile from Junmyeon.

“Of course she did,” he says, and his eyes soften as he looks at the junior captain of the girl’s team. It had been surprising to Sehun when he’d found out that there were technically two captains for the team, one for the boys and one for the girls. It works out though, and he can see how well Seulgi and Jaebum coordinate together, their captain chemistry balancing out. “But they still ate cookies. Now, they’re not. I haven’t seen Jeongguk go near a plate since you came over.”

“I told them they’d run laps if they did,” Sehun remembers aloud. He chooses to leave out the part where he may have suggested that the team members will be ‘auctioned’ if they don’t raise enough funds, figuring Junmyeon _definitely_ wouldn’t like that one. Or find it funny.

“See my point?” Junmyeon says, and has a pleased sort of smile on his face when Sehun turns to him.

“Do you ever stop?” Sehun asks before he can stop himself.

“Stop what?”

“Teaching,” Sehun explains. That’s what this feels like. Sehun is a teacher, he has been certified as one for years now, and has been working as one full time since September, yet it feels like Junmyeon treats him like a student.

Perhaps that’s why Sehun feels so odd around him, almost intimidated and wanting to understand, to figure out whatever subject it is Junmyeon is teaching him with the strangest hands off approach.

Now, Junmyeon laughs, sitting back with his eyes crinkling up as he grins with a full smile. The first real smile Sehun has ever seen on his face. It makes him look younger, brighter, happier. “No,” Junmyeon says, and his eyes dance in the lights of the gym. “Do we, as teachers, ever stop teaching?”

“No,” Sehun agrees, and smiles himself. It’s true, that once he started teaching, he’d just started doing it everywhere. It drove Chanyeol and Jongin nuts, especially in the beginning, when Sehun just _couldn’t_ stop. “Is that why you’re doing this?”

“What?”

“Coaching,” Sehun clarifies, and watches as Junmyeon’s smile turns thoughtful.

“That’s a little more complicated,” he says, and looks out over the sale, his eyes lingering on the bake sale table. “I just got into it when the old coach was retiring, and it made sense, especially after-“ Sehun waits, watching him patiently for him to continue, but Junmyeon lets out a soft sigh, lowering his gaze with a distant look in his eyes. “They don’t know their own potential unless you push them to reach it.”

“Is that why you’re such a hard ass?” Sehun asks, and Junmyeon’s eyes widen as he turns to him. “It’s a compliment,” Sehun fumbles, feeling his cheeks heat.

“I took it as one,” Junmyeon says. Despite how the comment itself is in and of itself distancing, the smile he gives Sehun as he takes another small bite of cookie is the warmest one Sehun has ever had from him.

✦

_The sun is shining bright. The air is crisp and cool. The spandex uniform that’s practically vacuum sealed over Sehun’s under armor is vibrant in the school colors and designs. The people along the starting area are all cheering loudly and ringing cowbells enthusiastically. The trees are all barren of leaves and puffs of air rise from everyone in little clouds of white and Sehun is definitely going to throw up._

_“I can’t do this,” Sehun stammers, feeling his heart beating too fast as his stomach rolls over into another somersault, staring at the other racers all lining up. “No, I definitely cannot do this.”_

_“Sure you can!” Jinri says, breathless and nose pink, a soft white hat pulled down over her hair and covering her ears. “It’s just like practice! Except there’s a lot more people. And you’re timed. And in spandex.”_

_“Yeah, that’s the problem,” Sehun whimpers, staring and trying to flex his fingers against the cold._

_“It shouldn’t be,” Jinri snorts. “Your ass looks great in spandex.” She grins, teeth flashing as Sehun turns to her and frowns to show how her compliment, though nice, is not what he needs right now._

_“I’ll throw up on you first,” Sehun tells her._

_“No throwing up until the end of the race,” cuts in a warm familiar voice that makes Sehun’s stomach upgrade from somersaults into full fledge backflips. Oh no. The familiar weight of a strong arm slips around his shoulder, tugging him roughly to Minho’s side as the captain grins at him. “There’s no point in it if you haven’t earned the upchuck.”_

_“Gross,” Jinri whines, scrunching up her nose at Minho._

_“Just saying, that’s how it works,” Minho shrugs, and tightens his grip around Sehun. “You’ll be fine.”_

_“I can’t do this,” Sehun repeats, feeling his heart pound. He’d been so excited, all week looking forward to this since Coach had said he was going to have his first race this weekend. He’d been so happy about it._

_Now, Sehun just feels scared, the overwhelming sound of the bystanders and the coaches and the other racers and the cold that bites against his skin even if he feels too hot. The heat flares higher, creeping into his face, as Minho leans closer and wraps his arms around him in a bear hug, growling as he shakes Sehun’s slightly._

_“Don’t do that!” Sehun squeaks, wiggling slightly. He’s still in his skis, poles being held by Chanyeol up near the start, and definitely feeling like his stomach is full of jittery bugs. “Oh! Oh please put me down, stop.”_

_“Hey,” Minho says, stopping and releasing Sehun so he wobbles, stumbling back a bit and feeling his face burn, breaths too short. There’s barely a moment for Sehun to breathe, to try to gasp for breath and catch his balance, before Minho’s strong arms are wrapping around his biceps, holding him steady._

_Firm._

_“Sehun.” Minho’s eyes are a deep, dark brown. They seem to move, the color shifting and melting into itself as he looks into Sehun’s eyes and smiles, flooding Sehun’s senses with the feeling of reassurance. “You’re going to be fine. It’s just the start that’s the scary part, and then it’s just you and the trail.”_

_“I-“ Sehun’s words choke in his throat, caught in Minho’s stare as he shivers slightly. It’s not from the cold, and his breath catches._

_“You_ can _do this,” Minho tells him, and the smile he gives Sehun is brighter than the sun reflecting on the snow around them. “I know you can. And if you feel like you’re losing it, remember, you_ can’t _lose this race. If you finish, you’ve won! Because you made it.”_

_Sehun can feel his heart beating, too fast, the loud shouts and cheers echoing behind them and Minho’s hands hot around his arms. He can hear the rest of the team, the girls, all shouting for Taemin as he starts, their laughter and screams tugging at him as he tries to remember how to swallow and feels his stomach flutter again._

_“Okay,” Sehun says, not sure why he says it, but it rushes out of him with a breath. Then it’s pushed back into him, a gasp as Minho pulls him into a rough hug, hand ruffling into his hair and Sehun’s heart throbs as his stomach flutters and his face burns._

_“Okay,” he stutters again, and doesn’t feel like he’s going to throw up. Well, he does, but it’s not the same. He’s still scared, shaking and feeling like his legs are going to give out under him as he clicks into his bindings, hands grasping his poles, and feeling so alone as he lines up in the cue to start._

_“Not okay,” Sehun whimpers, and shakes his head when the skier in front of him turns around to give him a strange look. “Not you. I’m talking about myself. I’m allowed to talk to myself.”_

_Chanyeol is just three racers ahead of him, grinning widely and looking determined, excited and bouncing on his skis as he gets lines up against the start gate._

_“Sehun!”_

_It’s with a jump that Sehun turns, heart pounding up into his throat as he finally catches sight of Minho just stepping into the start line. It doesn’t matter how many times Sehun has seen him change on the bus, how many times they’ve run laps around the track, how many times Sehun has kept his eyes low, they linger now at Minho’s lithe figure in the horrible spandex uniforms they have to wear._

_Sehun falters, realizing he’s supposed to be waving back to Minho’s waving hand._

_“You okay?”_

_“No,” Sehun calls back, and it feels easier to finally say it. It feels better when Minho laughs. Better and worse._

_“You’ll be okay!” Minho calls. “I'll come and check on you in a bit. Don’t think about the race, just ski and remember to use your poles!”_

_Sehun doesn’t get a chance to reply, his words already caught in the stick of tension at the back of his throat. He fumbles when he tries to ski up to the start gate, breaths already coming too fast and the noise all just white static in his ears as the moderator looks up at him and his mouth moves with muffled sound._

_“Forty seven!”_

_Sehun has no idea what number he is, he’s just here and wearing a bib and has to race and is probably terrified he just can’t tell because there’s no time when the second needle of the clock just in front of him is swinging too fast and-_

_The sound of a beep pierces through Sehun, and he pushes off with his poles as hard as he can, trying to shoot out of the start gate as fast as he can. It’s too much, he realizes with a loud yelp, overextending and nearly pitching face first into the track, and just barely catching himself._

_If people are laughing, Sehun can’t really hear it in the roaring in his ears as everything burns too hot. It’s impossible to think straight, to do anything but try to keep his limbs from shaking as he sways back upright, plants his poles, and pushes._

_Right onto his left ski. It wobbles, but Sehun’s heart is beating too fast, the words_ go, go, Go, _too loud with every throb in his chest to stop. He poles, swinging back onto his wobbly left leg, and the glide takes him farther, faster. Again. pole, swing, pole, swing, glide, faster and faster, as Sehun’s shaking breaths begin to form a rhythm and it isn’t until he’s beginning to feel the burn in his legs, the pounding in his ears as his heart picks up that he realizes the rushing in his ears is just from the sound of his skis over the snow._

_“I can do this,” he says, mind numb as he pushes through another rotation, the shaking in his limbs abated as his mind wipes clean, focusing and pushing. “I can do this!”_

_“You got this!” call from up ahead, and Sehun nearly stumbles on the trail as he catches sight of a group of spectators lining the trail, all shouting him on. “Come on! Get up that hill! You got this, kid! You’re doing great!”_

_The tension is back, but it’s easier to push through now he’s moving, rhythm set and flowing through his limbs as he skies, pushing harder up the hill and through the trail. Towards the finish and his first ever time._

_The best time he’ll have until he beats it._

_It sets a fire burning, even as he stumbles a few times, but pulsing with his breath as he skies, trying to remind himself to pace himself._

_“Keep it up!” shouts from behind him, Sehun’s heart pounding in his head as he tries to push up a steep hill. “Come on, Sehun! Climb! Pole on both sides and mountain climb!”_

_Sehun’s foot slips and he yelps, trying to catch himself before he slips back down, heart hammering._

_“It’s okay,” comes Minho’s voice, and Sehun falters as he chances to glance behind, face burning. “You’re doing great. Up that hill, and I’ll see you on the left!”_

_Planting his pole, Sehun pushes up, scrambling even as he skies up the hill to move to the right, making room for Minho to ski past him._

_“Good. Job,” Sehun pants, abs and arms burning as he tries to keep skiing, pausing for a moment as Minho comes up beside him._

_“You can do this, Sehun,” Minho tells him, voice barely caught as he flashes a smile right at Sehun. Then he’s gone, surging up the hill like water and Sehun’s ski slips as his stomach rolls over and his heart pounds too hard against his chest._

_“I can do this,” Sehun repeats, shuddering to climb the hill, feeling excited and nervous and exhausted all at once as he watches Minho crest the hill ahead of him._

❉

There are times, Sehun will admit, when he wishes he’d followed Chanyeol’s career path rather than Kyungsoo’s. Or Minseok’s.

It’s not that Sehun considers it less work, because it isn’t, but it’s less that he brings home with him at the end of the day. Chanyeol sits with young children, helping to teach them and help them develop, little ‘nuggets ‘ (Chanyeol’s term, not Sehun’s) that are ‘too precious for this world’.

Once, Jongin had ventured to call them ‘little cinnamon rolls’ before catching the slightly traumatized look on Chanyeol’s face.

“Children are not food,” Chanyeol had said firmly. At the time, Sehun had been extremely tempted to ask how ‘nuggets’ was any better, but figured Chanyeol would end up having a long winded and elaborate explanation for it that Sehun really didn't want to bother listening to.

Minseok, on the other hand, takes just about where Sehun thinks he might be able to handle things. It had been a very near thing that Sehun had chosen to specialize in the older students, not following Minseok into the fifth grade classroom. He hadn’t, but it had been a very close battle.

Now though, sitting and waiting in the freezing cold outside the school’s parking lot, Sehun wonders if Minseok and Chanyeol have to do this. If they have to be the ones calling up the parents of their students to get them to come pick them up. If they have the same boiling worry in their guts when they find out that their student, a _freshman_ , doesn't know how to get in contact with his parents.

“Can you call their work?” Sehun asks, trying to hold back his shivers as Yibo looks up at him with increasing anxiety.

“I don’t know the number,” Yibo mumbles, tucking his face into his worn scarf as he wraps his arms around himself.

“Can we call the house?” Sehun asks. Chances are, the offices may still be open, and they can get into Yibo’s file to his parent’s contact information. If not, then Sehun can maybe call up the custodian and get him to let them inside.

“No one is there,” Yibo mumbles, and glances timidly up at Sehun. “I’m sorry, Mr. Oh. I didn’t mean to make you stay.”

“It’s fine,” Sehun says, and wants to just reach out and hug the poor kid. Being stranded at school after all the buses have left and his team has gone home with their parents isn’t a fun experience. Its’ the kind of thing Sehun wanted to prevent happening to any students he had, but even now he’s standing here, trying to think of a way to get Yibo home without _actually_ taking him home. “Really, I’m more worried about you getting home.”

“Maybe they’re just late,” Yibo mumbles, and looks, if anything, guilty.

If there is anyone at fault, it’s not Yibo, and Sehun sighs. Sunyoung has left already, and the equipment room has been locked up from practice. Sehun has a stack of papers to grade in his car but he’s not about to leave to go home to the warmth of the house without making sure Yibo gets home.

“Do you know how to get to your house?” Sehun asks, and Yibo turns to him swiftly with his eyes widening.

“What?” Yibo gasps, and then shakes his head, stepping back and waving his hands frantically. “No, no, Mr. Oh. It’s okay. I will wait until my parents come. I am okay.”

“It’s going to be dark in about thirty minutes,” Sehun says gently, and pulls out your phone. When he’d left the equipment room, he’d almost missed Yibo lingering near the edge of the cars, looking out towards the emptying parking lot with a concerned line between his brows. All of the other kids had already gone home at least a half hour before. “And I can’t leave you here without knowing you have someone to come pick you up.”

“I can call my house,” Yibo says quickly, his eyes shining.

“Okay,” Sehun says, and hands him his phone.

While this sort of thing isn’t unheard of, it’s the first time Sehun has ever gone through it. Students sometimes have scheduling conflicts, parents get held back at work, and somehow, every time, the kids feel like the ones that did something wrong. Yibo looks exactly that, chewing on his lip as he waits for someone to pick up at home, shivering slightly.

Turning away, Sehun steps back, giving him a bit of privacy but listening in. A moment later, he realizes it wouldn’t matter if he was listening in, because Yibo is talking suddenly in very fast, very low Chinese and Sehun has no idea what he’s saying. Whatever happens in the conversation though has Yibo looking a bit more relaxed, though no less disappointed when he nods, curling into himself.

“Mr. Oh?” Yibo says, still clutching onto his phone and Sehun nods in his direction. 

“Yes, Yibo?”

“My uncle says my parents can’t come and get me.”

“Can he come and get you?”

“He’s sick,” Yibo says quickly, and his cheeks turn even brighter pink.

“Yibo, can you ask if it’s okay if I take you home?” Sehun asks, as clearly and slowly as he can and Yibo’s eyes widen.

“Oh no, you-“ Yibo falters as his uncle starts talking on the other end of the line, and then in stammering tones answers him. Sniffing, Yibo turns back, and gives a tiny nod. “He says it’s okay.”

“Okay,” Sehun says gently, and only a little of the tension lets go from the unease winding in his gut. He smiles when Yibo hands back the phone, and says, “I’m going to call someone, just to make sure it’s okay.” Yibo only nods, and Sehun takes a deep breath of cold air as he dials Junmyeon’s number.

_“Hello?”_

“Junmyeon,” Sehun breathes out in relief. “I’m glad I caught you. Is practice over?”

 _“I wouldn’t be answering my phone if it wasn’t,”_ is the curt reply. _“Is this Sehun?”_

“It makes me sad to know that you don’t have my number saved in your phone,” Sehun says, pushing down the anxiety as he lets himself ramble. “I’m hurt.”

 _“Why are you calling me?”_ Junmyeon definitely doesn’t sound amused.

“I have a student who needs a ride home,” Sehun explains, and feels the warning twinge grow in his chest. “His parents can’t come and pick him up and everyone else has left. And you know the policy about teachers taking students home.”

 _Never be alone with a student_ is the actual policy, but from the way Yibo already looks nervous enough, Sehun doesn’t want to say it aloud. It’s not about how Sehun’s intentions are good, but about safety overall. Of the student, himself, and everyone.

 _“Oh,”_ Junmyeon says, the irritation gone from his voice. _“Are you at the school?”_

“Athletic field.”

 _“I’ll be right over,”_ Junmyeon says, and Sehun sighs as he lowers the phone.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Oh,” Yibo mumbles, looking even colder as the wind whips up and Sehun flinches.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Sehun tells him, smiling as widely and warmly as he can. “Junmyeon is just going to come over and help me get you home in one piece.”

“He is?”

“I have to talk to him anyway, so it’s not a problem,” Sehun says, tucking his hands deeper into his jacket pockets. While Sehun doesn’t really need to talk to Junmyeon, at all, that’s not something he’s going to tell Yibo.

Truthfully, now he looks back on it, he’s not even sure why he called Junmyeon in the first place. Kyungsoo might still be at the school, doing stuff with the drama kids for the _One Acts_ or Yixing here to work with some of the music staff. Fei might be just getting off of swim team practice, and yet Sehun had called Junmyeon.

Thinking about it now, Sehun isn't quite sure what to make of his actions, aside from that he just reacted.

Junmyeon is the other ski coach Sehun knows will be finishing practice right around now, he’s been working with Junmyeon with the teams, and he trusts Junmyeon.

That’s probably the biggest reason. He trusts Junmyeon to be there.

While Junmyeon may not be the warmest or most comforting person Sehun has ever met, he does have a stability about him, the kind of vibe that means he can be trusted. It shows strongest when he’s in the school, and just about as strong when he’s coaching. Similar to how a leader is just trusted even if you hate their ideas.

Of course, whether Junmyeon is the same outside of work and coaching, Sehun has no idea.

Yet he’s there, driving up in a sedan barely ten minutes after Sehun hung up with him, and with the kindest and most sincere smile Sehun has ever seen on his face. “I heard you needed a ride home,” Junmyeon calls to Yibo after his window has rolled down. “Can you give me directions to your house while Sehun rides with us?”

It takes a little bit of coaxing, but Yibo finally crawls into the back seat, juggling his athletic bag and his backpack, muttering a soft but sincere thank you to both Sehun and Junmyeon before explaining where his house was.

They don’t talk, not really aside from Sehun asking Yibo a few questions, about classes, about his family, about his hobbies outside of skiing. Yibo is shy at first, but slowly talks a bit more, a few pauses in between words he doesn’t know yet accompanied by a light blush. Junmyeon just drives, the music on his stereo playing softly and only humming in understanding when Yibo gives him directions.

By the time they get to Yibo’s house, it’s almost dusk, and Yibo looks pink with thanks and embarrassment. “Thank you! Mr. Kim! Mr. Oh!”

“Have a good night!” Sehun calls from the car, waving out the window as cold pours into the warm car. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow!”

Junmyeon is watching him when Sehun leans back into the car, and as soon as his back hits the seat, Sehun lets out a long shuddering breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding onto. It feels like all the air gets pulled out of him, and he closes his eyes, just trying to refocus for a moment.

“You okay?”

“Fine,” Sehun says, shaking his head slightly and wetting his lips, trying to calm down the gentle twisting in his stomach from lingering nerves. “I’ll call his mom tomorrow, or have Soojung contact her. This isn’t the first time there’s been issues getting him home and I just –“ he breaks off, letting out another breath and opening his eyes.

It’s one thing to worry about students while in classes with them, teaching and watching over them as they remain in the room. It’s another thing entirely to worry about students after going home, where Sehun finds himself frowning at some of the material in Yibo’s personal reflection papers. 

“Thank you,” Sehun says, swallowing down a throat that feels too dry. “For helping me get him home.”

“I’m glad you called me,” Junmyeon tells him, and it’s different. It’s not the same as the ski sale, or the meetings or being in school. It’s sitting in a car with the heater blasting hot air against Sehun’s chapped hands and still feeling scared about a boy who couldn’t get home and was left alone at school. It’s seeing something in Junmyeon’s face that says he’s been there too, and that he’s not the teacher here and now.

He’s just the same as Sehun, sitting and breathing out a sigh of relief that Yibo made it home instead of struggling for hours wondering if he’d been forgotten.

“Do you need a ride home too?” Junmyeon asks after a pause, and Sehun lets out a surprised laugh.

“Just back to my car,” he explains, and it’s just enough. “Back at the school.”

“Why did you call me?” Junmyeon asks, pulling away from the curb. “You could have called someone else. Sunyoung could have gone with you.”

“She’d already left,” Sehun says. “And she never picks up her phone when she’s driving. Safety purposes.”

“So why me?”

“I thought you said you were glad I called you,” Sehun reminds, and Junmyeon’s mouth presses into another thin line. It’s such a familiar expression on his face, Sehun realizes he’s becoming a bit immune to it. It doesn’t make him feel as cut off as usual, and now he simply sighs, sagging a bit further into the front seat, hands tucked in his jacket pockets. “You could have said no.”

“No, it’s okay,” Junmyeon says. “I meant what I said, I just didn’t think I’d be the person you’d call in this sort of situation.”

“Who did you think I’d call?”

“Kyungsoo,” Junmyeon says honestly, turning on the main road. The music on the stereo downs out as he speeds up, the soft rock getting lost in the sound of the car. “You and he are close. And he usually stays a little late.”

“Junmyeon, it’s past five,” Sehun reminds.

“You still haven’t answered me,” Junmyeon says.

“I don’t know why I called you,” Sehun admits, and looks out the darkened window to avoid looking at Junmyeon. “It just made sense at the time.”

Silence greets him, and Sehun keeps looking out the window, watching as the lights and houses and buildings pass by before Junmyeon turns up the radio. It’s a short trip to the school, and Sehun keeps pressing his lips together before wetting them, trying to think of something to say and every time biting it back.

It’s not right, and Sehun isn’t sure how to say ‘ _I just trusted you to show up_ ’ without wondering how Junmyeon will take it.

“Thanks,” Sehun finally says, stepping out of the car.

“Anytime,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun pauses as he makes to close the door, looking back at Junmyeon. “I mean it, anytime. You can call me.”

“I know,” Sehun says, and smiles in goodbye as he closes the door. As Junmyeon drives off and Sehun is unlocking his car, he realizes that those two words were all the words he had been searching for in the silence of Junmyeon’s car to tell him.

❉

The nice thing about November is that it’s a clean month. It’s the month when everything freezes, the air turns extra crisp, the ground is too hard to track mud in, and all the leaves have been raked off the lawns. The not so nice thing about November is the torrential freezing rains that whip against the windows in the last of the fall storms.

The storm that had loomed over head this morning is literally giving all it has by mid afternoon, shaking against the windows in rolls of thunder and sheets of rain against the sides of the building. Everything looks downright miserable outside, and even as Sehun hopes during lunch that it’ll abate, he knows it’s not worth much. By the time fifth period sets in though, Sehun knows that the ground is already going to be awful, and practice will just be wet soggy cold students covered in mud and probably complaining.

They’d made the announcement that all field and track sports were cancelled at the beginning of class right after lunch.

It’s been a while since Sehun has had the afternoon free. Even then, it’s not technically free, considering Sehun is still supposed to be on the premise and get work done. He’s not like some of the other teachers, who are quick to pack up once done answering student’s questions, and it’s not like there’s anything to go home to specifically.

Chanyeol and Jongin won’t be back for a while, and it’s been a while since he thought about what it used to be like to return to someone.

Even then, it was always a mixed bag of whether Taemin would be friendly when Sehun got through the door, or ignore him completely in favor of… whatever.

With the rain lashing against the windows though, the classroom isn’t any more welcome than the rest of the room, sky dark and making the room the same. It’s much nicer to slip in the school library smiling at Sunny when he sees her by the circulation desk. As long as Sehun has been at the school, he hasn’t really been in the library much. It’s a bit ironic, considering it had been where he always was in school, buried with Jongin in between the stacks of books, Jongin absorbing the books into himself while he and Chanyeol struggled through large volumes.

Somewhere between the stacks and the discovery of contemporary fiction though, Sehun had just sort of fallen in love with the books around him.

It feels nicer though, to walk into the school library and just see the shelves of books that aren’t intimidating and spanning up multiple floors, but just enough for the high school. At the back corner, near the fantasy section, are a variety of chairs laid out, and it’s a nice welcome after the long day to slump into one with his bag and just sit. To let his eyes close.

“Don’t tell me you’re the one stranded today.”

Blinking open his eyes, Sehun looks up to see the smiling face of Junmyeon just a few feet away. His bag is resting the other armchair near Sehun, and he’s got his rain jacket folded over his arm nearly.

“Are you offering to take me home?” Sehun asks, and wets his lips at the amusement on Junmyeon’s face. Pushing himself to sit up, Sehun lets out a soft groan, muscles protesting after being in the classroom all day. “I’m just going to wait a bit,” he says, glancing up to Junmyeon. “See if the rain lets up any before I go out to brave the storm and see if my car was swept away in the floods.”

“So you may need a ride,” Junmyeon finishes, and his mouth twitches.

“We’ll see,” Sehun says, leaning back. It’s not often that he sees Junmyeon outside of his classroom or from ski related stuff. “Are you heading home?”

“Actually, I was going to do the same thing as you,” Junmyeon says with a sigh, kicking at the chair gently. “Grade some papers, assessments, try to get on top of some reports before they get the better of me.”

“Sounds like a blast,” Sehun says, and tugs his bag into his lap. Digging his own grading materials from his bag, he pauses when he realizes Junmyeon is still standing. “You’re welcome to join me. Unless you’d rather watch me and live vicariously through me.”

“Tempting,” Junmyeon says, but sits finally.

“I always knew you secretly wanted to be a Literature teacher,” Sehun teases, sitting back with a stack of papers in his lap.

Junmyeon’s eyes flicker, then begin to dance. It’s like they’re laughing at him. “What gave it away?”

Sucking in a breath, Sehun leans closer, squinting and looking as serious as he can. “I can always tell,” he says, in mock sincerity, waving his pen before his face carefully. “Something about the eyes always gives it away.”

“I heard it was always the ink stain on the fingers,” Junmyeon says, one eyebrow raised.

“No, that’s writers,” Sehun corrects, pulling back into his own chair and smiling faintly, settling back in. “And for those you can also tell pretty easily.”

“What gives them away?”

“The coffee addiction,” Sehun says, and grins when Junmyeon startles into laughter beside him. “That usually gives it away pretty easily.”

“Where do you fall in all of this?”

“I don’t,” Sehun says, turning to him. “I don't have a category.”

“Everyone is something,” Junmyeon muses, picking over the papers in his lap, a red pen in his hand. “You can’t be nothing, Sehun.”

“What if I want to be nothing?” Sehun prompts, and Junmyeon looks up.

“Then I’ll make you something,” he says, as if it’s the simplest thing in the world. It strikes Sehun then, the way he just casually brushes it off, and the way it catches him. It’s not that Junmyeon isn’t being friendly, it’s that he _is_ being friendly. There isn’t any of the closed off walls, the clipped words and sentences that don't leave room for a response.

It’s comfortable, and Sehun isn’t watching every word that comes out of his mouth as he sits with Junmyeon. Those last words hang, the idea of _something_ from _nothing_ skittering up Sehun’s skin and he finds his words dried up in his throat, the flow cut.

Finally, Junmyeon seems to notice the silence, and looks up, a puzzled expression on his face. “What?”

“You’re being very friendly,” Sehun observes.

“Am I not supposed to be?” Junmyeon asks. It’s nice, and Sehun can slip into this so easily, but-

“What’s up?”

“What are you talking about?” Junmyeon laughs, sitting back in his chair and, there, Sehun sees it.

It’s the exact same thing that Sehun had watched him do at the ski sale, the way he’d just slipped into this sort of smooth companionship with strangers, none of the halting conversation. As much as it feels comfortable, fine, friendly, there’s something off. 

“You’re-“ Sehun doesn’t want to say ‘friendly’ (or look at the sudden realization of how much he apparently takes notice of Junmyeon, which is probably creepy). “Amicable.”

Which is pretty much the same thing as ‘friendly’, but Sehun can’t think of another word to properly suit Junmyeon’s behavior.

“Does it bother you?” Junmyeon asks, and something shifts. It’s not significant, but it’s enough that Sehun can see it, catch it in the corner of Junmyeon’s eyes. It’s like Junmyeon is surrounded by walls, moving and rotating walls that go up and down depending on who he talks to, who he’s with. At first with Sehun, he’d had cold and polite walls up, defensive, and now…

Being friendly is another wall, chatting with people and not actually talking about anything, using laughter and smiles to push away while in between the cracks in the walls slips small flickers of Junmyeon. Whoever Junmyeon is.

A chill, that has little to do with the frigid rain outside, skitters up Sehun’s skin and he shakes his head. “No,” he says, turning back to his papers. “I was just noticing.” He bites his lip, looking down at the paper before him, and pushing down the urge to just turn and watch Junmyeon instead.

To study him.

“It’s fine.”

It isn’t, but Sehun can’t really explain why, and he doesn’t want to. There are so many other things he has to deal with, to worry about with his time. Work, home, paying rent, making food that’s edible, ski team, grading papers, and staying in shape all outrank figuring out Junmyeon.

They all are more important, which is why it’s so frustrating when Sehun catches himself for the fourth time glancing up at Junmyeon as they sit together in the library slowly going through separate stacks of grading material. It’s incredibly frustrating, because Sehun doesn’t mean to do it at all.

❉

They need snow.

Not in the way that people need air, or food, or a properly beating heart to live for extended periods of time, but in the way that for the sake of sanity, they need snow. Very soon.

The problem is that they _do_ have snow. It’s just beginning to set up, flurries in the morning and dusting the frozen ground enough that students are chattering about it in the halls. There’s enough snow that it _feels_ like they have snow, but there’s not enough snow for Sunyoung to come to the school during the afternoon before practice and groom a track to ski on.

At the most they’ve had about two inches, and most of it melts by the time school gets out.

This means, that Sehun desperately wants snow, almost as much as his team does. Today, they even had snow, just enough that as the team comes barging into the equipment room, they’re all looking at him expectantly, eyes alight.

And Sehun had to let them all down. 

“No,” he’d said, and Taehyung had let out an enormous groan. “We don’t have enough snow to really make a base track to ski on. We need more than just an inch.”

“So what are we doing today?” Jaebum asked, already tugging on his sweatshirt ties, Jackson bouncing on the balls of his feet beside him. “Running?”

The dire _need_ for snow is so thick on the team, Sehun can practically taste it if he opens his mouth. They’re antsy for it, just passed with the last waves of papers and exams and heading into December getting and the longest school vacation. The day trip up to the Cross Country center isn’t for another few weeks, and while Sehun knows at least there they will have snow and can get kids moving on it, for now they’re stuck with-

“Oh my _God_ , Jimin Park, I’m going to _kill you!_ ”

-the screaming team that has just discovered they can still scrape up enough snow to form projectiles and hurl them at each other.

“Snow ball fights happen after practice,” Sehun shouts, raising his whistle to his lips as he watches the team mostly ignore him. Already, it’s dividing up nicely, the girls who are terrified and the girls who will literally shed blood before giving up facing off against the boys (who are equally divided even if they’d deny it abrasively). “Get running!”

“We can’t run, coach!” Seokjin yells, and yelps a moment later when he gets hit square in the back of the head by a snowball (courtesy of an astonished looking Taehyung). “The ground is too slippery!”

“You can run,” Sehun says, nodding out towards the athletic fields. “Take the trails through the woods, and make sure not to get lost in them.”

“Yeah, but how would you know if we’ve gotten lost or are-“ Jackson ducks, dropping the sentence as he avoids a snowball from Hyeri “-behaving?”

“Or having snowball fights,” Sehun adds, and grins. “I’ll be running too.”

“You _run_?” Hoseok almost shouts, voice cantering into a shriek as Jeongguk darts around him and shoves a fist full of snow down his back. The next second, Hoseok lets out an extremely high and loud scream, prompting Yerim to flop to the ground overcome with giggles.

“Of course Coach runs, you shit head,” Yoongi says, turning to Hoseok with a patronizing look on his face. It’s impressive, how out of all the team members, no one seems to want to go near him. Sehun isn’t sure if it’s because Yoongi might actually be a threat, or no one wants to find out (though Yugyeom keeps casting tentative looks). “Look at him. And he ran with us during the first week of practices.”

“Oh right,” Hoseok says from where he’s sprawled on the ground, in the snow, with Taehyung sitting on him and trying to shove snow into his face. “Everyone run!”

Even with Hoseok trying to get the rest of the team to rally, it takes a bit before the group all ends up finally taking off around the field. Jaebum and Minah take the lead, followed by Mark, Jimin, and Youngsun, and then it’s mostly just a chaos of the rest of the team all trying to run and fling snow at each other. Bringing up the rear, just behind some of the more tentative girls, Seokjin runs last, keeping at a light jog and making sure no one gets left behind.

“You don’t really have to go running after them,” Sunyoung says, stepping up to his side as she returns from checking over the equipment room.

“Nah, it’ll be fun to catch them all goofing off,” Sehun says, shrugging and unzipping the collar of his jacket slightly. It’s been a relatively stressful week. What with booking the buses finally for the training day with Junmyeon, then with the sudden fire drill that was completely unplanned and having the shower break at home, Sehun hasn’t had a great run of luck. That, and due to practices, he’s getting behind on school grading.

Grading, like pain, is something you have to keep on top of. Once it gets out of hand, it takes a ton of effort to get control over it once more, and Sehun can already feel his nerves twanging with the stress from it.

He needs to move.

“You sure?” Sunyong asks, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah,” Sehun says, and shakes his legs out a bit, arms following and getting the blood flowing. It’ll be good to run, and he can feel his system warming to it already, needing the steady rhythm to calm down the nervous energy that’s rising under the surface. “I’ll trust you to make sure they get through here after I wrangle them.”

“You can count on me,” Sunyoung says with a smile and a salute. “I’ll hold down the fort.”

“Good,” Sehun says, and grins as he turns and begins a light jog. It’s a good warm up, following the path the team had trampled in the snow. The ground is slightly slick from the snow, but it’s softer than just frozen turf, making it easier to run, less shock through his legs.

Sehun is by the treeline when the rhythm kicks in, and he increases his pace, feeling his hastened breaths picking up into a rhythm along with his heart beat. While Sehun may not be a track runner, or in the same condition as some of his team, he does know it won’t take long for him to catch up (having long legs helps).

Sure enough, Sehun has barely been running through the path through the woods outside the school before he can hear them, the raised voices, laughter, and shouts of the team. Grinning, Sehun keeps up his pace, feeling the tension in his body shift to a different tightness, this one good, keeping him together as he runs.

“Oh crap, go!” shouts what sounds a lot like Mark’s voice, and the next second the loud shouts and scrambling laughter begins to move, the team running. Shaking his head, Sehun keeps running, following his team as they run, just out of sight, ahead of him. Every few minutes, when Sehun can hear the team pause ahead of him and the sounds of them goofing off reaches him through the trees, someone sounds the alarm and they go scampering on ahead.

By the time Sehun breaks through the trees and runs back onto the edge of the far football field, he can see the team just ahead of him. Most of them keep glancing back, and he sees Moonbyul let out a shriek of laughter when she sees him.

“You’re ruthless,” Taehyung tells him, smiling brightly when he comes level with them back on the field.

“I know,” Sehun tells him, ruffling his hair as he looks over the team. “Go grab your poles.”

“And skis?” Jimin suggests excitedly.

“No, just poles,” Sehun clarifies, and watches as half the team deflates as he crushes their dreams. Again. 

“What are we doing?” Jaebum asks, stepping up beside him instead of following the team into the equipment room.

“We’re going to run the skate poling technique,” Sehun explains, turning to him. “Can I have you covering the returning members and making sure they’re poling on their dominant side?”

“Their-“ Jaebum frowns.

“I noticed that some of them are struggling with it earlier this week,” Sehun says, pushing his hair back from his face. After running, it always feels too hot even in the cold weather, and Sehun wants to unzip his jacket even if he knows that’s stupid. “Especially Yugyeom and Jeongguk I think have abnormal dominant sides for poling.”

“You mean they’re not poling on the correct side,” Jaebum asks, the frown of confusion still on his face.

Letting out a soft puff of a laugh, Sehun reaches out and clasps his hand on Jaebum’s shoulder, shaking him slightly. “You’re getting there,” Sehun says, and Jaebum relaxes, letting himself smile a bit at the comment. “Keep it up, and I might just make you captain.”

“I am captain,” Jaebum reminds, though he’s still smiling, casting Sehun a humored look. It’s been a while, but Sehun can finally see him loosening up, letting go of some of the stiffness he has around the team, around the Alpine members, and beginning to open up.

“Exactly,” Sehun says, and Jaebum laughs again. “Also, keep an eye on Seokjin. His balance keeps wavering.”

“I will,” Jaebum says, and nods as he slips from under Sehun’s hand and jogs to the equipment room, pushing through the door as the first eager members pour back onto the field, poles in hand.

“Ready?” Sehun asks, looking over a few of them, all the newer skiers. He’ll have Sunyoung, Jaebum, and Seulgi take over the others and direct them where they need to go as they come onto the field.

“What kind of poling are we learning?” Jeongguk asks, chewing on his pole straps again.

“Double poling,” Sehun explains. “Where you plant both of your poles at the same time, and push through your arms and back and abs onto your glide ski.”

“Our what?”

“Glide ski,” Sehun repeats.

“But we don’t have skis!” Hwasa shouts from the back.

“Of course not,” Sehun says, trying hard not to sigh. “If you had skis, you’d all be too distracted trying not to fall down to listen to me right now. So you have to learn how to ski before you actually ski so you’re ready to ski when you ski.”

Grinning, Sehun looks around at the team, and takes a brief moment to just enjoy the levels of confusion on their faces. Standing closest to him, Jeongguk raises his hand, still frowning.

“Yes.”

“I don’t get it,” Jeongguk says, and tilts his head to the side, clearly displaying how confused he is as well as voicing it.

“Exactly,” Sehun says, and the confusion grows. “Here, I’ll show you. Yugyeom?”

It’s habit now that Yugyeom hands Sehun his poles, and Sehun makes sure the team is watching him before he sets off down the field. While it might be easier at the very beginning to start the team with classic (7), Sehun figures that really, what he wants to work on, is their control and balance, which will mean when they finally get snow, they’ll start right off with freestyle skiing (8). Or skate skiing as most people call it, considering it is, in essence, skiing with the same motion of skating.

“Pole on your dominant side,” Sehun calls, planting his poles as he shifts all his weight onto his right foot, “and then push off onto your glide ski to transition your weight and move.” Sehun pushes off, with less finesse than he might if he were actually on skis, stepping forward with a little hop to his left leg. “Then bring your poles back as you transfer back.”

Hopping forward and to his right leg, Sehun raises his poles in the starting position to plant them again before turning back to the team. Most of them are all copying him, mimicking his movements, and Sehun turns with a smile to look at them. “Do you think you can do it?”

Only a smattering of answers come back to him, most of the team just nodding and a few of them already trying the motion a few steps ahead of the group. They line up in pairs, spaced out to make sure they don’t run into each other, and set off down the field, swinging with poles and jerking little hops from foot to foot but with the main motion down.

“This is easy!” Jeongguk yells on his returning lap, catching on quickly as Yugyeom stumbles beside him.

“I think my side is broken,” Yugyeom says, looking up at Sehun and frowning.

“Try the other side,” Sehun suggests, watching the way Yugyeom had been running and watching him transition balance. “What hand do you write with?”

“Right.”

“Try poling on the left for now,” Sehun suggests, wondering if he’s right (or Yugyeom is just going to have a hard time poling). “Then we’ll assess again.”

It works, and Sehun ends up leaving the group under Yoongi’s supervision to go and grab his own pair of poles to run up and down the field with the team. It helps, most of the team picking up and setting into a rhythm as Sehun keeps them going. They have a lot of work to do, but as the cold air burns Sehun’s nose and dries his tongue, it’s good to just get this started.

“Alright,” he calls over the team as the sun sets and he catches Sunyoung tapping her wrist. “Poles back and go do one final lap around the fields to cool down.”

“Can’t we just get hot chocolate?” Sooyoung asks, breathless from the exercise.

“After you finish you lap,” Sehun tells her. “Off you go, I’ll be along behind you in just a few, so no dallying.” The team is barely out of earshot, Sehun’s heart pounding in his chest and a pleasant distraction from the tension that is crawling under his skin again, when Sunyoung taps him on the arm.

“You alright?” she asks.

“Fine,” Sehun tells her, stepping back and shaking his hair from his face. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind. It’s easier to deal with if I’m moving.” 

“I understand that,” she says, nodding slowly. “Is it school?”

School. Work. Friends. The apartment he shares with his two best friends who have been dating since high school. The essays he has to grade and the tests he has to correct. The friendships that feel too new among the other teachers in the school. The bills he has to pay. The lack of snow when Sehun just wants to get the team out skiing.

The lack of snow when Sehun wants so badly to get onto white trails and ski until his muscles ache and burn and push all of the worries into numb silence, all tied up in an icy cool that feels distance but leaves him warm and panting after hours of pushing himself.

“It’s a few things,” Sehun says, swallowing down the pressure in his throat. “Don’t worry about it. Running will help and it’ll make sure the team gets back here in one piece.” He smiles, tugging the top of his zipper further down his jacket, opening up to the cold rush of air. “I’ll be back to wrap up, running the team in.”

“Alright,” Sunyoung says, and smiles reassuringly at him as he turns and runs off after the team, back into the rhythmic pound up his legs and the burn that sooths against the buzzing under his skin.

✦

_Sehun doesn’t really do sports. Well, technically he_ didn’t _do sports. Nordic is just kind of something that fell into his lap._

_In the form of Chanyeol, whining and pleading over lunch, and roping him and Jongin into the sport._

_That’s how it happened._

_But other than that, Sehun just classified his athletic career as ‘restless movement during the day’ rather than identifying any kind of sport he really got into._

_Skiing is different though. Skiing is fun, and once they’re on trails and out and training, with either Kyuhyun or Minho taking the lead as the coaches do… whatever, it’s like another world. This isn’t all about racing (especially not all about racing when Kyuhyun decides they’re all gonna go ‘exploring’ and leads them off into the woods. To get stuck. In a swamp)._

_It’s about playing, it’s about having_ fun _with a sport and making things up and getting better at skiing just so he can get better at doing stupid shit on skis that he’s not supposed to do in the first place._

_“Poles down!” Minho is shouting over the team._

_Like today. Sehun doesn’t really do sports, which is mostly why his stomach had dropped when Minho had announced that, since Coach was out today, they’re gonna play ‘ski basketball’. Sehun has only played basketball in gym class. And he hated it._

_Of course, luckily it turns out that ski basketball is almost nothing like real basketball at all. It just has some similar rules. Rather than hoops, Kyuhyun had dragged out two large garbage cans and a soft volleyball as their ‘basketball’. There is still no carrying, but they can skate three steps on their skis before they pass the ball, and that’s pretty damn far on skis. They can’t kick the ball, but that’s kind of impossible anyway, considering their feet are attached to skis and that’d be stupid. And they can’t tackle each other._

_Well, they can, but it counts as a foul and everyone will laugh._

_“Are you sure?” Sehun asks, staring as he puts down his poles. Granted, he’s skied without poles before, mostly training for technique, but this is the first time he’s_ really _skied without poles. Now there’s a_ much _higher chance of him falling down._

_“You need you hands free, of course you can’t have poles,” Taemin answers instead, skiing up and slamming into him from behind, arms wrapping around Sehun’s waist as he laughs, holding him upright as Sehun wobbles dangerously. “Besides, imagine all the skiing around we’re gonna be doing. No one wants a pole stuck in their leg.”_

_It's true. The Nordic poles, unlike alpine, aren’t blunt tipped, but instead have hard metal tips like knives to dig into the snow and stick. Sehun knows how sharp they are because Jongin accidentally stuck him in the foot with one while they were changing a few weeks ago._

_It still hurts and Taemin has taken to calling it his ‘puncture wound’ with sleazy affection whenever he has a conversation with Sehun._

_“Okay, okay,” Sehun says, trying to wiggle out of Taemin’s grasp. “I get it, you can let go now.”_

_“I’m just making sure you don’t fall down without poles,” Taemin tells him. “And we’re teammates. You shouldn’t be talking to Minho anyway. He’s on the other team. The_ enemy _.”_

_“Except how else are we gonna learn the stupid game, dumbass?” Sehun points out, and finally manages to pry Taemin’s arms from around him, letting cool air against his middle._

_“We’ll cheat,” Taemin says, and grins at Sehun’s returning frown. “What? Worried our captain isn’t gonna like you as much if you cheat against him?”_

_“No!” Sehun bites out, even as heat rises in his face at Taemin’s words. His stomach jumps in a soft flutter, eyes flickering over to where Minho is helping Kyuhyun set up the garbage cans, skating back and forth over the ‘court’ easily._

_“Lame,” Taemin laughs, and reaches out to wrap Sehun into a headlock, still laughing as Sehun yelps and tries to shove him off. “It’ll be fun! We’ll be_ champions! _”_

_“Do you remember your teams?” shouts Kyuhyun from his end of the goals._

_“We’re with you!” Taemin answers, still holding Sehun in a headlock before he can answer for himself. Sehun flails, struggling as Taemin’s arm around him locks him closer, trying to hit him off. “And we claimed Sojin and Hyoyeon!”_

_“Hey!” shouts Jongin from the other end of the ‘court’, clearly offended he’d been left out._

_“I get the wiz kid, you deal with Park Gangly Yeol,” Taemin laughs, finally releasing Sehun, who skates away, coughing slightly and glowering at his teammate._

_The game, as it turns out, is a lot more like soccer than it is like basketball, and it’s mostly about trying to shove each other over than to actually ski the ball between the garbage cans. Still, it ends up being extremely fun once they all get the hang of it. Once Kyuhyun figures out that as much as he and Taemin bicker and Sehun wants to punch his face in sometimes, they make a pretty good duo. They become the offense._

_This mostly means that Sehun is frantically skiing up and down, trying to dodge Jongin and Chanyeol when they lunge for him, and find an opening for Taemin to pass him the ball._

_Turning, having just left Chanyeol in the snow a few feet away, Sehun looks for Taemin with his arms stretched up, shouting, “I’m open!”_

_The ball is never passed to him though, as instead of passing it, Taemin gets bowled over by Minho and the two of them go sprawling in a tangle in the snow._

_“Foul!” yells Kyuhyun, skating up from where he’d been acting as ‘goalie’. “Taemin gets to take a shot.”_

_On the ground, Taemin and Minho are laughing, fumbling with each other to grab for the ball, and Taemin yelps when Minho finally rolls off of him. His face is pink with laughter, snow in his dark hair as he pushes to his feet._

_“This is why I didn’t want you on my team,” Taemin says, and is grinning brightly as he looks at Minho. “It’s more fun this way.” Sehun frowns, watching as Taemin grins and Minho rolls his eyes, shoving the younger boy._

_“Go take your shot,” Minho says, watching as Jinri and Song Qian move away from the trashcan that is their goal. “We’ll see who wins and who doesn’t have to_ cheat _their way to victory.”_

_“You’re on!” Taemin crows, skiing up to take the shot. Sehun’s stomach lurches when Taemin suddenly turns to him, winks, and then throws the volleyball to the trashcan goal-_

_-and misses the shot completely._

_“You’re a moron,” Sehun grumbles, quickly side stepping out of the way as Taemin turns to skate towards him. He doesn’t look to see if Taemin is following him back to their side of the ‘court’, watching as Jongin and Chanyeol ski back to their side, his eyes instead flickering over to where Minho is still laughing at the crappy shot._

_“That’s no way to talk to your fellow teammate,” Taemin says, easily recovering to ski up beside him. He reaches over, tugging Sehun’s hand into his. “I feel like you don’t trust me.”_

_“I don’t,” Sehun tells him. “Pass me the ball next time, I could have taken the shot.”_

_“I tried,” Taemin laughs._

_“Whatever,” Sehun says, pushing back the sigh as he turns from Taemin and pulls his hand back. “Ready?”_

_“Who pissed in your soup at lunch today?” Taemin asks, frowning at him as he turns, stepping to face down the ‘court’ again._

_“Are you boys gonna play nice or do I have to get the girls up front instead?” Kyuhyun asks, looking between them._

_“We got this,” Taemin says, nodding to Sehun. “Right?”_

_“Yeah,” Sehun says, not looking at Taemin though, his eyes instead on the other side of the court; on the prize. “Got it.” Under the spandex and the hum that comes from playing, the game ending up far more fun and just making things up in the guise of it being a ‘game’, Sehun’s stomach flutters every so often._

_Except now it alternates between excited, soft flutters at warm laughs and bright eyes and the sudden twist when a hand grabs for his with a teasing smile._

_For a moment, as Sehun careens out of the ‘court’ boundaries and lets out a yelp when both Minho and Taemin tackle him (clearly unintentionally), there’s a thin line between what game he’s playing._

❉

There is always something about waking up after snow where it’s just obvious. Something in the air, the stillness outside and inside, like the layer of snow has wrapped the world in a soft cocoon of cool white, muffling everything to whispers and soft breaths caught in the chest. It creeps up the walls, sun just peeking through the clouds as the ground layers in soft snow, perfect for skiing.

“I knew it,” Chanyeol laughs, voice laced heavily with sleep as he shuffles into the kitchen to see Sehun already there and dressed. It’s habit not that Sehun wakes up automatically every day at the same time. School does that, and he hadn’t bothered to lie in bed when he’d looked outside and seen the world in soft pillows of white. “As soon as I saw the snow, I knew you’d be up.”

“I’m always up,” Sehun tells him, spoon clinking in his cereal bowl as he scoops the last of his cocoa crisps into his mouth. “Do you want me to wait for you or-“

Chanyeol yawns, shaking his head and waving him off. Chanyeol is still in his pajamas, fleece patterned sleep pants and a white tee, just waking up as Sehun watches him, fully dressed in his ski layers and already done with breakfast.

“I’m going to wait on Jongin,” Chanyeol says, though he gives Sehun an appreciative smile. “We’ll text you and meet you at the trail, if conditions are good and you’re still out when he gets up.”

“Chances are I will be,” Sehun says. He’s already been up for a few hours, nerves buzzing with the chance to finally get back out on skis. It’s almost perfect that it snowed on a Saturday, ensuring that, if the weather holds, they’ll have a great base come Monday to _finally_ get the team out on skis. “Let me know.”

It hadn’t taken long to get his skis waxed, checking the temperature for the day and heating up the iron as the coffee had brewed. It’s barely a short trip out to the local trails, not quite groomed yet but the local outdoors association has at least sent out a groomer that morning.

It’s like stepping into a breath when Sehun clicks his toes into his bindings. It’s the beating of his heart as he slips his hands into his pole straps and grips the handles. It’s feeling completely balanced as he looks up, the only person out here in the crisp December air, little clouds of white rising from his lips.

Pushing off, skating and making first tracks in the freshly fallen and groomed snow, Sehun feels like he’s coming back into himself. Like everything lines up and clicks, making sense with the glide of the snow beneath his skis and the soft crunch as his poles dig into the snow.

The snow is still drifting down softly, just the last of the storm that had come through silently overnight and left them blanketed in white. The whole world is quiet, the only sound the gentle swish of skis over the snow, cutting marks against the perfectly groomed tracks. The only break is the breaths that sound in Sehun’s ears, pulled from him as he skies, setting a pace easily and with eyes ahead, moving faster and faster, slipping and skating, gliding over the snow.

The cold against his heating skin is welcome, the soft familiar push through his thighs, legs, abs, arms, and pulling the muscles of his back as he follows through with his poles. It’s slipping back into himself, into the center of what he is, what he loves, and looking out with clarity and ease.

There’s no one on the trails, and it’s almost better that way. As much as Sehun likes having Jongin and Chanyeol’s company when he’s out, sometimes, it’s best to just be out like this, taking the first run of the season. It’s almost precious, unique and just for him, a small moment when he can just ski and not think about anything but the gliding shift of weight from foot to foot.

It’s breathing, filling and expanding and clear, clean with the crisp winter air, and bringing life back into him. It’s life, and Sehun feels so full of it, he can’t do anything but keep going as a smile breaks over his face.

It’s breathing, and it’s coming home and feeling that he’d never left, and knowing in the cold air against his skin and the welcome humming of his muscles that everything is okay.

❉

Of course, while the weekend of near perfect skiing conditions had been ideal, oddly relaxing despite how Sehun had ended up skiing nearly thirty kilometers, by the time practice arrives on Monday, the excitement about the snow is palpable. Sehun almost feels bad when he opens the door to the equipment room to see the entire team already there, shouting and all lined up by the skies, clearly ready to get out.

“Waxing,” Sehun tells them all, and while half of them look confused, the older members let out a collective sigh.

“What’s waxing?” Taehyung asks, turning around and to Hoseok, standing just behind him.

“It’s when we remove all the hair from your body to make you more aerodynamic,” Hoseok says seriously, and then laughs a moment later at the horrified look on Taehyung’s face.

“We’re waxing the skis,” Sehun corrects, nodding over to Jaebum and Seulgi who move towards the corner where the benches are. “Wax before we head out, and _only_ after your skis are waxed. Otherwise you’re stuck inside until you finish your skis.” Despite how about half of the team has never waxed skis before, they manage to set up fairly quickly, the five waxing benches and irons set up with the tool kits dropped between. “Experienced skiers take a mentee,” Sehun calls over the group, watching as Sunyoung sneaks in, face flushed from the cold as she gets in after grooming. “I’ll take whoever is left.”

“Impressive,” Sunyoung says, nodding to the team as they begin working on their classic skis. They’d gotten enough snow on the ground to groom classic, and it’ll be easier to start with classic for the newer skiers. They’ll conquer skate later in the week. “I think this is the most concentrated I’ve ever seen them.”

“It’s the idea of actually skiing,” Sehun says, watching as the older skiers iron wax into their skis and the newer members watch, eyes careful. It seems to be matched up pretty well, almost all the younger skiers with one of the older members. Mark and Jackson are the only two who aren’t teaching, both taking one side of one of the waxing benches to get their skis waxed and prepped, focused and chatting together as they work.

“Or you’re doing a good job,” Sunyoung says, and elbows him in the side gently. “It’s awesome out there, by the way. We have a great day to get them started.”

“I know,” Sehun says, smiling at his assistant coach. “I’m looking forward to it.”

The older more experienced members don’t wait, Sehun nodding to them to head out onto the track and start skiing laps. Jackson is out first, after rubbing kick wax into his skis, out the door with a whooping yell of, “see you suckers on the track!” before he barrels outside. Mark is soon to follow with Hyeri after him.

Any of the new team members just stands, drifting between the waxing benches if they’ve finished up their skis. Jaebum ends up lingering, watching over Jeongguk and Yibo before he finally heads out onto the track with a nod from Sehun.

“You all ready?” Sehun asks, and is greeted with smiles.

Classic skiing, unlike the freestyle Sehun had done over the weekend, is less about the swing of balance and is more about the original style of Nordic. It is, in essence, running with long sticks on your feet to get over the snow. Sunyoung had put the classic attachment for the groomer to make their track for the day. It runs along the main stretch of track, two deeper wider grooves, about two inches wider than the width of a ski, set into the snow. They help skiers, especially in a race, to keep moving in a proper line, getting the most speed and focus in the guiding track.

“Do you remember when we ran up and down the field using our poles?” Sehun asks, stepping into his own skis as the team gathers around him.

They all look up at him, silent and big eyed and Sehun is reminded strongly of the ‘duckling’ image that Chanyeol uses when talking about his daycare kids.

“This is kind of like that,” Sehun explains. “Actually, it’s basically that. Except you’re not running, you’re staying on your forward weight bearing foot for as long as you can glide on the snow.”

“So it’s like slow motion running?” Sooyoung asks, frowning slightly.

“Yes,” Sehun says, realizing explaining exactly what classic is might be harder than just letting them watch and copy. “Kind of like running in slow motion, except your kicking off to change your weight. That’s why we use the kick wax.”

“The sticky wax,” Jeongguk chirps, and grins.

“Yes,” Sehun agrees, and steps back. “I want everyone to get into the tracks and space out a bit when you line up. Then we’re going to try.”

Initially, he’s met with eagerness, all of the first timers fumbling a bit on their skis to try to walk on skis that keep slipping out from under them, awkwardly attached to the tips of their feet. Finally though, they all end up spaced fairly well on the track, staring at him. They all watch carefully as he demonstrates on the flat ungroomed track, leaning forward with a straight back, pushing off into the gliding motion that feels like running through air. A few of them are trying to copy him when Sehun turns back to them, already fumbling a bit in the tracks.

“Your turn,” Sehun tells them, smiling as best he can when he turns back to them after the brief demo.

It doesn’t take more than five minutes before almost every one of them has fallen down, yelling in some varying degree of pitch and volume. “Nice,” Sehun tells them, and steps out of the way as he catches sight of the older team members rounding the track. “It’s a good start.”

“Hey! Mr. Oh!” calls Jackson, in the lead in the opposite track from where the learning skiers are. “How many laps do you want us to do?”

“Try to get another three in,” Sehun says, watching as Jackson comes to pause, standing up fully and panting slightly. “Maybe five if you feel like it. That should be at least two K then we’ll meet back here for a few things. Can you let the other’s know?”

Jackson grins, glancing behind him. “Sure, if they can catch up,” he says, and Sehun notices the learning team watching him, taking in his stance, how he leans on his poles, the way he’s distributing his weight. “But yeah, I’ll let them know. Jaebum is back working with Mark for a little bit and I think he wants to meet up in the woods just to do check ins.”

“Sounds good,” Sehun says, turning back to his portion of the team. “I’ll see you on your next lap.” Turning back to the team as Jackson pushes off, skiing back down the track in a steady pace, kicking off well through his kick zone (and double poling for a bit to show off), Sehun smiles at the new skiers. “Think you can catch up to him.”

“Yeah!” Jeongguk is the only one to answer, and even if he looks cocky when he shouts it, he immediately looks sheepish afterwards. “Sorry.”

“No, I like the confidence,” Sehun laughs, and motions to them all to get back to standing. “Half of you step over to the other track. It’ll be easier to move and you won’t run into each other.”

It’s been another thirty minutes before the rest of the team finishes up their lap skiing, Sehun already having done a few circles of the field tracks with his progressing team. In total, they’d fallen less than he thought they might, but they’d still fallen a lot.

“It’s all part of the learning experience,” Hweein says, smiling at Yerim as she somehow manages to topple over again once they’re all gathered. “Everyone falls the first time on skis.”

“And you don’t even get it until you’ve been on skis for three days,” Hoseok adds, shrugging a bit as Taehyung wanders out off the track to… do something with his skis in the snow. Possibly make a firework design, Sehun isn’t sure. “So you guys don’t have to worry that you suck.”

“Three _days_?” Yugyeom wheezes, suddenly sagging almost slipping to the ground if not holding onto his poles. “ _Three?_ ”

“It depends on the skier,” Sehun explains easily. “But you’ll all have the hang of it by the end of the week.”

“ _The end of the week?_ ” Sooyoung repeats, and Yerim whimpers as she flops back into the snow. Behind her, Taehyung has finally finished his… firework? And is grinning down at it his masterpiece as Hoseok keeps trying to fling snow off his ski at him.

“Look at it this way,” Sehun says, trying not to laugh at the expressions on his team’s faces. “You only have to be bad at this sport once, and you’ll be better tomorrow, and ever better the day after.”

“And then you get to race,” Jaebum adds, and grins delightedly when the team pales slightly.

“Which is the whole point!” Jackson adds as Hyeri rolls her eyes. “It’s awesome!”

“I feel sick,” Yugyeom tells him.

“Yeah!” Jackson says, still grinning. “Get used to that, that’s how it feels in races too, except you can’t breathe and your snot freezes to your face.” 

“Gross,” Hwasa says, her lip curling. “That’s disgusting.”

“That’s racing,” Jackson says, and hops a bit on his skis. “No one looks good when they’re racing. It’s just fact. That’s why we all strip on the bus on the way down.”

“More talk about races when we get to them,” Sehun cuts off before Yura can look even more disconcerted by Jackson’s descriptions. “For now, we need to work on technique and getting down poling.”

“Poling?” Seokjin repeats, and finally Hoseok manages to grab Taehyung and drag him into the snow.

“Yep, we’re going to do double poling exercises,” Sehun says, and turns towards the two boys obviously ignoring practice. “Oi! Are you in practice or play time?” Turning back as Taehyung and Hoseok scramble back onto the track, Sehun breathes in to look at his team as a whole. “Double poling is the main way you pick up speed in classic skiing. Honestly, if you double pole an entire race, you’d make better time than if you just did classic skiing.”

“Are you serious?” Jaebum asks, actually looking surprised. 

“You get the most forward motion,” Sehun explains, shifting on his skis. “All your strength and energy is put to gliding, which is what gives you your speed in the first place, and you follow all your weight through your poles. It’s not broken up into the pause of kicking through your kick zone.” Stepping back and skiing a bit away, Sehun swiftly does a demonstration, plating both poles by his heels and pushing through his arms, bending down as it shoots him forward and he swings all his weight down, following through until he’s bent nearly in half, all his weight pushed through, before he swings back up and faces his team. “See?”

“So why don’t skiers just double pole a whole race?” Yoongi asks, head tilting to the side.

“Because it’s exhausting,” Sehun explains. “It uses the most of your energy, and you need to have a solid rock hard core to really get the most out of it.”

“Jimin has a pretty solid core,” Jeongguk says, and gets a pleased and slightly cocky grin from his teammate.

“I know,” Sehun says, remembering the multiple occasions Jimin had practically paraded his ‘eight-pack’ around the equipment, boasting about his ‘hot bod’.

“It takes more than just a six pack to get through a race just double poling,” Sehun explains. “And there’s hills and shifts in the course, and double poling up a hill is extremely hard.”

“So are we just using it at the beginning of races?” Hyeri asks, shifting on her skis, clearly getting impatient.

“Whenever you can,” Sehun says. “But mostly at the beginning and end of races. That’s when it’ll serve you the most. You can shave off a lot of your time in the final stretch if you’re double poling instead of just skiing. So, that's what we’re gonna work on today.”

“We are?” Yibo asks, and the rest of the new skiers look just as apprehensive as he does.

“Yep,” Sehun confirms with a smile. “This will be good for you guys to get down. It’ll help with balance and coordination, and you get to watch everyone else suffer with you.”

“Suffer?” Taehyung repeats, finally jerking to attention and _listen_.

“Everyone line up!” Sehun shouts, stepping back on his skis and pushing off, skiing about fifty feet ahead of the team before he tugs his whistle to his teeth. “I want those in front to start, then the second skiers start on my whistle! And so on. Double pole to me and keep going to the fence!”

“What if I get tired?” yells Yoongi, leaning against Seokjin in the line up.

“Then you keep going until you fall over,” Sehun shouts, and doesn't allow for anymore questions as he blows his whistle. It’s hard work, Sehun knows, watching as Jaebum and Hyeri start off their lines, double poling hard and fast towards him, and once they get about ten feet, the blows the whistle again, queuing Hoseok and Hweein to go, followed by Mark and Youngsun, and then the rest of the pairs.

Their technique needs work, and by the time the newest skiers end up struggling past him, Sehun already knows what he wants to work on. Letting them rest for a moment, Sehun skis over to the team waiting by the fence.

“Good,” Sehun tells them, smiling at their flushed faces. “You did well.”

“And we’re done?” Minah asks, still panting a bit. 

Sehun just laughs and steps back, skiing back one hundred feet this time before he turns to the team and motions for them to line up before he blows his whistle. They have a long way to go, and now they have snow, they can finally get down to business.

Now, they can finally do the sport they’re here for, and Sehun’s going to make sure they get it without just being left to figure it out.

❉

As it had turned out, it wasn’t so much at the scheduling issues of everyone’s ‘hectic’ schedules that had made the teacher’s dinners so hard to nail down earlier. It was actually because Jongdae had his entire email system crash and had no idea when people were busy and weren’t because he lost all way of contacting them.

“We literally work with you,” Han is saying, leaning across the table into Jongdae’s defiant (but lightly blushing face). He flinches when Han flicks him softly in the forehead. “You can just walk down the hall and say ‘hey, are you free on Thursday?’ It’s that easy.”

In the end, it had been Han, who is somehow creepily good at gathering information, who had organized the next teachers’ dinner. And all of the subsequently ‘tentatively’ scheduled teachers’ dinners for the upcoming weeks. Two a month, because not everyone can come every week and it’s too long (apparently) to go longer without seeing everyone’s ‘beautiful faces’.

At least that’s what Han had told everyone when they’d carpooled over to _The Star_ to get to Happy Hour so they could ‘let loose on their tight teacher wallets’.

“Not everyone has a corresponding schedule,” Jongdae mumbles (or Sehun thinks he mumbles). He says something else, but it’s hard to hear over the loud argument Kyungsoo and Yixing are having while Baekhyun interjects completely unhelpfully between the two right beside Sehun. They’ve been at it for the last ten minutes (while Baekhyun keeps giving Kyungsoo more drinks to ‘even the playing field’ against Yixing’s spiked Shirley temple) and Sehun is beginning to see why the theater department is so affluent, but also always scrambling.

It’s a larger group tonight. Since Han, one of the higher level science teachers, had taken over coordinating (because Jongdae left him _out_ last time ‘like an asshole’), the group has expanded into many teachers Sehun has met, but doesn’t quite know. It’s a bit strange to be involved in a conversation with someone like they’re close friends when he’s not sure if the man in front of him is Jonghyun or Jinki.

Both of them do the elective courses, and aren’t often in the teacher’s room.

It’s more fun though, having a larger group that’s full and loud, driven mostly by Han’s friends who end up being a lot more fun than they present themselves in school. It means a louder table in the corner of the bar area, and more laughter over all.

It also means more drinks, which Sehun hadn’t expected, and he’s been nursing his beer for the last hour trying to keep out of Han’s watchful eye. As much as he’s been stressed and could probably do with a night to unwind, he doesn’t really feel like this is the time or place to do it, even if Han had said ‘everyone’ without room for question.

“But you _can’t_ have Dongwoo,” Yixing is saying defensively, huffing at Kyungsoo beside Sehun as Baekhyun wraps a comforting arm around his husband (while grinning in clear amusement). “He’s the only one I can get to help out with the tech stuff for the musical in the spring!”

“There _is_ no musical in the spring!” Kyungsoo retorts heatedly, for what feels like the tenth time. “Yixing! You already have all the music competitions to run _and_ auditions _and_ recordings and it’s the _only_ time the drama department has full use of the theater facilities to do an actual production and _you know how badly I’ve been wanting to do_ The Tempest _with gender play castings, don’t act like you don't_ ,” he finishes in a growl that has even Sehun blinking at him.

“Wait,” Baekhyun says, catching onto the conversation. “Do you mean the whole cast is switched or just-“

“Okay,” Yixing interrupts, and sighs, leaning closer to Kyungsoo. “Okay, okay, okay. But, what _if_ -“ Kyungsoo visibly bristles “-we made it a musical version of _The Tempest_?”

“I think you lost, Yixing,” Sehun says, quickly leaning into the conversation before Kyungsoo can actually turn the same shade of red as his wine. “Honestly, to make any Shakespeare production into a full out musical isn’t the greatest idea. If anything, maybe you can work together on the musical elements in the play though?”

“There’s music in _The Tempest_?” Baekhyun asks, frowning.

“Heathens,” Kyungsoo grumbles, grabbing his wine and drinking the whole glass in one gulp. Sehun holds back a laugh, trying not to let his own expertise on Literature get in the way of remembering not _everyone_ can recite sonnets. “All of you.”

“No, just Han,” Yixing says, and looks extremely pleased at his quip. Beside him, Baekhyun just grins and pats his shoulder, as if telling him _good job, you tried,_ without actually having to sound condescending to his tipsy husband.

“There’s a lot of music in a variety of Shakespeare’s plays,” Sehun explains. “I bet it would help especially in _The Tempest_ considering that the island the play is staged on is described to have a lot of music. The characters are shown to either be able to hear it or not and a lot of the characters sing. Like Ariel.”

“Sehun,” Yixing says, turning to him as Kyungsoo gives him a sort of betrayed look. “I like you so much. You’re such a nice person. Like, a wonderful person.”

“Thank you, I appreciate your saying so,” Sehun tells Yixing, nodding and patting Yixing on the hand as he tries to lean away from where Yixing is pressing into his space. “Go lean on your husband though. I’d like to keep my limbs intact.”

“Honestly, if I got jealous over every man my husband is affectionate with, I’d always be upset and our marriage would have fallen apart years ago,” Baekhyun says with a laugh. He doesn’t protest though as Yixing leans back into him, a pleased smile on his face as Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

“You two have only been married for three years,” Kyungsoo reminds.

“Our relationship then,” Baekhyun corrects. “Our _relationship_ would have crashed and burned if I’d been the type to get up in arms if Yixing was too friendly with another person who isn’t me. As it is, I understand that I married a boomerang.”

“A handsome boomerang,” Yixing says, sitting up as their food finally arrives. “And I married a creative clown.”

“At least there will always be laughter in our marriage,” Baekhyun says and Sehun smiles at them, catching a smaller but definite smile on Kyungsoo’s face. “Unlike Kyungsoo’s, which- what is in yours?”

“Commitment,” Kyungsoo says flatly. “And sanity.” About two years ago, Sehun had shocked when Kyungsoo had announced to his group of friends that’d he’d be getting married when he and Sojin had only been dating for a year. Of course, they all liked Sojin, but they hadn’t really expected the relationship to be serious.

Sehun hadn’t realized when he’d introduced Sojin to Kyungsoo during a weekend when Sojin and Jinri had been up visiting for a skiing weekend that it would actually _work_.

It did though, and they’ve been oddly perfect for each other since Sehun had gone to the first wedding of his life and watched his friend find happiness in another person.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun calls, shaking his head as he picks through his French fries. “You’re the odd man out here.”

“Every group needs a single person to balance out the overwhelming couples,” Sehun shrugs, looking down at his dinner and wishing to just leave the conversation. Maybe talk to Jia and Amber, or finally pick Soojung’s brain about Yibo and see if she’d made any progress with his family or if he and Junmyeon will have to be giving the boy regular rides home.

“You’re single?” Baekhyun sounds so shocked, Sehun actually looks back up at him.

“Wait,” Soojung says. She’s sitting on Kyungsoo’s other side, and had been talking with Jonghyun animatedly about something but is suddenly turning to them. “I thought you were-“

“What?” Sehun asks, cutting her off with a frown.

“I thought you and-“ Soojung pauses, and then tilts her head to the side, a faint smile on her face. “You and Sunyoung aren’t-“

“She’s getting married,” Sehun says immediately, feeling oddly numb at the comment. Sunyoung is a lovely woman, fun and smart and a pleasure to work with, but- “Not to me. Her wedding is next year. Not to me. I just met her.” Kyungsoo is staring at him, and Sehun reaches out and takes a sip of water, ignoring his look.

“I’m sorry, I just- I had heard Junmyeon mention how you two got along so well and I thought-“ Soojung laughs, shaking her head. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry.”

“I can pretend to be flattered,” Sehun tells her, sitting back and shrugging. “Honestly, it’s just kind of strange to think of her that way.” _For more than a few reasons_ , ripples through Sehun’s mind before he takes another sip of water, swallowing the words down.

“I had a few students ask me if you two were dating, actually,” Jia adds, leaning around Soojung. “And then one that asked if Soojung and you were dating.”

“Are we?” Sehun asks Soojung as her eyes go wide and she turns to him. “You should have told me.” Soojung laughs, and shakes her head, casting him a mixed look. “Or did we already break up?”

“Sehun-“ Soojung says, still laughing as Jia smiles and watches them.

“I’m sorry, but I guess this isn’t working out, Soojung,” Sehun continues, the words pulling out of him fast and easy, over the twist in his chest. “It’s probably just not meant to be. I’m sorry.”

“Did you two just date and break up in the span of a minute?” Han asks, walking down to their end of the table with raised brows.

“I’m trying to set a record of shortest lasting relationship,” Sehun tells him evenly as Soojung rolls his eyes.

“Ah, so you’re competing against Junmyeon’s record,” Han laughs, and Sehun’s smile falters. Across from him, he sees Soojung’s face fall, looking up at Han with a sort of reproachful tilt to her lips.

“Han,” she warns as Sehun looks for the words to reply, to slip under, and finds none. “You shouldn’t talk about him here.”

“Where he can’t even defend himself,” Kyungsoo adds, and shares a look with Soojung.

“Then he can stop being such a stick in the mud and come to dinner next time,” Han says, and glances at Sehun. “I don’t think anyone can beat Junmyeon’s record though.”

“It’s not a record,” Kyungsoo says, with what sounds almost like a heavy sigh as he looks at Han. “You really should stop calling it that.”

“Is there something wrong with calling something what it is?” Han asks, and Sehun finds himself frowning along with Kyungsoo as he watches Han. “If Junmyeon were here, he’d own up to it.”

“Just to get you to shut up,” Kyungsoo says pointedly and Han at least has some sense to look a bit quieted.

“No one can get Han to shut up,” Jia pipes in, and grins at Han as he grimaces playfully at her. “It’s good though. That’s why we always make him do the presentations to the school during meetings. Makes it easier to throw him under the bus.”

“The sacrifices I make for all of you are done because I love you,” Han sighs. Turning to Sehun, his grin widens and he leans in. “And because Junmyeon tries to make jokes when he takes over the platform speeches.”

“Which aren’t funny,” Soojung says, her face relaxing and looking almost fond. “Despite what you think, Kyungsoo, Junmyeon still isn’t funny.”

“You liked his jokes once,” Kyungsoo says, and Sehun’s eyebrows raise as he watches Soojung laugh and a slight flush creeps over her cheeks.

“Once is a long time ago,” Soojung says. “Now I just laugh so he doesn’t worry.”

“Soojung, you are _so_ kind,” Han tells her. “Seriously, it’s always a pleasure to have you at these dinners. I’ve missed you.”

“Someone has to balance you out,” Soojung teases, and laughs when Han gets a look of shocked hurt on his face. “I think Sehun and I will have to take over, now that Yesung is gone.”

“Sehun?” Han asks, turning to him again, a curiosity in his eyes that makes Sehun want to lean away. “No offense but you don’t really seem like the sweet and gentle type.”

“I think it’s open to interpretation,” Sehun tells him. He doesn’t know Han that well, mostly just catching him a few times in the teachers’ room during lunch or in the lunch room during supervision duty. Overall, Han doesn’t seem that bad, very friendly, teasing, somewhat intense, and he gets along well with the students. There hasn’t ever been a time when Sehun hadn’t felt comfortable talking with him, bantering usually within a conversation.

Now though, Sehun almost wishes Han would leave, something about him a bit on edge, and it makes Sehun’s jaw set.

“How is any statement begun with ‘no offense’ not actually offensive though?” Jongdae calls down the table, leaning into the conversation. “Han, you know better.”

“I didn’t mean offense!” Han protests, turning to Jongdae and looking miffed. “I was being _sincere_.”

“It’s a rare thing to see you sincere, Han,” Jia says, blinking up at him. “This should be documented.”

“See?” Han says, and lets out a loud sigh. “This is why we need Junmyeon here. So I don’t look like a dick for talking about his serial dating and he can make derisive comments about the one time I’m trying to be sincere.”

“Serial dating,” Sehun says quietly, frowning a bit as he stares at Han. Of all people Sehun might have looked at from the teaching staff, Junmyeon does _not_ scream affinity with that term. Perhaps _chaste until marriage_ but definitely not _serial dating_ or, like Han has hinted at _brief relationships_.

Han, on the other hand, gives a very definite aura of _are we dating or am I dating everyone?_ which is both unnerving, and oddly endearing.

“It’s not serial dating,” has Sehun turning, and he realizes then that he had actually said it aloud, and loud enough that someone (in this case Yixing) had heard him. Yixing is frowning, cheeks flushed as he looks at Sehun and his eyes swim with concern. “Junmyeon doesn’t serial date. He just has a thing where he dates a lot of people for short periods of time.”

“Xing, that’s what serial dating is,” Han says gently. “You’re drunk.”

“No, I’m _tipsy_ ,” Yixing corrects pointedly. “I’ve been monitored all evening.”

“You’re welcome,” Baekhyun chimes in before going back to his hamburger.

“I don’t really get the impression that Junmyeon would enjoy us all discussing his dating life when he’s not here to speak for himself,” Sehun says, wetting his lips and just wanting to go back to his dinner. It’s getting cold, just like the atmosphere, and Sehun just wants Baekhyun to go back to making inappropriate jokes about band instruments again.

There are plenty of people here now who _do_ want to talk about their dating life. Sehun swallows, glancing at Baekhyun and Yixing, clearly happy together, and around the table, at plenty of others who can all take a turn and talk about their romances.

Sehun doesn’t want to talk about Junmyeon’s supposed dating life that isn’t relevant here. It’s hard to even remember how they got on this topic.

“What about you then?” Han asks, the tilt of his smile teasing.

And that’s a topic that Sehun really doesn’t want to go near. Looking up, Sehun draws in a forced gasp and slips on an affronted expression. “I just broke up with Soojung after a whirlwind one minute romance and you’re asking me about my dating life? Have a little heart, Han.”

Across from him, Kyungsoo lets out a soft snort into his plate, and Sehun catches his eye and trades him a small smile. Han bursts out laughing and finally steps back. 

“Fine, fine,” he says, and though Soojung looks a bit taken aback at being brought up again, she also looks less tense. Sehun breathes out slowly. “I won’t push.”

“I appreciate your respect for my romantic privacy,” Sehun tells him, nodding solemnly as Han laughs again, returning to his chair beside Jongdae.

“Thank you,” Soojung tells him later after the plates are clear and they’re settling up the bill, her hand briefly resting against his wrist.

Blinking, Sehun turns to her with his bottom lip bit between his teeth, startled. “For what?” he asks, leaning in a bit to hear her over the clamor of the room.

Soojung just blinks, and startles a moment, before she shakes her head, smiling brightly and steps back, eyes bright and warm as she looks up at him. “Nothing,” she says, and she almost looks relieved as Sehun smiles at her. “Never mind.”

“You’re welcome,” Sehun tells her, and smiles himself, that soft feeling of discomfort smoothing a bit in his chest as Soojung’s smile widens warmly.

Sehun keeps his smile on his face until she’s turned away, called by Jia to take care of her bill, and only then does he let it falter and fade.

It’s gone when he steps out into the cold night air, turned from goodbyes and wishing that he’d just gone home to watch movies with Chanyeol and Jongin that night after all.

At least movie night is simple. It’s boring and repetitive, but Sehun never feels off and exposed to something he didn’t want to see. To things he didn’t want to know but which now nag at him.

“I have enough shit to worry about,” Sehun grumbles under his breath, and then stops in the middle of the sidewalk, realizing that they’d taken a carpool to dinner. That just left. “Shit.”

“Hey popsicle, how was dinner?” Chanyeol asks, pulling up about twenty minutes later with a sleepy Jongin in the front seat.

“Don’t talk to me,” Sehun grumbles, shuffling into the back seat and shivering as he slips into the warmth of the car. “I need to conserve all my energy to restoring feeling to my limbs.”

“Says the guy who stands out in the freezing cold for skiing races,” Chanyeol chuckles as Jongin throws him his coat from the front seat.

“That’s different,” Sehun chatters back. “At least in the races I have something to do. I can’t just run up and down the sidewalk here. I’ll look like an idiot.”

“Sehun, if they knew you, I’m sure they wouldn’t think anything of it,” Chanyeol says in the voice he’d learned in college that basically let him sound like a kind mentoring person while actually being an asshole.

Sehun kicks the back of his seat rather than reply, and closes his eyes, slipping down under Jongin’s jacket, focusing on getting warm and quieting his insistent thoughts of things he never wanted to know.

✦

_It’s a lot like stage fright. The more that people stare, the more Sehun is on stage in nothing but his under armor and spandex, the more that he gets used to the feeling of being hot and freezing at the same time, the less horrific it is._

_It’s also like stage fright in that the more that Sehun gets on his skis for every race, the more he enjoys it. It becomes more thrilling, more invigorating, rewarding with every race._

_“You ready for today?” Jinri asks, slumped over the back of her seat with her arms dangling into Sehun’s space. “Coach says you’re racing third.”_

_“Of course he’s ready,” Jongin scoffs. “He’s been practicing with Taemin since Monday.”_

_“That's because Taemin sucks,” Sehun grumbles, but he glances over at Taemin in the seat opposite them anyway, wondering if he’d heard him._

_It’s less that Taemin sucks and more that Sehun has been trying to seriously practice for this relay and Taemin just thinks it’s funny to_ not cooperate _and instead be infuriating. This race isn’t exactly the qualifying race for states, but it is one of the important races, at least according to Minho._

_“Well, he’s racing ahead of you, so you just have to deal with it,” Jongin tells him, and not for the first time his voice is clipped. Jongin is going to be starting on the other boys section of the race, teamed up with Kyuhyun, as his next skier. Kyuhyun, unlike Minho, isn’t nearly as driven to make sure they can tag off properly._

_Though Sehun thinks Jongin would just rather race with him and Chanyeol rather than have to start for his group. That’s the one thing Sehun is glad of: that Chanyeol is their starter rather than him._

_“He doesn’t take racing seriously,” Sehun grumbles anyway, glancing over at where Taemin is laughing at something Chanyeol is playing on his guitar. “It’s so annoying, why did Coach put him on a race team if he doesn’t care?”_

_“Because we’re all supposed to race, princess,” Jinri snorts, and Sehun scowls at her when she tries to ruffle his hair. “Lighten up. It’ll be fun! Plus, the race is only a two K so it should great for sprints.”_

_“You’re forgetting about Old Jo,” Minho says, slipping into the seat behind Sehun and Jongin. Sehun jumps, turning around quickly to find Minho smiling almost tauntingly before he slips back down into his seat._

_Jongin is frowning. “What’s Old Jo?”_

_“Only the second largest hill on the race courses aside from our States’ course,” Minho says nonchalantly as Sehun’s stomach drops._

_“What?” Sehun had been looking forward to this race all week. Now? Maybe not so much._

_It’s worse because he’s tagging off with Minho to finish for their group. So if he sucks, it’ll bring down the whole team and Minho might hate him._

_“You’ll be fine,” Minho says. “Just remember to breathe.” Jinri snorts as Minho grins and reaches forward to ruffle both Jongin and Sehun’s hair. “And, you know, don’t screw up. Because then I’ll have to punish you.”_

_“Punish?” Sehun squeaks, as Jongin slips down and nearly out of the bus seat with a petulant frown._

_“On the bus ride back,” Minho laughs, and Sehun’s stomach flip flops about like the pancakes he had for breakfast. “So don’t make us lose. Ski your hardest.”_

_“Don’t look so scared, he’s just poking fun at you because you’re such an easy target,” Jinri tells Sehun when Minho moves off, dragged away by Sojin._

_“That’s because Sehun’s so much fun to tease,” Taemin calls, slipping into Minho’s vacated place behind them. Sehun frowns, leaning away before Taemin can try to ruffle his hair too, and scowling at him._

_“Don’t touch me,” Sehun grumbles, and yelps when Taemin launches into his and Jongin’s seat to tackle him, laughing as Jongin squawks and Sehun gets Taemin’s elbow in his ear and it is_ not okay _._

_“Get off me!”_

_“Break it up!” shouts from the front of the bus, their Coach’s stern voice shocking through all of them and Sehun stiffens even as his pulse burns hot, trying to shove Taemin off._

_Taemin is still trying not to laugh when Jongin and Sehun shove him back into his seat, Jongin laughing a bit and Sehun glowering. “Asshole,” Sehun grumbles._

_“Hey, you need to rely on me today,” Taemin tells him, and doesn’t leave his seat. “I’m the one going before you, remember? And you can’t start your race until I tag you.” Sehun turns, tuning him out and leaning against the window side of the bus. The metal is cool from the cold outside, the glass frosted and it burns frigid against Sehun’s cheek. “Hey.”_

_“Whatever,” Sehun grumbles, shoving off Taemin’s hand roughly when it lands on his shoulder. The hand comes back, holding harder and Sehun jerks, turning sharply to snap and freezes when he sees Chanyeol’s concerned face, backing off very quickly. Swallowing down the sudden rush of guilt, Sehun freezes. “Sorry.”_

_“You okay?” Chanyeol asks, and this time Sehun doesn’t jerk away when Chanyeol lays his hand on his shoulder comfortingly._

_“Yeah,” Sehun lies, trying to push down the crawl of worms he doesn’t really know why he has. Taemin is always a jerk, even if he’d gotten better at not being a jerk, he’s still a jerk. “I’m fine.”_

_“Ignore Taemin,” Chanyeol says gently, and tries to smile. “He’s just being a dick so he doesn’t have to think about the race.”_

_Sehun snorts. Taemin kind of makes it impossible for Sehun to ignore him. Across the aisle on the bus, Taemin and Jongin are squashed together, both talking about something and laughing and Sehun frowns._

_It doesn't make sense to him that Taemin is nice to Jongin but such a dick to him. Sure, Sehun might not have been the friendliest to Taemin, but that’s mostly because Taemin acts like it’s his job in life to push his buttons._

_“Whatever,” Sehun sighs, and turns back to rest his cheek on the window. “Are you gonna be okay?”_

_“With the race?” Chanyeol asks, sitting back in the seat and leaning over so their shoulders rest together. “Probably. Mass starts aren’t so bad once you’ve done at least one. They’re more exciting, and you don’t feel like everyone is staring at you.”_

_“I thought that would be the downside of it for you,” Sehun teases, and smiles as Chanyeol snorts. He squeaks a moment later when Chanyeol pinches his side, wiggling away and laughing as Chanyeol grins, poking him in the side playfully._

_“Twenty minutes!” shouts from the front of the bus, and Sehun chokes down breathless laughter as Chanyeol pulls away._

_At first, it had shocked Sehun into bright red cheeks and fearful looks when he’d found out the team,_ the whole team _, gets changed on the bus before arriving at the race area. Usually the boys grab all their stuff and shift about five seats up, leaving the girls the back of the bus while they change._

_But then it had just kind of turned into a bit of a free for all, and Sehun sometimes just ends up seeing more of people than he wanted to in the first place. It’s not hard to miss the looks some of the girls will sneak, and it’s definitely not hard to catch the boys making a few comments (though most of them are too busy complaining about how their boxers bunch up under the spandex)._

_“Next race,” Taemin sighs, struggling into his leggings in the seat beside Sehun. “I swear I’m just gonna wear briefs.”_

_“Panties would work better,” Jongin says, and Sehun nearly falls out of his seat as Kyuhyun bursts out laughing. Glancing up at his best friend in the seat across from him, Jongin’s cheeks are burning pink and he looks almost traumatized that he’d actually said that out loud while Chanyeol beside him looks a mix between amused and incessantly curious._

_“You let us know how racing in panties goes, Jongin, and we’ll all take notes for our own choices,” Minho laughs, tugging off his sweatshirt, his undershirt riding up and flashing his hard toned abs. Sehun looks away, tugging his leggings up and grimacing when his boxers do indeed bunch up uncomfortably. His throat sticks._

_Jongin mumbles something, and Chanyeol laughs loudly._

_“Hey.”_

_Sehun looks up, and immediately frowns when he sees Taemin leaning over the back of his seat, shirtless and grinning like an the asshole he is. “We okay?”_

_“No,” Sehun tells him bluntly, and then falters at the strange look that briefly flashes over his face. “Are you going to actually race or just dick around?”_

_“I was always going to race,” Taemin tells him, and looks slightly taken aback. Then he laughs, and straightens up. “You’re just so much fun to tease. Do you have any idea of all the ways your face moves? It’s hilarious.”_

_“Lay off,” Sehun tells him sharply, irritation spiking again._

_“Hey,” comes Minho’s sharp voice, and Sehun’s throat tightens as he turns to their team captain. Minho isn’t laughing, but he’s not frowning. He just looks serious. Serious with his shirt half off and in the skin tight black leggings he uses just for racing._

_Sehun locks his jaw, keeping his eyes on his captain’s face respectfully even as his stomach burns in irritation and the feeling of being called out._

_“I was just-“_

_“Leave it for after the race,” Minho says firmly, his eyes flickering to Taemin. “Then we can fool around. We don’t need to go into this all jazzed up and pissed at each other. This is a team race. We need to work together, and that means not fighting and being assholes before the start. Got it?”_

_Sehun ducks his head, frowning and feeling too warm, his chest burning in embarrassment and annoyance. It wasn’t even him that did anything wrong, it was Taemin, and yet he’s still getting yelled at. He breathes out hotly, biting his lip and blinking back frustration as he hastily drags his shirt over his head._

_There isn’t another word from Taemin, and Sehun makes a point not to look at him or go near him for the rest of the bus ride, even if he_ can _feel Taemin watching him and hear him try to goad him into conversation._

_It’s not until they’re out on the arena, Sehun’s coat doing little to keep him warm when his legs have nothing to protect them against the cold when he’s in just spandex, that Taemin blocks him. “Hey, Mr. pouts.”_

_“Go away,” Sehun can feel the same insistent heat, wanting to just get away and get his race bib and-_

_“I’m sorry.” The look on Taemin’s face indicates he doesn’t like saying he’s sorry, but he’s doing it anyway. “Can you stop now?”_

_“You’re not sorry,” Sehun tells him hotly, frowning and finally facing him. “If you were really sorry, you’d just stop. It’s not funny.”_

_“It kind of is,” Taemin tries, mouth curling up in a teasing smile._

_“Not to me,” Sehun tells him harshly._

_“Okay,” Taemin says._

_“Okay what?” Sehun doesn’t have time for this. Chanyeol is lining up for the mass start with Hyukjae and Sehun wants to be there to cheer him on with Jongin and support his friend. Chanyeol is way more important than Taemin is._

_“Okay, I’ll try to stop.”_

_“Trying isn’t actually stopping,” Sehun tells him, frowning and feeling his irritation burn hotter at Taemin’s somewhat indignant expression. Like Sehun is the one being the problem, not him. Which is total bullshit._

_For a moment, Sehun thinks Taemin is going to say something when he pushes past him, walking towards the starting area where his skis and poles are. He doesn’t though, and it’s almost worse, like Taemin is just going to bide his time to mess with him._

_The race whistle blows and Sehun’s mood plummets._

_“You okay?” Jinri asks, noticing the glower on Sehun’s face as he finally gets to the start. He’s already missed the mass start, and he can see Jongin getting antsy for when he has to race after tagging off with Chanyeol once the first racers get back from their loop._

_“Fine,” Sehun says, and closes his eyes, pushing down the irritation. It doesn’t mix well with the typical race anxiety, and he shakes his head to clear his mind. It helps a little. Not much, but a little. “I’m fine.”_

_“Hey.” Sehun’s stomach writhes, watching the racers line up as a familiar arm slips around his shoulders, heavy and as comforting as it is nerve-wracking. “Just ignore him.”_

_“Easy for you to say,” Sehun sighs under his breath, hanging his head and not looking at Minho when the senior steps up to his side and loops him into a side hug. “He’s not badgering you all the time.”_

_“He can’t make you ski a bad race,” Minho says, and taps his fingers against Sehun’s jacket sleeve, against his arm. Even through the thick material, Sehun can feel his fingers. “Only you can really make sure you ski a bad race or not. It’s not you and Taemin out there, it’s you against you, and only you. Forget about him.”_

_“But-“_

_“Just don’t forget about yourself,” Minho tells him, and when Sehun accidentally looks up, the warmth in Minho’s smile makes his stomach knot uncomfortably. “Or me, because, you know, I need you to tag off so I can finish our race.”_

_It startles a nervous laugh out of Sehun. He doesn’t feel entirely better, in many ways worse, but it kind of helps. Minho is trying, and Sehun is grateful, and warmer and… “I promise, I won’t forget you,” he says, and swallows down the tightness in his throat before it can choke him._

_Minho is the captain. He mentors all the skiers, helping them out and making sure they’re okay. Sehun has watched him do it for all the boys. Jongin when he gets frustrated with his technique, Chanyeol when he’s tired and looks like he’s struggling. Even Taemin in the rare moments Sehun has caught the captain stopping by the sophomore to give him a leg up._

_Sehun isn’t special. Sehun doesn’t mean anything. Sehun is just…_

_Scared._

_Minho laughs, and pulls away to ruffle his hair, a fond look on his face as Sehun bows into the touch unintentionally. His stomach clenches uncomfortably and he bites down on his tongue hard. “I knew you were my favorite,” Minho laughs, and Sehun tries not to blush when he smiles._

_Sehun is just… Sehun._

_“You’re gonna be okay,” Minho tells him, and steps away to go and get his bib from where Song Qian is standing with their coach and holding their equipment._

_Sehun can only nod, standing with his legs freezing and toes slightly numb despite his thick socks and feeling too hot and too cold and too nervous and too excited for the race. And everything else._

_“Okay,” he says quietly, even though no one else can hear him except himself. “If you say so.”_

❉

In one week, the whole team is going to be going up to the Nordic center at Monarch and taking the day to properly learn skiing in a real course area. In one week, Junmyeon will be taking the alpine team up to Monarch and drilling them on the hills and race courses for slalom the whole day.

It had been a long conversation between all of the coaches and assistant coaches about how to approach the day (Junmyeon relented to a Saturday, that he would ‘share’ with Sehun) with regards to the alpine team members who were on Nordic.

It had ended up in a draw, with Junmyeon finally saying “I’ll think about it” after almost two hours of conversation over specifics and Sehun had almost missed lasagna night.

While the team has been doing steadily better on classic since they got snow, this week had seen a warm spell, which meant not enough snow for the tracks and very wound up kids.

Solution?

“Mr. Oh!” shouts Jeongguk from one of the far benches, his voice bordering on a panicked shriek and stressfully force calm.

“Yes?” Sehun asks, and steps away from helping Sooyoung iron wax into the tips of her skis.

“Is it supposed to smoke when we do this?” Jeongguk yelps, and holds up his waxing iron with a sort of terrified look on his face.

“No,” Sehun says quickly, and pulls back when Jeongguk makes to hand him the iron. “Put it down, Jeongguk, so I can pick it up.”

Jeongguk realizes what he’s done, and quickly stoops to put the waxing iron down on the tarp covered floor so Sehun can figure out what’s going on.

The solution to the team too wound up to properly do anything remotely useful outside when there’s still some snow (and the very real temptation of a snowball fight) was to run a full waxing demo. It’s actually perfect, great for the boys who absorb it like a sponge (in the back of Sehun’s mind is flashing “tactile learners!” in neon) and the girls who appear to understand the importance of not burning each other far better than the boys.

The downside of a waxing demo is that this time, _everyone_ is waxing both of their skis, sharing waxing benches and tools, and there are six waxing irons just waiting to cause severe burns. So far, only Yugyeom had managed to burn his fingers on a small piece of wax (that Jaebum had stupidly given him to use instead of a full brick of wax). 

Just like snow consistency changes with temperature, Nordic skis are waxed to maximize their glide according to the temperature. Warmer snow, wetter and stickier, requires a softer wax that will easily glide over it. Cold temperatures with fine ice crystals and powder do better with a harder wax, sliding through the snow quickly.

As Sehun has no idea when the next snow will be (though it’s forecast for the weekend), a good waxing demo on a medium temperature wax ends up being the best solution. With the special waxing irons set up and explained by himself, Sunyoung, and finally Seokjin, the team had set to work.

“Who set this iron?” Sehun asks, frowning as he looks at the temperature setting, stuck at _least_ fifty degrees hotter than it should be.

“Uh,” Jeongguk says, and his eyes flash around the room before he bites his lip. “I don’t know? I just took the bench after-“ he stops himself and pulls a very exaggerated face. “I don’t remember.”

“Okay.” It’s easier to just get to the issue rather than get name calling going. Jeongguk isn’t the type to tattle (unlike Jimin or Sooyoung) and Sehun is more concerned for who scorched their skis earlier. “Do you see the wax?” Jeongguk holds up his pink brick of wax. “That’s for a specific temperature. We set the irons to temperatures for that wax so it irons into the ski easily and doesn’t hurt the ski or burn the wax. We just want to melt it into the bottom, not set stuff on fire.”

Jeongguk flat out giggles at him, and Sehun assumes this means progress.

“Got it?” Sehun asks, clicking down the dial on the iron for Jeongguk before he puts the iron back on the floor.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk says.

“And you know the steps?” Sehun asks, lingering before he moves on to the other skiers.

“Yep!” Jeongguk says. “And Jimin promised to teach me if I screwed up.”

“Alright.” Keeping an eye on Jeongguk as he goes back to his skis, Sehun takes a moment to make sure he’s ironing in the wax correctly. Most of the other skiers have already finished, moving onto their second pair of skis (classic) and doing some strength exercises.

So far, most of the team has done a good job with the ironing part of waxing. Carefully holding the wax to the iron surface and dripping it onto the bottom of the ski (clamped to a waxing bench), they understand the concept and practice of ironing in the wax to the ski. Taehyung had happily chirped it was like ironing curtains and gotten a few strange looks (Sehun tried not to wonder out loud why Taehyung ironed curtains in the first place). But that was the basic concept.

The second part is where the team struggled a bit. After _waiting_ (which is a struggle for literally everyone. Sehun isn’t deluded enough to think adults aren’t just as impatient as kids. Jongin is a perfect example of that), they had to scrape the wax off the skis.

This is pretty easy in concept, using one of the hard plastic SWIX scrapers, angling the edge against the waxed surface of the ski, and dragging down, scraping up the excess wax. The practice (for some of the team) was a battle to not completely gouge the skis. It had been somewhat horrifying to find out even the older members weren’t as familiar with the ‘do not destroy the ski when you wax it’ concept.

After scraping as much wax as possible off the ski, the rest was easy. Clean out the groove with a dog bone (a special scraper shaped similarly to a dog bone, using the rounded edge to scrape the groove) and then ‘brush the skis.’

The brushes are similar to shoe brushes, though with special bristles just for Nordic skis. And of course, the whole team seized the opportunity to make the entire thing as inappropriate as possible.

“You need to rub harder,” had started it when Jackson had been mentoring Yugyeom. Jackson, of course, had looked extremely pleased with his comment and Yugyeom’s confused face before he burst out laughing, turning to anyone who would laugh with him and slapping them to join in appreciating how hilariously suggestive he was.

It had then developed into as many variations as possible.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Hoseok is saying, voice intentionally pitched lower as he leans way too close to Jimin and grins at Jimin’s beet red face. “Rub it out real nice and good.”

“I _swear_ to God,” Hwasa says, stopping as she brushes out her ski and raising her brush to (potentially) beat Hoseok with. “The joke was funny _once_. Now it’s just annoying.”

“I still think it’s funny,” Taehyung adds, walking by with his classic skis and setting one up on the opposite side of the bench as Jimin.

“Yeah, and you think when Jeongguk can blow bubbles of spit off his tongue it’s the coolest thing in the world,” Hwasa scoffs, turning back to her ski.

“It _is_ cool!” Taehyung defends, standing up and looking indignant at Hwasa’s never ending eye roll. “I bet you can’t blow spit bubbles off your tongue!”

“What else can Jeongguk do with his tongue?” asks Jimin, immediately turning to Hoseok to apparently try to share a ‘wow suggestive hilarity’ comment with him. Hoseok just gives him a distasteful look and steps away from him.

“That was uncalled for, Jimin,” Hoseok tells him, and feigns retching on Jimin’s ski. “Disgusting. What if he heard you? Such language.” Hoseok exaggeratedly pulls another face and Sehun bites down a laugh.

“You’re one to talk!” Sooyoung snorts, stepping up beside Hwasa. “Aren’t you the one that started all of this?”

“Just go back to waxing and make sure to get those skis nice and smooth,” Sehun chimes in, walking past them and throwing them a pointed look. They all stare, Sehun keeping his face as straight as he possibly can. “What?” he asks, and then turns to continue doing rounds around the equipment room.

Behind him, he hears Hoseok snort into poorly suppressed laughter, doubling over and Sehun glances back to see utter glee on his face. 

“Don’t encourage them,” Sungyoung tells him, stepping up to him a moment later and her arms crossed over her chest.

“They have to get it out somehow,” Sehun says quietly, shrugging as he looks over the team. He can see Hoseok leaning over Taehyung and saying what looks like “rub it in, rub it in” into his ear as Taehyung _giggles_ with the frequency of a bass machine. “Might as well be here and not class.”

“Still,” Sunyoung says, though her mouth twitches in amusement.

“As long as I don’t have foul language, they can explore the versatility of language and it’s many uses as much as they want,” Sehun sighs. “It’s creative development. I haven’t even heard some of the ones they’ve been using today.”

“This is so stupid,” Sehun overhears Yerim sigh, stepping back from her ski in frustration. “Can’t we just spray the skis or something to make them go faster?”

“What you’re really making is the wax absorb into the ski base,” Sehun tells her, stepping closer. “The whole point of rubbing the wax into the ski is to make sure you get the best glide when you’re on the snow.” The worst part, Sehun realizes as soon as he’s explained this, is how Jackson is staring at him like Sehun has just spewed every piece of profanity known to man.

“My arms hurt,” Yerim grumbles, but goes back to brushing out her ski anyway.

“I know a few ways you can get stronger,” Hyeri teases and then quails under Sehun’s pointed look. “Push ups! Lots of push ups!”

“How thoughtful of you,” Sehun tells her dryly, and Hyeri gives him a shaky smile before turning back to her ski quickly.

Really, it only gets worse after that (mostly because the boys can’t seem to find it hilarious to tell each other “yeah, baby, rub it just like that” over and over), and Sehun grimaces as the end of practice comes and goes.

“Wrap it up!” Sehun shouts over the room, mostly done with a few of the older and more experienced waxers packing up to leave. “Finish waxing and clean up!”

“Why?” Taehyung asks, stopping by as he puts away the waxing tools he’d been using.

“Because I want to go home and eat,” Sehun tells him flatly.

“Is that what teacher’s really do after school?” Taehyung asks him, squinting as if he’s not sure if Sehun is telling the truth or not.

“Yah, not everyone is an alien, TaeTae,” Hoseok laughs, slipping over to pull Taehyung into a headlock and lead him off. “Have a good night, Mr. Oh!” he calls, before wrestling with a laughing Taehyung out the door.

It’s an hour after usual practice end when Sehun finally gets the equipment room cleaned up, Jaebum staying late to help him out with the tarps with Seulgi before they’d gone home together. Sehun lets his eyes linger on them, the way they chat and smile with each other, getting along so well with Seulgi laughing at Jaebum’s awkward jokes.

He smiles to himself, turning back to grab his own work bag before heading out, locking the door. Sunyoung had left earlier, and Sehun sighs as he steps into the almost twilight and bitter cold.

“Shit.”

Tonight was supposed to be a fun night for the house. Jongin and Chanyeol are pretty good in all honestly. As much as Sehun had initially thought it would be weird when Taemin moved out, just living with the couple, it’s been fine. Sure, there are awkward moments when Sehun feels distinctly like a third wheel or over exposed to their relationship, but it’s not as bad as some couples could be. And Chanyeol and Jongin are first and foremost his friends, and they care.

Tonight was supposed to be a night the three of them went out. The plans had gotten garbled during the day, Chanyeol wanting to go out and Jongin wanting to stay and Sehun missing texts in between.

Of course, Sehun immediately regrets not checking his phone before going home when he walks into the apartment and finds his roommates on top of each other in the living room. It’s not like Sehun hasn’t seen it before, Jongin and Chanyeol trading kisses and touches as part of their everyday lifestyle.

It’s just usually they’re wearing shirts and Sehun doesn’t have to see-

“Oh my God.” Jongin is the first one to notice, Sehun already backing out of the room with his hand over his face.

Somehow, even after the time he’d walked in on them having sex in college in a way Sehun didn’t even know you _could_ have sex, it’s still like being slapped in the face whenever he’s in this situation.

“Fine!” Sehun calls, accidentally backing into the wall as he tries to retreat. “My bad. Should have checked my phone.”

“Shit, Sehun-“

Peeking through his fingers, they’re already half decent, Jongin tucked under a blanket with his face bright red and Chanyeol holding down laughter. “You know, you'd think after almost ten years I’d be used to this but I still-“ Sehun takes in a deep breath.

“We thought –“

“We’ll talk later,” Sehun says, and sighs, running his hand through his hair. “I’m- I need to go out for a drink anyway. You have the house to yourselves, just-“ He swallows, feeling warm with embarrassment and hearing Chanyeol’s soft laughter. “Please move it off the couch. I sit there on a regular basis.”

It’s easier to leave before they try to make him stay. It’s not often that this happens, where the schedules crash and Sehun accidentally stumbles in on one of their ‘couple nights’ and comes home to his roommates furiously making out half naked on the couch. But it happens.

Almost every time, Sehun finds it a much easier solution to just get a drink. It’s also almost every time that Sehun ends up on the phone as he walks hastily through the cold listening to the call ring out.

“Sehun?”

“Hey,” Sehun tries to sound casual, even as his voice shakes from walking so fast. “What are you up to tonight?”

“Were they screwing in the kitchen again?” Minseok chuckles, and Sehun coughs out a laugh, the knowing tone from Minseok making it easier.

“Living room,” Sehun corrects and allows himself a smile. “And not quite to screwing, but if I’d been a few minutes later-“

“Say no more,” Minseok laughs. “I could use a few drinks after today, actually, I’m glad you called.”

Apparently, Minseok’s school has been running a new integration program. It’s got good intentions, but the organization of the rotation system is chaos among the actual teachers. Students get lost, classes get confused, and today apparently Minseok had both his coordinating teacher break down on him and one student have a full on meltdown in the classroom during silent reading time.

“Remind me why I decided to teach fifth grade instead of first this year?” Minseok sighs, sitting back at his seat with a tired stretch.

“Less potty accidents,” “Sehun suggests. He’s not serious, but Minseok knows that and laughs anyway, slowly unwinding. “Plus, it’s much easier to get fifth graders to line up without too much crying than it is first graders.”

“When did they all get so tall though?” Minseok asks, shaking his head and squinting at Sehun. “I swear, they make kids younger and taller every year.”

“It’s to keep us on our toes,” Sehun tells him, tipping back his second drink. He feels softer, warmer and more relaxed, the essays from his sophomores much less agonizing to go through. Of course, Sehun has to keep from writing what he really wants to say in the margins, but so far the essays are much better than last time.

Or Sehun is a little drink.

Probably both.

“You could just move out.” When Sehun looks up, Minseok is staring at him with a small frown, eyes somewhere around his collarbone. “I mean, Taemin did. And you could easily hold your own. In your own place. A house. Or something.”

“And here I was thinking you were asking me to be your roommate,” Sehun sighs, wanting to laugh but it doesn’t come. He’s been living with Chanyeol and Jongin since university. To leave feels…

“No way,” Minseok laughs. “You have zero respect for fabric softener. You’re not allowed in my house.”

“That’s because you don’t actually _need_ fabric softener,” Sehun sighs, so tempted to roll his eyes at his friend. “Look, you just need the clothes to be clean, right?”

“I can’t believe we are still having this conversation.”

“Why does it need to be extra soft when it’s fine already,” Sehun continues to mumble, poking in the water puddle from the condensation on his glass. “It’s just the most redundant thing. _And_ you buy the detergent that already has fabric softener in it already, so there’s _literally_ not reason to use fabric softener in the dryer as well.”

“Sehun.”

“I’m just saying,” Sehun mumbles, turning back to Minseok with a noncommittal look.

“You’re dead to me,” Minseok tells him lightly, and laughs when Sehun rolls his eyes. 

“Whatever, I’m not moving out,” Sehun says, the words just slipping off his tongue even as his stomach turns slightly in discomfort. “At least, not yet.”

They’ve talked about this, Sehun bringing it up to both Chanyeol and Jongin about how they might be happier if he left, if he let them have their own space. Without him. It makes him feel off, like he can’t be the one bringing it up even if he’s the only one who has the balls to talk about it in the first place.

It would be easier. Then he wouldn’t come home to them and they’d have their own space. And Sehun would have his.

Alone.

_You have to grow up sometime, Sehun. You can’t depend on other people to take care of you forever._

Sehun frowns, closing his eyes from the loud noise of the bar and the lights that feel too dim, giving him a headache as he strains to hear and see.

“I am an adult,” Sehun tells the voice that swims in his head, not realizing he’d said it aloud until Minseok touches his shoulder.

“Sehun,” Minseok tells him. “You’re fine.”

“I know,” Sehun tells him, the confidence in his voice false but it helps. “I’ve always been fine.”

“Even that time you fell off the chairlift?”

“That was totally your fault,” Sehun tells him, trying to push down the memory of how he’d fallen off the chairlift the first time Minseok took him out while screaming. At least the lift attendant had been amused. “I’m still traumatized by that.”

“Too traumatized to come up this year?” Minseok asks him, eyes hinting with a flicker Sehun knows too well.

“That depends,” Sehun hedges. 

Every year, right around the New Year, Minseok hosts a huge group of people up at one of the local ski areas, most everyone pooling resources to pay for a huge ski house condo to crash in for three days or so. It’s fun, and Sehun has gone the past few years, getting slowly better at skiing and meeting new friends alike. Chanyeol and Jongin usually go, and sometimes a few of the other skiers from Sehun’s high school days along with Minseok’s usual group.

“We have room,” Minseok tells him. “And I finally got Changmin and Kyuhyun to cave and they’re coming too. So you and your Nordic friends can go play for a drop day while we conquer the mountain. Plus, the more people, the less you pay.”

“And sleep on the floor,” Sehun reminds of his first year on the trip.

“Nah, you get a bed,” Minseok chuckles, finishing his drink and sitting back. “I’ve got it pretty much completely figured out that everyone has a bed. And you’re a returning member, so you’re promised a real bed this time.”

“I’m holding you too that,” Sehun grumbles, but allows a smile at Minseok’s grinning face.

“So you’re in?”

“I don’t have anything else to do over the Holiday break, I may as well make sure Taemin doesn’t try to jump off the roof again,” Sehun shrugs. “I could probably do with a change of pace.”

A break from school, from coaching, from the pressure of the school and the kids and the meaningful looks Chanyeol will throw him at least once a week now. Sehun could use a break, a weekend of just playing up North with Minseok and the gang (of typically almost thirty people).

It’d probably do him good.

“I knew you’d see the light eventually,” Minseok says with a smile. “And it’ll be nice. I have a few new people this year. Taemin is bringing his girlfriend and that friend of yours is coming too.”

Frowning, and turning from where he’d drifted back to his essays, Sehun shakes his head, trying to figure what Minseok is talking about. “A friend of mine?”

“That other teacher,” Minseok clarifies.

“Minseok, I work with over one hundred teachers, you’re going to need to be more specific,” Sehun tells him. “Let’s start with the easy parts. Was it a man or a woman?”

Minseok clicks his tongue, one tease away from shoving Sehun, and Sehun grins, finally finishing the last of his drink. It slides down warm into his belly to curl up through him, smoothing out the rough edges that had begun to build up over the year.

“That other skier,” Minseok says. “The guy from the ski sale.”

If Sehun had still been finishing his drink, he would have choked. As it is, he just coughs, that warm feeling sharpening suddenly as he stares at Minseok. “Junmyeon?”

“Yeah,” Minseok says, and looks almost pleased with himself. “He and I got chatting the other day in the store and he’s pretty chill.” _You have no idea how ‘chill’ he is_ , flashes through Sehun’s mind as he keeps his mouth sealed shut. “I asked him if he’d like to join and he’s in.”

“Oh,” Sehun says, the warmth from the alcohol twisting into something different.

“He seems nice,” Minseok muses, not looking at him. Sehun swallows. “And he used to race too.”

Blinking, Sehun looks back up. “He did?”

“Yeah,” Minseok says, and laughs at the confused frown on Sehun’s face. “Said he was just like me, almost an Olympic qualifier. I thought you knew.”

Sitting up a bit and turning back to his drink, Sehun scoffs, feeling his stomach twist tighter. “Of course, I knew. I was just testing you.”

“Bull shit,” Minseok laughs.

“Whatever,” Sehun grumbles. Slipping his fingers along the cool side of his empty glass Sehun wonders, not for the first time, about Junmyeon. “I’m glad you’ve made a friend, Minseok. I know how hard that is for you.”

“Brat,” Minseok scolds affectionately.

“Only to you,” Sehun tells him. “Because I care so much. It’s my duty to remind you that your students are still going to be brats not matter how old they are in life, and you’ll always be older than them and doing stupid things like putting extra fabric softener in your laundry.”

“And you’ll always be the kid who gets sexiled from his dorm room by his two best friends,” Minseok throws back.

“That hurt,” Sehun tells him, squinting. “That went deep, man. I ache.”

“Get a boyfriend,” Minseok laughs. “Then maybe you won’t be the odd man out and can show Chanyeol and Jongin what it’s like when they-“

“Stop,” Sehun tells him, the warm curling gone, tightening in his gut.

“It’s okay to find someone else,” Minseok tells him gently. “Not everyone-“

“I know,” Sehun cuts him off, and forces a smile over his face. “I know.”

❉

There are good things and bad things about teaching. Usually, the rewards far out weight the bad moments, the feeling of pride at watching students succeed. It’s a position where the results aren’t just on paper, they’re sitting in chairs and slowly developing, learning, and growing. The success isn’t if one person did a good job, but if the class understands the lesson and is using the concepts correctly.

The success is when Yugyeom finally understands what idioms are and begins using them all the time.

The success is Yerim finally writing a perfectly organized five paragraph essay with no fragmented sentences.

The reward is watching Yibo submit a project and ask to present it to the class on _The Odyssey_ and his interpretation of what ‘a hero’ means to him.

But then there are hard days, days when students just don’t want to be there, when Sehun can’t feel like he’s reaching them, and they struggle and he watches and tries to help. There are days when Sehun feels like he’s failed, and it’s worse than any exam he’s ever flunked because it’s not a paper or an assessment that he did badly on, it’s another person that is depending on him.

There are really hard days, when Sehun is suddenly in way over his head and realizes that even after years of preparing and studying and trying to get better, he has no idea what he’s doing.

There are days like today, where Sehun had tried to stop Donghyun from swearing at a few of the other students and threatening them. Sehun had tried to get control of the class back, send Donghyun to the office, and Donghyun had thrown his desk across the room at him.

There are days like today, when Sehun is both suddenly scared he’d can’t do this, where a student suddenly comes at him and in a second he has to force himself from reacting and hurting Donghyun.

There are days like today that Sehun gets punched in the jaw before he can manage to restrain Donghyun, where half his class is yelling, and when Jia bursts into the room with wide worried eyes.

There are days that Sehun fails, and he’s not sure if he’s the one that caused the break, or if this is something that has just been brewing, and he’s the outlet.

“Take a break,” Jia tells him once Kangin has come to the room with the help of Siwon and Minwoo to get Donghyun down to the disciplinary office. “I’ll call one of the Ed. Techs down.”

“I’m fine,” Sehun tells her, still shaken slightly and looking over his class. Half of them look startled, most of them slightly scared, and a few already have their phones out, texting friends.

Sehun can already imagine the texts. The texts and the phone calls from home.

“Sehun,” Jia begins, frowning at him as she pokes him in the forming bruise from where Donghyun had hit him.

“I’ll be okay,” Sehun tells her, and smiles shakily, trying to keep himself calm. It doesn’t matter what happens, or how scared Sehun is, being in the classroom isn’t about him. It’s about the kids all looking at him and waiting for him to tell them it’s okay, that they’re safe. “We’re all okay, right? No one else is gonna throw a desk? We can cross that off of our to do list for this year?”

“I didn’t know we had a to do list,” Chansik says, his voice joking but he still looks a bit shaken. “What else is on there?”

“A poetry recital,” Sehun tells the class, tone serious and as much as his usual self as he can be after having a student come at him. It gets him a few smiles, a few laughs, and Jimin groaning loudly from the back.

“I vote we _not_ finish this list,” Jimin groans, slipping down in his chair in the back.

“But it’d be fun,” Sehun insists. “You can all write your own versions of Emily Dickenson and then-“

“Can we write our own poems?” Chansik asks.

“If the topic is appropriate,” Sehun tells him, slipping back into stride. It’s easier to do, to shut down the part of him that’s still shaking when he’s got the class’s attention. “Is it appropriate?”

“Define appropriate,” Chansik asks slowly.

“Something that is reasonably calculated to confer educational benefit,” Sehun says automatically, and watches with a bit of internal satisfaction as Chansik’s face falls. “Is it appropriate?”

“Never mind,” Chansik mumbles.

Looking around at the class, Sehun tries not to just let go for a second. “Alright, let’s go easy for the rest of the day. It’s been a rough one. I want all of you to write yourself a letter.”

“A letter?” Hwasa asks, frowning at him.

“Yes,” Sehun says. “We’re finishing up _The Scarlet Letter_ , and I want all of you to write about something that has been hard for you.”

“Anything?” Hweein asks, almost sounding intrigued. Sehun lets out a soft breath.

“If you are comfortable writing about it,” Sehun tells her. “Write something that was hard for you, where you felt like you couldn’t get help, like how Hester felt. It doesn't have to be long or detailed, but just something that you can think of.”

“That’s it?” Jimin asks.

“Until the end of class,” Sehun says, giving him a soft smile, the skin stretching around his jaw and letting off a small dull ache. It doesn’t take long for the students to get to the assignment. There are only about fifteen minutes before the class ends, and Sehun lets out a soft breath, pulling out his computer as the class works to write up a report.

He’ll probably hear from Boa before the end of the day, have to come in and give a report about the incident in class today. On all grounds, Donghyun is up for suspension with his behavior.

It’s just that Sehun has been watching him deteriorate, knowing that things at home aren’t great, and trying to talk to his family is a nightmare. _Just hit him,_ had been the response when Sehun had called Donghyun’s father. _I would if you wouldn’t report me to the DHS_.

Closing his eyes, Sehun focuses on his breathing, on the scratching of pencils over paper, and the sounds of his students to keep him grounded as a part of him wants to unbalance.

When the bell rings for the next class, Sehun dismisses his students, laughing and reminding them of their homework, and shepherding them to lunch where he has duty with Himchan and Daehyun. Despite the lunch he’d actually bothered to make from home, Sehun doesn’t eat, instead just watching over the cafeteria.

It’s easier to focus on that, and Sehun almost wishes that he didn’t have a free period after lunch, that he had more classes, more work to do, to keep his mind busy. It helps when Boa comes up to him as lunch is ending and pulls him to the office for a report. It’s easier to just explain what happened so the school can write up a report, and Sehun catches sigh of Donghyun in the other room.

“Can I talk to him?” Sehun asks, watching as Donghyun scowls at his hands and sits slumped in his chair.

“Not today,” Boa tells him. “He’s not talking to anyone right now actually. We’re waiting for his parents to pick him up.”

Sehun grimaces. “They’re not going to pick him up, you know that right?”

Boa sighs, looking over at Donghyun with worry and years of looking over thousands of students lining her face. “I know,” she says. “But we can’t just release him until the end of school. Someone has to care about him.”

Those words are the ones that stick as Sehun ends up back in his classroom, brushing off Zhou Mi, the guidance counselor, when he’d offered to talk for a bit. Sehun just needs time, and space, and something to do.

Sehun needs to be on a treadmill running until his thoughts stop moving, until his system calms down. Sehun needs to be out on the trails and pushing everything that went wrong today through his arms as he pushes faster and faster and harder and harder up hills and along flats.

Sehun needs-

A soft knock on his door has Sehun jerking, looking up and rattled from his thoughts. “What are you doing here?” probably isn’t the most welcoming of things to say, but Sehun doesn’t really have the energy to be welcoming right now. Especially not to Junmyeon, who has been flip flopping back and forth on him about the bussing and team divisions for the training day.

“Saying hi,” Junmyeon says, and almost looks apologetic as he walks into the room. Which Sehun didn’t say he could do, and a part of Sehun almost wants to snap at him to just get out, and stop making today harder than it is right now.

Breathe.

“Hi,” Sehun says, and tries to smile. It doesn’t quite work though and he ends up closing his eyes, letting it go as he sits back in his chair.

“I heard you had a rough morning,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun lets out a dry laugh.

“If by rough you mean having a desk thrown at me and being hit in the face, yeah, it was a bit rough,” Sehun says, and just saying it, just finally getting it out, even if he’d explained it earlier, is like throwing up something that’s been writhing in his stomach for hours. “How was your day? Did anyone tell you that bowties were last years fashion?”

“No,” Junmyeon says, sitting down in one of the desks by Sehun’s, looking both pained and amused at the same time. It’s a strange expression for someone to wear, but somehow Junmyeon pulls it off. Sehun isn’t sure he likes it though. “My kids usually know better than to try to tell me how to dress. They just call me ‘old man’ when they think I can’t hear them. Or, sometimes, when they think I can.”

“You do kind of act it,” Sehun says, the words slipping out of him faster than he can catch them. Today he just doesn’t have the energy to be polite, to think about how Junmyeon is intimidating or how he’s not sure if he can talk. 

“It’s a defense mechanism,” Junmyeon says. “The girls are less likely to develop a crush on the ‘old man’ teacher.”

“What about the boys?” Sehun asks, wondering if they’ve given Junmyeon trouble like Sehun saw today. Wondering how many more times he’s going to have a desk thrown at him.

“I’m pretty sure most of them have crushes on Jia,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun almost chokes. “Though a few of them are a bit infatuated with Kibum.”

“Huh,” says Sehun, and pauses, sitting back. Somehow, even if he’s still rattled, this, whatever this is, despite how Junmyeon is… Junmyeon, is helping.

“First time?”

“That I’ve heard about these crushes on Kibum?” Sehun asks, looking over to Junmyeon. “Yeah. I never actually would have thought. Jia I can definitely see though. I think Jackson once told her to ‘wait for him’ last year.”

“Sehun,” Junmyeon says, and he’s not laughing. Instead, he sounds almost sincere, and Sehun has to look away from his face to swallow down the tension in his throat.

“I’m okay,” Sehun tells him, even if it’s more of telling himself. 

“You don’t have to be okay,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun can’t look at him. The sound of his voice already is more than Sehun wants to hear, and he knows looking at Junmyeon…

It’s odd, how Sehun is curious, glimpsing these moments between the cracks of Junmyeon’s constantly spinning walls around himself. He’s curious, but when it comes to actually seeing them, Sehun doesn’t want to. 

“It’s easier to be okay,” Sehun says, speaking to the wall opposite his desk. The wall doesn't look back, it doesn’t have other layers and levels and meaningful looks and spectrums of tones in it’s voice that make Sehun think for hours after. “I like being okay.” The wall doesn’t answer him and neither does Junmyeon. “How do you stop that from happening?”

“Sometimes, you can’t stop it,” Junmyeon answers after a long pause. “Sometimes they just run into obstacles that we can’t help them with, and sometimes we’re the only safe place for them to fight back and be upset. Sometimes, we’re the only people they feel safe enough with to break down.”

Even if he knows it’s not safe, that he doesn’t want to see it, Sehun looks back to Junmyeon anyway. It’s almost raw, the way Junmyeon is looking at him, none of the posture or the composure, but just a clear expression that’s a mix between sadness and bitterness, hints of anger flickering over his brow bones and the tension of worry around his mouth. It’s having the glass removed from a clouded window, and Junmyeon doesn’t look as imposing.

He just looks like a man who knows he can’t fix everyone, even if he might want to fix everything.

“So what do you do?” Sehun asks.

“Remember that you can’t save everyone,” Junmyeon tells him. “And it’s okay not to.”

“Isn’t that kind of against what we do?” Sehun asks, frowning a bit as the tremors that stuck in his chest subside somewhat. “I also would like to not have anymore desks thrown at me.”

Somehow, the walls don’t rise again as fast, and when they do it’s only halfway. “You’ll have to learn how to duck,” Junmyeon says. “Especially since you’re such a large target.”

“I suppose you have an advantage then,” Sehun says. “Or I care too much.”

“No,” Junmyeon says, and a part of him almost looks sad before it flickers away and Sehun isn’t sure. “You care too much. You’re worse than Kyungsoo.”

“I’m telling him you said that,” Sehun says. He doesn’t feel better per se, but he does feel lighter, and like the persistent weight is off of his mind somewhat. He can get through the rest of the day at least.

“Kyungsoo doesn’t scare me,” Junmyeon almost laughs.

“What does?”

Even if Sehun didn’t mean to ask, he does. And even if he can see Junmyeon doesn’t mean to answer, he does. “Failure.”

✦

_Of all the things they’re supposed to be doing right now, building a jump isn’t one of them._

_“No,” Jongin says, staring as Chanyeol and Taemin pile more and more snow up higher and higher on the edge of the small field they ski through for practice. “No way.”_

_“It’ll be fun!” Chanyeol says, eyes bright and body half covered in snow as he turns to Jongin. “Plus, you’ll land in powder just down the field. It’ll be fine!”_

_“What if our skis break?” Sehun asks, looking around warily. They don’t own the skis. Hell, if Coach finds them, he’ll_ roast _them alive for doing this instead of doing hill training._

_Of course, according to Minho, this is hill work. Apparently. Theoretically? Sehun isn’t sure. All Sehun is sure of is that Taemin is a bad influence because somehow he’s taken to talking to Minho and giving him bad ideas._

_Taemin is awful, and Sehun reminds himself of this as Taemin looks up and smiles at him._

_“Are you going to do the jump?” Taemin asks, patting down the raised lump of snow. “Ten bucks you’ll go flying.”_

_“I think he’ll land it,” Minho says, watching them pack down the jump with a contemplative expression. “He’s got the balance for it. And the legs.”_

_“I didn’t know you spent so much time staring at Sehun’s legs,” Taemin goads, eyes on their captain._

_“I spend a lot of time staring at all of your legs,” Minho says blithely. “I should know what my team’s physique is like. And Taemin? Your legs are sticks. It’s why you can’t get the proper push off when you transfer from your kick.”_

_They’re out here, making a jump, because today their Coach had just let them go ski. They’re out here, making a jump, because Minho is in charge and Taemin is a terrible influence. They’re out here, making a jump, and Sehun is entirely sure that they’re going to break someone’s skis going off the damn thing._

_It kind of makes it exciting even if Sehun’s stomach is in knots._

_“Okay!” Chanyeol says, straightening up and grinning. “Who is going first?”_

_“Count me out,” Jongin mumbles, side stepping back and gripping onto his poles. “I’m not breaking my neck. Or skis. Or either.”_

_“Sehun?” Chanyeol asks, turning to him._

_“Screw you, we made it, I want to go first,” Taemin cuts off with a laugh before Sehun can answer diplomatically_ no _._

_Or yes. Sehun doesn’t know and the snakes in his belly aren’t sure either._

_Hiking up the hill they’re supposed to be skiing_ up _, Taemin turns, standing finally and handing his poles off to Minho. “Clear the track!” he yells, grin visible even from where Sehun is standing near the jump. Then he turns, angling himself down the slope, and skis to the jump in a crouch. He looks like an idiot, arms out to keep balance when he needs it, and skating unsteadily to pick up speed._

_Taemin doesn’t quite make the jump so much as he gets one ski up the jump and the other one sunk in the snow. The result is him pitched forward face first into the snow and everyone bursting into laughter (Taemin included, but Sehun isn’t sure considering his face in buried in snow)._

_“My turn,” Minho shouts as Taemin scrambles away, still covered in snow. Minho has more finesse, and Sehun watches him as he turns down the hill, speeding towards them in perfect form, tucked down into himself and angled with skis parallel to go off the jump. And he does, and_ flies _for a few feet before careening into the snow beyond with a loud yell._

_“Nice!” Chanyeol shouts, and skates off up the hill for his turn._

_Over and over and over they do this, Sehun forgetting about time and just watching, tentative to try, and yet itching to do it. To fly off the hump of snow and go airborne for just a moment before crashing into the soft snow._

_“Your turn,” jolts Sehun from his thoughts of watching Minho fly off the jump and straight into powder, laughing the whole way._

_Before Sehun can protest, get out a squawk of defense, Taemin and Chanyeol are laughing, taking his poles and urging him up the hill. It’s stupid, he’s going to die, this is so dangerous, he’s going to die, his skis are going to break, and Sehun can’t stop laughing at the nervous twist and bubbling excitement spreading through him._

_“This is such a bad idea,” Sehun tells Chanyeol as he stands on the hill and looks down and the_ miniscule _jump below and feels his stomach swoop._

_“Exactly!” Chanyeol laughs, and Sehun’s ski tips tilt down._

_It’s stupid, the wind whistling in his ears. It’s dangerous, and he’s going to fly off the jump and die. It’s going to break his skis, and Sehun whoops aloud as the wind whistles in his ears, he angles his skis to go faster, and suddenly he’s slipping up over the jump, his stomach suddenly suspended in that queasy exciting weightlessness-_

_-and he plummets to the soft freezing powdered snow beneath him and cannot stop laughing. Laughing and laughing and whole body buzzing with excitement and happiness as he looks up and is still laughing when Minho looks down at him with an amused smile to match._

_“That was pretty sick,” Minho tells him, holding out a hand to hoist Sehun to his feet. “You_ flew _off that jump! It was awesome. You went even farther than I did.”_

_“It’s because Sehun is all limbs and no mass,” Kyuhyun laughs, skis off completely and romping around in the ungroomed field of snow. He dodges a snowball from Jongin, and then, laughing, runs straight at Sehun, wrapping his arms around his middle as Sehun lets out a surprised yelp as he’s jerked forward._

_“You can’t use my best friend as a shield!” Jongin is yelling, Sehun breathless with laughter as Kyuhyun tries to carry him around and is clearly struggling to hold him up. “That’s just-“_

_A snow ball hits Sehun right in the neck and he screams, Kyuhyun dropping him as Minho roars with laughter behind them._

_“You can’t use Sehun as a shield, Jongin will just throw shit at him anyway,” Taemin is laughing, bounding onto the field as well. Chanyeol tries to follow, still wearing skis, and ends up getting his poles stolen by Jongin who runs off, laughing and holding them tauntingly._

_It’s ski practice without the rules, playing in the snow and just having fun, taking a day off from the regimens and falling into each other when the girls find them later and Hyukjae somehow, inexplicably, tries to climb a tree. With his skis on._

_“Why did you think that was a good idea?” Song Qian asks, half laughing as Hyukjae lies flat on his back amid the laughing team._

_“I don’t know!” Hyukjae laughs, trying to push himself up and slipping, sending the whole team into laughter again._

_Sehun can’t breathe, the air catching in his throat, and feeling so free and light and happy he doesn’t think when Kyuhyun tells them to all put on their skis to go ‘exploring’. Sehun doesn’t think when he races up to follow right behind Minho, smiling at him brightly when he turns to him with a grin. Sehun doesn’t think of how Jongin and Chanyeol are behind him, keeping pace with each other as Jongin struggles in the deeper snow._

_Sehun doesn’t think as they all end up far off the trail, Taemin nearly getting stuck in a marsh that Kyuhyun had led them to a while back when it had been nothing but bare ground. Sehun just laughs, flopping down in the white snow when they take a break and smiling, feeling like the world is okay._

_It’s cold, but he feels alive, hot with energy, bright with smiles and the feeling of welcome from the team._

_It’s a whole new world of Nordic skiing, where there aren’t any rules, or races, or technique drills, just goofing off and listening to Chanyeol bleat laughter when Jongin misses throwing a snowball at him. It’s laughing, leaning against the others to keep himself up, and feeling a warm arm wrap around his shoulders and keep him up, tugged against a strong side that makes his stomach flutter as he catches Taemin’s eyes on him and he hint of a genuine smile._

_“Sehun,” Taemin calls, and the warmth at his side shifts, pulling away slightly. “You look really stupid when you smile like that.”_

_The smile cracks, and cold seeps between the fragments and Sehun’s laughter stutters before that warm arm is back._

_“It’s cute,” Minho tells him, or tells Taemin, his eyes on the younger boy and his arm around Sehun’s shoulders._

_The winter air is cold, but Sehun feels so warm and can’t stop his smile as he leans just a bit closer, looking up at his captain and feeling like things will be okay. That he’s okay._

_“I'm okay,” Sehun tells him, tells himself, and it builds that warmth around his heart thicker and stronger._

_“I know you are,” Minho says, and flashes him a blindingly wonderful grin as he steps back, calling them all to keep going._

_It sinks into Sehun’s skin, pressing under the layers of athletic clothing to trap the heat against his skin and keep him warm. That feeling, the simple word ‘okay’ seeps through him, slowly pumping through him with the pulse of his heart, the warmth from a hot drink, the soothing soak of a warm bath._

_It builds, stronger and stronger under his skin, netting into him as Sehun laughs, as Jinri wraps her arms around him and tugs him to tumble into the snow, racing off a moment later when Jongin joins. It’s mesh and wire wrapping around the fragile parts in him that must stay silent at home, at school, anywhere he goes, where it’s ‘not okay’ for him to just be._

_It’s the soothing cup of tea for the sore constant ache in Sehun’s throat, in his chest, in his world where being different isn’t okay; isn’t safe._

_“You alright?” Chanyeol asks him, breathless as they ski back towards the jump, turning to him with a wide smile._

_“Yeah,” Sehun says, and feels it burrow into him and lock inside, never leaving, never changing. “Yeah, I’m okay.” Ahead of them, Jongin is grappling with Taemin while Jinri throws snow on them, laughing, and Sehun smiles. “I’m okay. I’m really okay.”_

_It’s the first time in a long while that Chanyeol doesn’t pull him into a headlock when he tugs Sehun closer. It’s the first time in a while that Sehun is hugged with something that feels like total love and acceptance, and he closes his eyes, breathing it in and wondering if Chanyeol knows, and that’s why._

_“Good,” Chanyeol tells him, usually loud voice just a bit quieter as he squeezes his arms around Sehun. “I’m glad.”_

_Even when they get back to the jump and find their Coach waiting, disapproval on his face and arms over his chest, that feeling doesn’t fade. Even when they’re barked at to go ski extra laps, shouted at and driven up the hills and back down until their thighs are burning, breathing is different when he’s not as afraid. Even in the dripping sweat and burning chill of a pounding heart rate in freezing temperatures makes Sehun’s skin feel alive and Coach glares at them and forbids more jump building, Sehun can’t stop the smile that lingers just behind his lips._

_For one moment, he flew, and understood what laughing with complete freedom felt like. What feeling with full freedom felt like, and it pulls at his heart with strings Sehun can’t see, but for once isn’t afraid to follow._

_Wherever they lead him._

_To the library, to the lunch room, to his home._

_Or to someone who makes his heart flutter and stomach turn in the sickeningly pleasant flip flop. And Sehun is okay with that, because Sehun is okay._

❉

By the time Saturday morning finally gets underway, Sehun isn’t sure if he wants to thank Junmyeon or strangle him.

“See?” Sunyoung says, once they’re seated in the bus together, all of the combined Alpine and Nordic gear together in the undercarriage of the bus and both teams packed in the back. She’s got that sort of knowing ‘I told you so’ expression on her face as she leans into his side, her hair pinned back from her face and tucked under a SWIX cap. “I told you.”

“You told me nothing, you just said he and the old Nordic coach didn't get along,” Sehun grumbles. Today had started off well, where he had woken up at his usual time to get to work and arrived at the school ready to go. Now, after arguing with Junmyeon for over twenty minutes before Junmyeon just shrugged and went _’sure, okay, you can take Alpine’_ and Sehun wasn’t sure if he wanted to smack him in the face or himself in the face, he’s downright exhausted.

“But do you see now?” Sunyoung says, her mouth twitching.

Trying to muster up the energy to glower, Sehun just gives up and sinks down into his seat further. He doesn’t want to speak too loudly, considering Junmyeon and Juhyun are (though Junmyeon keeps barking back to his team to close the bus windows). “Vaguely. Did he usually do this a lot?”

“I don’t think we’ve ever had the Alpine kids with us on training day,” Sunyoung muses. “So no, he’s not always like this. But you also put up more of a fight to keep them on today, so maybe he’s just giving you points for merit.”

“Like Hell I’m letting Mark go play slalom all day when he can’t properly climb a hill to save his life,” Sehun grumbles, glancing over to where Junmyeon is talking sternly with Namjoon about… something. It’s a bit amazing how someone can look so serious and imposing while still smiling politely.

“Yeah, but the impressive part is that you convinced Junmyeon to _let_ you take him for the day,” Sunyoung says. “I never would have thought you had it in you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re such a softie,” Sunyoung teases. “And Junmyeon’s definitely not.”

“Maybe it’s because I’m charming,” Sehun proposes and smiles slightly as Sunyoung snorts into laughter beside him. It had been, to put it simply, a Herculanean effort to get Junmyeon to back down on claiming ownership of all of his Alpine skiers for the day. In the end, it had come down to Sehun explaining that overall the skills he’d be drilling today would directly correlate to the technique they’d need for Alpine.

He’d left out the glaring reality that if Junmyeon took the Alpine kids, Sehun would lose about a third of his team.

“So.” Sehun jumps, not sure when Junmyeon had switched over to the seat _directly behind him_ and turning around swiftly as his voice sounds right in his _ear_.

“Yes, I’m here, what?” Sehun says, trying to rouse as Sunyoung casts him a poorly concealed smirk.

“Lunch,” Junmyeon says, looking down at the clipboard in his hands, flipping through the pages. Why does he even need a clipboard? “Today. Are we meeting up with the teams and swapping or-“ He just stops, not even trailing off, and Sehun blinks when he turns to him expectantly.

“I mean, you can take Nordic, but most of them are terrified of going fast on down hills, so you’ll have your work cut out for you. Taehyung is a screamer,” Sehun says, pushing himself up to sit straighter in his seat. It’s too early to discuss this after he’s just had an already harrowing discussion.

Junmyeon’s mouth twitches, and Sehun swallows, waiting for the shut down. “Do you need the Alpine kids all day?”

“Have you seen Mark try to double pole?” Sehun asks him in return.

“No,” Junmyeon tells him flatly.

“It’s not pretty,” Sunyoung adds, and nudges Sehun in the side gently. “We’ll probably need them all day, though you could take Jackson if we can get to the hill climbing sections before lunch and I’m done with the older members before then. If not, then they all need work.”

“I need Yoongi for the afternoon,” Junmyeon says, turning to his clipboard with a small frown again. “He’s still taking his turns way too fast. If I can work with him for the afternoon, it’ll help him a ton, and probably help you guys out some if he’s struggling on downhill corners.”

“Yoongi is fine on the down hills,” Sehun sighs. “It’s his follow through on weight change that he struggles with.” Ignoring the look from Sunyoung, Sehun runs his hand through his hair, wetting his lips as Junmyeon finally turns to look at him. “You can have him after lunch. I can pull him in practice after the holidays and drill him on the flat technique.”

“Good luck getting him to drill,” Junmyeon says, and it takes Sehun a moment before he realizes he’s almost joking.

“Did you just poke fun?” Sunyoung asks.

“It happens sometimes,” Junmyeon tells her, turning back to his clip board. “I have to keep you on your toes or you’ll start to tune me out.”

“Lunch at the base lodge?” Sehun suggests, trying to push ahead rather than let the conversation hang, the strange note following Junmyeon’s comment settling uncomfortable against his skin.

“We’ll come meet you at the Nordic center,” Junmyeon says, finally lowering his clipboard. “The food is better, and they don’t have as much candy for Kunpimook to ingest before the afternoon work out. Which will be good for my sanity,” he adds as explanation, and throws him and Sunyoung a quick smile. “See you at noon?”

“I swear that was the nicest and shortest planning conversation I’ve ever had with him,” Sunyoung tells Sehun once Junmyeon has moved back to sit with Juhyun.

“I told you, I’m charming,” Sehun brushes off, standing and doing a brief sweep as their bus driver finally steps onto the bus. All of the team, and Junmyeon’s kids, appear to be on the bus. “Do you want to do roll call or should I?”

“You. I can’t yell louder than Kunpimook even if I had a bullhorn.”

“True,” Sehun agreed, and turns to the bus that’s a mix between half asleep, and shouting about anything imaginable. “Alright! My kids! Junmyeon’s kids! We all here?” Junmyeon is looking over, a small frown on his face as Chansik yells “yes!” back from… somewhere in his seat. All Sehun can see of him is his legs.

“Alright! While reassured, I’m calling out. I don’t know half of you and half of you don’t know me. Either answer, or, if you’re asleep, get a friend to wake you up so you can confirm you’re here. Waving hands don’t count. I need hear your voice to make sure you’re alive.” Turning to Junmyeon, Sehun waits for permission to proceed. Junmyeon just nods, and Sehun smiles as he hands over his clipboard.

Sehun blinks when he looks at it, having expected an organized paper set of notes and… not incomprehensible scribbles and chaos.

“Alright!” Sehun shouts, recovering himself and catching a small hint of… pink on Junmyeon’s face. He clears his throat, trying not to give it attention. _Later_. “Jaebum!”

The whole group is there, some of the boys getting into a screaming contest of who can answer loudest before Seunghwan wins hand down by screeching shrilly when Hyeri tries to lift up her shirt while she snoozes in her seat. “We’re good?” Sehun asks, turning to Junmyeon. The nod he gets in return had the bus pulling out the parking lot, ten minutes behind schedule and off for the two hours trip up to Monarch ski area.

“Buckle up,” Sunyoung says as Sehun settles in beside her. “This is what every race is going to be like.”

“Not quite,” Sehun shrugs, glancing back as the team all try to scoot between seats to get comfortable. “We won’t have Kunpimook.”

“Which one is he?” Sunyoung asks, looking back at the teams.

“The loud one sitting on Jackson,” Sehun answers, glancing back to the kids in the back.

Surprisingly, the ride down isn’t as loud as Sehun expects it to be. Most of the team, once they’ve settled in and had a bathroom break after being on the road for a while, ends up crashing to sleep. Sehun does rounds with Sunyoung and Juhyun to check up on the team. It’s a bit interesting to see both of the teams together, combined but with definite separations that show just under the surface.

It’ll be interesting to watch today, seeing if the seatings stay true, if Seokjin and Yoongi end up skiing together for the day even as they nap on each other on the way down. Sehun would like to say he was surprised to see Taehyung and Hoseok sprawled on top of each other, asleep and with Taehyung’s hood pulled so far over his head it’s hard to see his face, but he’s not.

“This is the quietest I’ve ever seen them,” Sunyoung says when Sehun gets back to the front.

“Then let’s do our best not to wake them,” Sehun says.

Waking them ends up being a task in and of itself, most of the team grumbling and moving at a sloth’s pace once they arrive at the base lodge for the Alpine mountain. The Alpine team is almost silent (even Kunpimook) as they file off the bus. At first, the Alpine members on Nordic stir, looking up in question to Namjoon before the captain shakes his head, miming Nordic skiing poorly and gesturing to stay before they go back to sleep. 

“That doesn’t even look like Nordic, you weirdo,” Yoongi grumbles as Namjoon tries to communicate to him he’s not joining the Alpine kids. It doesn’t last though, Yoongi shifting in his seat and Sehun watches him disappear, presumably shoving his face into Seokjin’s shoulder to go back to sleep.

It’s another whole side of his team, watching them all curl up on top of each other, the familiarity of them getting closer, growing connections with each other and building relationships. Sehun finds himself smiling without realizing it, watching over them and remembering what that was like, as the Alpine team steps off the bus in varying degrees of consciousness.

“Noon, right?” Juhyun clarifies, pausing as she follows Junmyeon off the bus. “I just want to make sure we’re not late. Junmyeon can get a bit carried away.”

“Noon,” Sehun confirms, still smiling and feeling that faint softness lingering as he watches her step off the bus.

“I vote,” Jaebum says when the Nordic team arrives at the ski center. “That we just practice sleeping habits.”

“Funny. Have you considered a career as an entertainer?” Sehun asks him, shoved in between the tangle of legs across the aisle to rouse his team. “Everyone up! If you haven’t changed, you can do so in the bathrooms and lodge. Get your stuff, the bus isn’t gonna be here when we’re done, so if you leave something, you go without.”

“Wait,” Jimin mumbles, pushing himself up from where he’d been using Jeongguk as a pillow. “We have to carry all our shit?”

“Until you use a bathroom, yes,” Sehun says, and Jimin throws him a look that screams _please_ in a suffering tone. “As for your ski gear, you can leave it in the cubbies in the lodge.”

“You think you’re funny don’t you,” Jackson says, squinting at him with his hair sticking up in a beautiful mess.

“I don't think, I know I’m hilarious,” Sehun tells him casually. “Get a load of me. And get your stuff. Off the bus in ten.”

“Why is our coach so weird?” Sehun hears Yugyeom ask in a grumble as he heads back up front.

“He’d have to be to deal with us,” Jackson tells him. “Remember how weird Coach Lee was? At least Oh sama isn’t as wacked out as he is.”

“Somehow,” Sehun muses, helping Sunyoung pull the equipment bags from the undercarriage of the bus in the cold air. “I get the impression that there’s more to Junmyeon not getting along with the old coach than just Junmyeon being a relatively strict human.”

“Well,” Sunyoung says, and purses her lips, pausing as she drags out a bag of skis and poles. “I’ll tell you later?”

“Please,” Sehun says. “You round them up and I’ll get the passes.”

They end up dividing up the team, the older and experienced skiers heading off with Sunyoung once they get their gear stashed, tickets stuck somewhere to their bodies. In the case of Taehyung, this means on his hat right over his forehead, which Hoseok thinks is hilarious and Jeongguk copies before apparently gaining a sense of shame.

The younger skiers, new to the game and who haven’t really gone skate skiing before, stay with Sehun, all looking excited to be on skis that have no sticky wax and on new trails. “Alright,” Sehun says, once the older kids have sped off after Sunyoung in a variety of whoops and hollers. “You guys ready to do some skate skiing?”

“Will we fall down as much as we did the first time we skid?” Yugyeom asks, face scrunched up.

“Only if you want to,” Sehun tells him and grins. “After lunch, we’ll be doing hill work, so please anticipate that experience.”

“Is it hard?” Yerim asks.

“I can be,” Sehun says gently. “But first, you guys have to master skating before you move onto actually trying to climb hills and learning the poling for it.”

Skate skiing, unlike classic, isn’t about stepping forward and pushing through the legs and arms in a forward motion. It’s all about the side to side swing of weight from one ski over to the other, centered through the middle of the foot. It sounds complicated, but it basically means moving from standing on one foot to the other with a bit of push incorporated in.

It’s a lot like ice skating, balancing on one foot before moving to the other, but it’s a ski rather than a metal blade and no one in their right mind would try to do a triple axel jump on Nordic skis if they wanted to live through the day.

The key to skate skiing isn’t using edges or poles or pushing off harder through the kick zone, it’s balance. The goal of today isn’t to the get first time skiers up and running and skiing faster, but just to get them used to the motion of skate skiing and getting them to balance.

“So what are we doing?” Sooyoung asks, her long hair in two braids over her shoulders.

“Skiing,” Sehun says. “I want you to just try out stepping from one foot to the other and pushing off like you’re ice skating, and use your poles to push off on the side we determined back when doing the dry land exercises.”

It works, for the most part, though almost all of them don’t translate the weight transfer, instead adopting a soft of waddling motion as they keep their weight over their core rather than their leg. But they don’t fall down that much after the first half hour, and it’s enough that Sehun can start correcting some of the bad habits he can see already forming. 

Surprisingly, the skiers that seem to be catching onto the weight change the best are Yibo and Yerim, both of them pushing more of their full weight onto their ski than the others. It has Sehun smiling, watching as they focus, expressions hard with concentration, and tune out the laughter and yells of their fellow teammates.

“Alright,” Sehun calls one they all congregated back around him having finished their laps around the starting field. “I want you to pair off and take the first loop of trails around the center. It should take you about an hour to get back to me.”

The trails are all listed on the wooden boards stuck along the trails. Pointing out a few basic routes to his skiers, Sehun smiles, watching as they take off in groups of two or three. Sehun ends up staying with Yugyeom, sending Jeongguk off with Yibo knowing that probably just being with Yibo will help Jeongguk work on his own technique.

It helps a lot, Sehun realizes as he watches them ski off, that he knows most of this group from class. Knowing their learning styles (Jeongguk being very tactile and visual, observing and learning and adapting) makes it easier to figure out how they can improve and correct errors best.

“Mr. Oh?” Yugyeom asks, a small frown on his face as he turns to him. “Do I suck or something?”

“Of course not,” Sehun tells him, reaching out to clasp the freshman on the shoulder with a kind smile. “I just think you’d have more fun if you could keep up with Jackson this afternoon on the course.”

“But he’s so much better than I am,” Yugyeom mumbles, and Sehun can’t tell if he wants to be heard or is trying to eat his words.

“So lets even the playing field,” Sehun tells him, and pushes back on his poles, sliding backwards on his skis with a wide grin. “Then you can keep up with him and I can put you in the first race of the season.”

Yugyeom’s problem is he refuses to shift his weight over to his gliding leg. Of all of the starting skiers, he’s the one who looks the most scared to fully switch his whole weight onto one ski. This means he’s mostly skiing with his ski at an angle, which puts strain on his legs, ankles, back, hips, and overall just makes him slower even if he’s moving fast. It also means it’s a lot more work for him physically, and he’ll get tired soon.

It’s a basic mistake, and Sehun remembers being called out on it in his first year of skiing. Well, yelled was more appropriate, except the benefit is Yugyeom doesn’t have Taemin laughing at him when he wobbles onto one ski.

Sehun sighs, and leads Yugyeom onto the practice track, smiling and explaining to him what he needs to do. 

By the time it reaches the hour mark and his skiers return, Sehun is more tired than he thought he’d be, but Yugyeom has improved a lot just in the short time span. They take a break, Sehun checking up on the skis and answering questions, keeping a watch as they wait for the rest of the team to arrive with Sunyoung.

They’re late, but look flushed with excitement, Jaebum in the lead and closely followed by a laughing Jackson and Seulgi as they ski into the lodge area. “Break?” Mark asks, his cheeks flushed with cold once the whole team skis up, Sunyoung bringing up the rear.

“Hills,” Sehun tells them, and gets a mixed groan and cheer from the rest of the team. “Seokjin, you take the lead and get the team headed up to the Cypher ridge. We’ll stop on Triptyc corner. Wait there, and no one go in the woods.”

“Why not?” asks Hwasa from the back.

“Because I’ll come find you and you won’t be happy,” Sehun tells the team, and gets a mixed reaction. In the back, Sunyoung hides her smirk.

“Why does Seokjin get to lead?” Hyeri asks, frowning.

“Because if you lead, you’ll leave the whole team behind and then we’ll have to send out a search party,” Sehun tells her, patting her a few times on the back as he moves around the team. “I’ll meet you up there in five minutes! If you’re not there when I arrive, I’m sending Sunyoung to come find you and you ski the rest of the day without poles.”

 _That_ gets the team moving, half of them shouting to Seokjin to not screw up as the younger skiers struggle to skate. Sehun smiles, watching as the older team members adopt the younger, pairing up and skiing with them, making sure they don’t get left behind.

“Look at them,” Sehun says, watching as the team careens off onto the trial in a shouting rambunctious mass of teenage energy. “Working together and looking out for each other. I’m so proud.” He sighs dramatically, and feigns wiping a tear as Sunyoung laughs beside him, rolling her eyes and shaking her head at his antics. “How did they do this morning?”

“You mean _after_ Taehyung tried to scale a tree with his skis on?” Sunyoung says, a hint of exasperation in her voice.

“I personally had my bets on Mark, but I can’t say I’m surprised it was Taehyung that ended up going for it,” Sehun hums, and Sunyoung bursts out laughing. “How far did he get?”

“Farther than we thought he would,” Sunyoung says, a hint of respect in her voice. “Though he was hoisting himself up on the branches. And Hoseok helped.”

“Helped?”

“Pushed him up a bit, acted as a spotter, then dropped him,” Sunyoung says. “It was a brief moment of light hearted fun to watch them try to get back up in knee deep snow before we worked on turn tactics.”

“Sounds like a fun experience,” Sehun laughs. “And no one was hurt?”

“I would say Taehyung’s pride, but he looked pretty darn proud of himself, so I think we’re safe,” Sunyoung laughs. “I am going to say that we really should keep the alpine kids for the afternoon, if you can charm Junmyeon into letting them stay.”

“Why?” Sehun asks, skating along side her as they head out after the team.

“For one, they need a bit more work in general on a few technique things,” Sunyoung explains, skating easily beside him. “And another is they help the Nordic team a lot. No one makes fun of Seokjin if Yoongi is around, they know better by this point.”

“That’ll be a hard one to sell Junmyeon,” Sehun sighs, letting his body relax into the motion of skiing. He needed this, after a morning of teaching, actually getting out and skiing is relaxing, calming after the focused attention, to just let go and ski naturally. “I know he wanted Yoongi for the afternoon.”

“Junmyeon would take all of the Alpine kids if you didn’t put up a fight over them,” Sunyoung says seriously. “It’s good, actually,” she adds, catching the look on Sehun’s face. “They need a coach that fights for them and cares. I’m glad you are a softie, because they need someone who wants them to succeed for once. Not all of them have that.”

“The Alpine team does,” Sehun points out, thinking of Junmyeon’s determination for his team to do well.

“But Junmyeon isn’t you,” Sunyoung says. “You make them feel safe, he just makes them feel protected.”

It’s the first time Sehun has heard it described in that way, and it clicks in Sehun’s mind as he skis. That makes sense. Junmyeon isn’t the safe teacher to go talk to in rough times, but Sehun trusts him to be there when he needs it. It’s why he’d called him when Yibo was left at school alone after practice.

Junmyeon protects, not only himself with the walls and flickering back and forth between states of being, but the people around him. 

“And I’m the coach they can make suggestive jokes around,” Sehun finally replies, feeling a bit pleased at the idea that he’s safe for his kids. Sunyoung laughs, her clear voice ringing through the trees around them, echoing over the soft white snow beautifully.

“Like I said, they feel safe around you,” Sunyoung continues to laugh. “And they listen. It’ll be nice to try to let them go for the afternoon as well. Just let them play for a bit.”

“Agreed,” Sehun hums, looking up ahead to where Jeongguk is just visible through the trees. “Then we can finally ski together and bond.”

“I’m engaged, remember?” Sunyoung laughs.

“And I’m fully expecting to be invited to your wedding,” Sehun tells her, turning to her briefly as he poles on the right, pushing ahead and leaving the old lingering twist in his gut. “I’ll be insulted if I don’t get an invitation.”

Sunyoung is laughing when she glances at him. “Maybe you can bring Juhyun as your date.”

That twist shifts and Sehun pushes onto his left ski on an exhale. “Not my type,” he says, skating ahead, leaving the anxiety behind. It’s been years.

“What about that language teacher?” Sunyoung muses. “Or do you have-“

“Not my type either,” Sehun tells her easily, poling again through the transfer to his other leg, pushing ahead and balancing, centering himself.

“What is your type then?” Sunyoung laughs.

“Are you trying to set me up?” Sehun teases, and catches the glint in Sunyoung’s eye that Sehun had learned to dread back in university before people knew. “Don’t. At least not with women.”

Sunyoung blinks, and Sehun glances at her over the rushing crunch of the snow, catching the sudden realization on her face. He poles, skating ahead, and waiting, pushing away from the words that have left him more times than he wishes they ever had to.

“That might be a bit more of a challenge,” Sunyoung finally says, and hums contemplatively. “But give me a bit more time, and I’ll see what I can rustle up.”

Sehun is laughing before he realizes it. It’s not a happy laugh, but it’s not the sad cracking laugh that had left his throat the first time he’d heard that response. It’s just sound, filling him up so nothing else has to, getting out of him so it doesn't grow stale and hold him down.

“I appreciate that,” Sehun tells her, feeling empty and scraped uncomfortably clean, almost raw. But it’s better.

Being raw means putting things back together and picking up the pieces. No matter how many times Sehun’s had that feeling, he’ll never regret it, because he can’t get back up until he knows he’s flat on his back with the wind gone from his chest.

The team is waiting for them. Well, relatively speaking they are waiting for them. It’s more like loitering around and trying to entertain themselves and doing a great job of it. The only members not getting into something are Seulgi and Yoongi, who instead stand by the side and laugh at the makeshift dogpile on the snow.

“Skis on!” Sehun shouts, rounding the corner and skating up to the team. “And that means your _own_ skis, Jimin, not Hoseok’s.”

“Damn,” Jimin mutters, but obediently takes off his skis as Hoseok laughs and leans on Taehyung for support.

“Who’s hungry?” Sehun calls, looking over the team and getting an immediate and loud shout from every member. “Great! One we get this done, we can all eat and defrost.”

“I’m gonna die if I don’t eat,” Jimin whines, slouching and using his poles to keep him from collapsing.

“If you look like you’re going to collapse, I promise to carry you back,” Sehun tells him, tightening his pole straps around his wrists.

“Really?” Jimin looks delighted.

“No,” Sehun tells him, and Hwasa snorts into laughter. “Alright! Everyone listen up!”

There are multiple techniques to climbing hills. All of them are applicable to skate skiing, what they’re doing today, and a few for classic that can be the make or break it tactic in a race. Sehun knows well enough from watching the team over the last few weeks that most of them have no idea how to properly get up hills.

This is good, considering it’s the one thing he’s got down as his biggest advantage for his own skill set. 

When going up a hill, the whole team seems to understand that the best way up is ‘herringbone’, meaning maintaining the ‘V’ shape of the skis to step up the hill without sliding back down. However, it takes a ton of energy to get up a hill just running in this formation. For classic, some skiers can manage to get up a hill in a faster pace run, staying in the tracks and forcing their weight through the kick zone to grip and run. But it’s exhausting.

Aside from herringboning it up a hill, there are skate tactics that are the best for getting up hills and will be the biggest factors in a race time. 

The first is the called V two Alternate, and is the most common poling technique for skate skiing. V two Alternate is planting the poles on one side and pushing to the alternate ski to glide before returning to the first ski. It is only poling on one side, and is the easiest and most natural motion for most skiers. 

The second tactic, which can be the winning factor on flats, is the skate variation of double poling, or known as V two . While V two Alternate is only poling on one side, V two is a much faster technique poling on both sides. Planting the poles first before the weight transfers onto the landing foot, the skier poles through the transfer of weight before returning to pole on the other side. V two is the best technique to gain speed, but is often too strenuous up hills, and while it is possible to ski uphills doing V two, only the strongest skiers succeed. 

The third tactic is V one, or Offset skiing. V one, much like V two Alternate, only poles on one side. Skiers plant their poles at the same time as the foot is put down on one side before pushing to the alternate ski to glide. The effect is almost a staggering motion up the hill, keeping a constant push through the arms and legs. It's the best ways to get up hills, as he slightly offset distribution of weight transfers through in a constant forward motion.

“We’re doing all of those today?” Yibo asks, looking lost already as Sehun explains the poling techniques, gesturing through to demonstrate.

“And the mountain climb technique,” Sehun explains, pausing as he finishes up explaining alternating. “Basically, that’s like just herring boning it up the mountain, but you push forward and glide on each ski to make it easier up the hill. It’s basically poling on whatever side your weight is on. If you’re struggling on a hill, that’s the tactic you want to do, because it gives you glide but doesn’t use up the last of your energy to rest the hill.”

“Man, I thought we only had, like, one way of getting up hills or something,” Jimin is mumbling, turning away as Sehun shoos them off towards the hill. “This is nuts! What if I mix them up in my head?”

“Just do what works best,” Sehun calls over them. “Start with basic dominant poling on one side! Then ski back down and repeat.”

“How many?” Yoongi calls back as the first few skiers begin up the hill.

“Until I decide I’m happy with you,” Sehun answers in a yell and Hoseok lets out a responding wail.

“I’m going to _die_ ,” Youngsun shouts half way up the hill already.

“And we will mourn you!” shouts Jackson from right behind her. “Rage climb!”

“I swear,” Sunyoung says, laughing softly as she skis up beside Sehun and watches the group attempt to conquer the hill, some definitely doing better than others. “That boy is just begging for a slap.”

“Nah,” Sehun chuckles, watching as Jaebum and Jackson begin to race to the peak and Jaebum transitions into double poling and cresting fist. “He’s too genuine.”

“You’re right,” Sunyoung says, watching as Jackson waits for the rest of the team to finish as Jaebum drifts off down the trail ahead.

“Alright! Run it again,” Sehun shouts, waving the team back to him. “And Jaebum! I said basic poling, not double poling. Extra lap.”

“You’re kidding me,” Jaebum shouts back, looking offended.

“Do I look like I’m in a joking mood?” Sehun shouts back to him, and scowls.

“Ski!” Mark shouts, reaching for Jaebum’s arm and attempting to drag him up the hill. “Before he comes after your flesh!”

“I told you,” Sehun says turning to a shocked looking Sunyoung. “I totally called it that Mark would be the one to trip you up and be a secret demon.”

“What do I owe you?” Sunyoung asks, laughing slightly herself.

“Lunch,” Sehun tells her, grinning as he feels himself cool down from skiing earlier. “And an ice cream.”

“Deal.”

“I hate skiing!” screams in a wail from Sooyoung on the hill, followed quickly by Jeongguk shouting back, “and it hates you!”

“Gotta love teenagers,” Sunyoung sighs, shaking her head with a fond smile on her face as the team scrambles to the top.

“Absolutely,” Sehun agrees, and can’t help the grin over his own face as he watches his team and feels stupidly proud of his band of enthusiastic kids.

❉

This year, it’s been a relatively fantastic season for weather over the Holiday break. It’s one of the few years that they actually have a ‘White Christmas’ and Sehun spends it curled up on the couch with Jinri, Jongdae, and Jia, with a few bottles of wine and a makeshift gift swap. It had been a fun Christmas, much better than the ones before it, and by the time Chanyeol and Jongin get back from Jongin’s family’s house, Sehun is itching to move on with the holiday season.

Minseok had ended up booking the weekend between Christmas and the New Year for his ski weekend. They have about thirty people coming, and Sehun already had to miss the first day of the three day weekend while waiting for Chanyeol and Jongin to get back.

It means the loss of introduction night, seeing the new people and missing the first night of laughing and company and letting go of worries amid the one too many drinks. Still, it’s almost easier to arrive the second day, just after dusk and miss that initial burst of energy as everyone recovers for a few hours after a long hard day of skiing.

“Holy shit!” Jongin gasps, then laughs as they turn into the ice slick driveway. “This is even better than last year!”

The house Minseok had managed to rent for the weekend is _enormous_. It’s like a full fledged ski chatteau.

“I remember him saying they had a hot tub this year,” Chanyeol hums, grinning as he parks behind one of the many cars cluttering the drive way. “Outdoors, too, so that should be awesome.”

“I have no idea how he does it,” Jongin laughs, shaking his head as they file out of the car. They grab their overnight bags and ski bags, but leave the equipment in the car. It’ll be easier to get to the mountain tomorrow if they just leave their stuff in the car.

Stepping into the house is still loud, alive, and the new face at the door barely pauses before shouting over his shoulder, “Minseok! Your crew is finally here!”

“Which one?” shouts from inside the house, beyond the entrance room that has a _pool table_ and at least five people playing around it.

“The one with all the tall people!”

Minseok is already in a sleeveless shirt, hair pushed up and still wet from a shower when he greets them, laughing and pulling into hugs. “You guys are late,” he says, grinning around at them. “Get inside and grab a drink. Most of the rooms still have space in them, and yes, Chanyeol, you guys have your own place up in the loft.”

“Sweet!” Chanyeol whoops, dragging both his and Jongin’s bags up the stairs as Jongin heads off to the kitchen.

“You promised me a bed,” Sehun reminds Minseok as he follows him into the house.

“And I kept my word,” Minseok tells him. “You’re in the basement, right near the hot tub. You’re getting a roommate though, so don’t make yourself the King of the castle quite yet down there. And Taemin has to move all his shit.”

“Just Taemin?” Sehun asks, raising one eyebrow.

“The asshole ended up pulling his second person last minute,” Minseok sighs, running his hand through his hair as he walks Sehun to the basement area. It’s just as nicely furnished as the upstairs, the whole house gorgeous and tricked out with fireplaces and rustic décor. “That’s why you get his room.”

“Revenge?” Sehun laughs.

“It took me so long to get his date a goddamn ticket and the dick tells me yesterday she’s not coming,” Minseok grumbles, hopping down the stairs two at a time and nearly running into Changmin at the bottom.

“So I get the room?” Sehun laughs, flashing Changmin a friendly smile as he walks past.

“You and, fuck, what’s his name? That teacher guy you’re friends with,” Minseok grimaces, and Sehun almost wants to laugh at him. Minseok never swears unless he drinks, and then it’s hard to get him to stop. In school, he’s hypersensitive to keep his language clean, but once he gets a few drinks in him, his mouth turns downright foul.

“Junmyeon,” Sehun supplies, feeling a bit curious at how that will work out. He hadn’t expected to be rooming with Junmyeon this weekend. Or ever.

“Right, what’s his face,” Minseok laughs off, turning around. “So drop your shit and get upstairs. Hyoyeon is making drinks and you don’t have one yet. This is an abomination. You’re an entire day behind, so you better be ready to catch up.”

“You’re going to try to kill me,” Sehun laughs, watching Minseok walk with the old almost swagger he used to have when Sehun met him back in college. He looks younger here, back in the element of his friends, his world, the energy from skiing today pouring off of him.

“Hell no!” Minseok laughs. “I need you on my team tonight! We’re playing Euchre (9).”

“No,” Sehun laughs, unable to stop himself at Minseok’s devious grin.

“Don’t you dare leave me to Kyuhyun,” Minseok shouts, walking from the room. “Or I’ll trash you tomorrow on the mountain!”

It’s been a few years that Sehun has been going to Minseok’s ski trips. Every year is a bit more of an experience, a new memory to replace older and less pleasant memories from before, when he’d been home over the holiday breaks. It's nicer this way, to get upstairs after dropping his bags on a bed to claim it and gladly accepting a drink from Hyoyeon.

Catching up with the old friends who always come on the trip, laughing as Changmin and Kyuhyun begin to argue about their work and telling stories that have the whole room laughing. Settling in with Chanyeol and Jongin on the couches, feeling like he’s back in time, part of everything and not the new guy, but the old team member that everyone welcomes back.

It’s always easier to laugh when Changmin ends up intervening and taking Minseok’s drink away from him before he and Song Qian can get into a contests. “You’re already swearing enough to lose your teaching license, put the rum down,” Changmin admonishes as the room laughs, Sehun happily taking the drink when Changmin hands it to him.

“Don’t you dare,” Minseok warns him before slumping into Changmin in remorse as Sehun downs the whole cup in one go. It tastes awful, and Sehun yelps into laughter as Minseok tries to punch him when he tells him so.

“It’s like drinking straight alcohol. What was in that? That shit _burns_!” Sehun laughs, ending up with Minseok sprawled over the couch and grumbling at him as he leans into Jongin’s side. 

“That’s because it _is_ straight alcohol,” Changmin explains with a roll of his eyes as Minseok slides into the seat beside Sehun. Upside down. “He thinks he’s hardcore by drinking what may as well be pure ethanol.”

“I _am_ hardcore,” Minseok mumbles into the sofa. “I was almost in the Olympics. I’m so hardcore.”

“Yeah, sure, you’re a beast. All of us are inferior,” Changmin drawls, rolling his eyes as he sits down and pulls Minseok to sit up properly. “Get your face out of the couch. No one wants it there, not even you.”

“Thank you,” Minseok mumbles, sitting up a bit unsteadily. “I _am_ a beast. Respect.”

“Fucking Hell,” Chanyeol laughs, leaning back into the couch as Jongin fits into his side, chuckling with his eyes creasing up in amusement. “Hyoyeon, what did you give him?”

Hyoyeon is laughing when she tells the room, “you don’t want to know.”

It’s about an hour after, when Sehun is trying to get Minseok to understand that he _can’t_ play Euchre when he’s too drunk to hold his cards up, when Song Qian taps him on the shoulder. “Can you get the guy at the door?” she asks, her hair falling in a cascade down her shoulders. “He’s new and looks lost. And Minseok probably shouldn’t go near stairs.”

“I’m fine,” Minseok tells her, slurring as he waves her off and leans back into Changmin’s side. “Who is it? Is it’s what’s his face? Sehun’s boyfriend?”

“He’s-“ Sehun sighs, giving up on Minseok and just shaking his head. “Whatever. I’ll get him.”

“You have a boyfriend?” Song Qian asks, her eyes wide with curiosity. “Does Taemin know?”

“Shut up, no,” Sehun retorts, rolling his eyes with a distasteful look on his face. It’s been _years_. People need to let it go. “And he’s not my boyfriend, you know better than to take anything Minseok says when he’s drunk with more than a grain of salt.”

“Almost boyfriend?” Song Qian shouts as Sehun walks to the entrance room.

“Whatever!” Sehun shouts back to her. He has to hold onto the railing to go down into the entrance room steps, grinning at the pool game going on before he catches sight of Junmyeon. “Did you get lost?”

Oops.

Junmyeon, who had looked almost relieved to see him, suddenly pulls back, eyes widening marginally, but Sehun can see it. Sehun can see it because Sehun knows how Junmyeon’s face works. He watches it all the damn time trying to figure out what the hell is going on with it anyway.

“No,” Junmyeon says, shrugging off his ski parka. “I had some family stuff I had to wrap up.”

“Oh,” says Sehun.

“I take it I’m late?”

“Nah,” Sehun says, waving it off and shaking his head. It’s too much, but he doesn’t feel the same restraint, the same apprehension of doing what he does. Like he does. “You’re fine. Just take a few shots or something when you get upstairs. You’re rooming with me.”

“I am?” Junmyeon frowns at him, following him into the house.

“Is that a problem?” Sehun asks, pausing on the stairs into the main house.

“No,” Junmyeon says, looking a bit taken aback. “No, it’s fine. Minseok had told me I was going to be on the couch so-“

“Taemin’s date apparently dumped him, so I guess a bed opened up,” Sehun shrugs, walking back into the house. “Everyone!” he shouts, looking over the group and cutting through the shouts as someone (probably Jongin) loses the game. “This is Junmyeon. He skis. So boarders, hands off.”

Junmyeon laughs, a soft pink crawling over his cheeks as he waves to the group in a friendly manner (Sehun supposes that’s what it looks like) and the group calls out their own ‘hello’s.

“Anyway,” Sehun continues, leading Junmyeon down to the basement to drop off his stuff. It’s cooler downstairs, less of the thick atmosphere of people and the fireplaces and calmer, soft against his skin and Sehun’s pulse. “We get to share a room. I already took a bed but-“ He pauses, stepping into the room and switching on the light. Just behind him, Jummyeon is just standing, looking around the room with an almost timid expression on his face.

It’s so strange, after seeing Junmyeon look in constant control at work, commanding his classes and taking leadership of his team without restraint. Here, in this new group of people (who are, Sehun will admit, intense), he almost looks unbalanced, unsure of what to do.

It’s a very different look on him, and Sehun realizes that that aura of intimidation that seems to shroud over Junmyeon is gone. For once, he looks like he could be the same size as Kyungsoo, one of his layers vanished as he stands in a new place without the same confidence he has in a place where he knows what he’s doing.

Who he is.

“You okay?” Sehun asks, stepping back. As if his words startle Junmyeon out of his brief moment of uncertainty, he jerks, shaking his head with a hasty sigh, and then smiles. It’s a nice smile. Then he’s walking to the other bed, just beside Sehun’s, and dropping his bag.

“I’m fine,” Junmyeon says, and sighs, running his hand through his hair, carefully pushing it off his face. “Just had a long day. And that was-“ he purses his lips. They’re pink and chapped with cold. “An interesting introduction.”

“They’re nice,” Sehun says, leaning against the wall and tucking his hands into his jean’s pockets. “The group on this trip. They’re fun people and all very nice. They’ll love you in no time. I mean, they may not remember you name though. Minseok already doesn’t. There’s already been a lot of alcohol upstairs, so set your expectations for that _real_ low.”

Junmyeon laughs, and it has a nice ring through the room, his eyes actually laughing as well as they gaze at Sehun over the beds.

“Thanks,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun swallows.

“For what?” Sehun asks, shifting his weight as he watches Junmyeon. It’s awkward, but not awkward, and Sehun tries not to think about this too hard. “Minseok is too drunk to show you around, and I’ve been on this trip for years. Plus,” he adds, wetting his lips. “I know you from work, so it’s not like we’re strangers.”

“We can consider this a test run,” Junmyeon says, letting out a soft chuckle as he unzips his overnight bag. It’s black, and looks nicer than any luggage Sehun has ever owned in his life. “Since we’ll probably be rooming together for States in February.”

“Yeah,” Sehun agrees, watching as Junmyeon pulls out what looks like a loose shirt. It’s hard to tell though, seeing as most of the items in the bag are just kind of… shoved in there like Junmyeon did his packing blindfolded. “A test run. Just so we know if one of us snores whether we should bring earplugs or not.”

“I don’t snore,” Junmyeon says firmly.

“Great, neither do I,” Sehun shrugs, looking away as Junmyeon shifts, pulling his Mr. Roger’s sweater up to untuck the collared shirt underneath. “So far we’re off to a great start.” Junmyeon smiles faintly, and Sehun pushes off the wall, turning to head back upstairs and let him change. Junmyeon hasn’t tried to cover himself, but Sehun…

“So far so good,” Junmyeon chuckles back, and Sehun turns as he pulls his sweater off over his head.

“I’ll see you upstairs,” Sehun says, waving a hand to Junmyeon as he leaves. “I’ll make sure Hyoyeon has a drink for you. Or a shot. Any requests?”

“I trust you to get me something that isn’t lethal,” Junmyeon tells him as Sehun steps from the room.

“Great,” Sehun says, and smiles even if Junmyeon can’t see him, mouth tight and holding the expression in his teeth. “Great,” he repeats as he climbs the stairs, feeling the alcohol pump in his blood and wanting to run outside into the cold air instead of the electric heat upstairs in the main room. “Great,” he repeats, stepping up to Hyoyeon in the kitchen.

“What?” she asks, turning to him over her assortment of alcohol.

“What?” Sehun mimics, and grins, feeling the edge taken off as she laughs and hits him playfully in the arm. “I need a drink for a friend.”

“The new guy?”

“Yeah,” Sehun says, leaning against the counter. “What have you got that’ll be a good push to catch up with, well, let’s put him on a Kyuhyun level.”

“Taemin brought up cupcake liquor,” Hyoyeon says, and Sehun grimaces in horror at the name. Hyoyeon shrugs. “Yeah, I know, I don't get it either. Want to see if the new guy can figure it out?”

“Junmyeon. His name is Junmyeon,” Sehun says, the words rolling through him easily. At Hyoyeon’s playful smirk, he grins, nodding a few times. “Yeah, sure. If it sucks make sure you have something as a chaser. Then I vote we ban Taemin from all other alcohol except the shit he brought.”

“Perfect,” Hyoyeon laughs, and Sehun steps away, walking back to wedge himself between Kyuhyun and Chanyeol, where he knows the game that’s being played even if it’s by drunk rules.

❉

It’s not often that Sehun wakes up with a hangover. Usually, when he does, he remembers why he doesn’t make it a regular habit of drinking. Most of the time, Sehun just doesn’t have the time to get drunk, needing to get lessons made up, learning targets incorporated, essays and papers graded, and generally just doing a ton of work.

But then there’s mornings like this one, where Jinri is walking around the house with a pot, banging on it, and yelling “Get up for first tracks! The mountain doesn’t wait for slackers!” and he remembers exactly why he hates getting _that_ drunk. It’s easier to pull himself from bed first, stumbling from the chaos of their room (how the Hell their room got turned upside down in less than a day, Sehun has no idea but he blames Junmyeon) and to the bathroom.

“Dude.”

Turning, Sehun gives a half hearted smile as a shirtless Taemin wanders into the bathroom to join him, toothbrush in hand and hair standing up everywhere.

“So,” Sehun says around a mouthful of toothpaste. “Cupcake liquor.”

Taemin lets out the most pained moan Sehun has ever heard from him, and it has him laughing, almost choking on his toothbrush as Taemin grimaces in agony. “Shut up. You and Hyoyeon are the worst. I can’t believe you made me drink that shit.”

“I can’t believe you brought _cupcake liquor_ ,” Sehun laughs, and keeps laughing as Taemin shoves him moodily. “It’s your own fault. You brought this on yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Taemin grumbles, shoving his toothpaste into his mouth grumpily. “Rub it in, asshole.”

“I try,” Sehun shrugs, spitting into the sink before stepping around Taemin and his rolling eyes. It’s been a while since he’s seen Taemin, and somehow a part of Sehun always worries that it’ll be like _that_ time. Then they collide, end up snapping at each other, and it’s fine.

They’re fine. 

Today is a downhill day. Sehun had asked Minseok for a two day pass for the mountain, to go and play and hang out and probably white wash Jinri at least one. Minseok will probably be off with Changmin and the other downhill skiers, tackling the extreme trails and skiing in the glades (10) while Sehun hangs out on the ‘safe’ trails. Usually, he skis on the same trails as Chanyeol and Jongin, typically getting into a few races with Jinri and Yoona before they meet up for lunch.

Upstairs, a few of the group are already up and making breakfast, and Sehun gratefully accepts a plate when Jinri hands him one. “You’re my hero,” he tells her, sniffing through the hangover that clogs his sinuses.

“I’m pretty sure you were the hero last night when you got Chanyeol and Jongin upstairs,” Jinri says with a tired smile. “Between you and Taemin, I always vote you to deal with them.”

“That’s because Taemin is still sixteen and doesn’t realize they’re dating,” Sehun mumbles into his eggs. “And brings cupcake liquor.”

“Don’t,” Jinri says with a shiver. “Oh my God, that stuff was awful.”

“It’s gone,” Sehun tells her. “Changmin dumped the rest of it off the balcony last night after he tried it and told Taemin he would lock him in a closet for the rest of the weekend if he tried to stop him.”

“Considering I saw Taemin wandering around shirtless this morning, I’m assuming he didn’t put up a fight,” Jinri hums, digging into her own plate of eggs. “Why is he shirtless?”

“Why do you expect me to know?” Sehun asks her, throwing her a look.

“I assume,” Jinri tells him, grinning. “You two were the ones who decided to ski shirtless in sophomore year, remember.”

“And you stole my shirt,” Sehun reminds her. “I blame you for my frostbite damage.”

“Are you sure that wasn’t because of all the trysts you had off the trail?” Jinri teases, and Sehun grimaces at her over his plate.

“Even _if_ that would have been tempting when I was sixteen, do you _know_ what cold does to a guys dick?”

“I have a few ideas,” Jinri shrugs, and laughs at the look on Sehun’s face. “What’s the deal with the guy you came with?”

“Junmyeon?” Sehun asks, cleaning up his plate. “What about him?”

“Nothing,” Jinri says, shrugging, and Sehun squints at her.

“No,” he tells her before she can wander her little way to the sink. “I work with him, Jinri. Hands off.”

“Me?” Jinri turns to him, her eyes widen and innocent. “I wouldn’t dare. I was just wondering about him. Why Minseok invited him. Why you-“

“They met at a ski sale,” Sehun explains, putting his plate away. “I work with him. He coaches the Alpine team.”

“Okay,” says Jinri, and shrugs, walking out of the kitchen. Sehun sighs, running his hands through his hair and over his face, knowing that won’t be the end of it from her. He’s known Jinri for too many years to think she’ll just drop it like that.

It takes about another hour before they get everyone rolling and heading out of the house. Sehun keeps having to stop and just stare at the state of the room he’s sharing with Junmyeon. Somehow, and he’s not sure _how_ exactly, because Junmyeon only brought _two_ bags, there is stuff _everywhere_.

“You know,” Sehun says, finally pulling on a light fleece over his under armor, looking across to Junmyeon who is slipping into his own gear. “I didn’t expect this.”

“What?” Junmyeon asks, frowning as he looks up. Sehun just stares pointedly at the exploded suitcase on the floor. “Oh.” Junmyeon bites his lip, looking around briefly. “It helps to spread stuff out. I know where it all is and can see it.”

“Is your classroom like this?” Sehun asks, trying to imagine how that kind of environment would be conducive to learning.

“If you ever dropped by, you would know,” Junmyeon says lightly, but the way he says it is almost too light. Sehun realizes that Junmyeon is _offended_ that Sehun hasn’t been to his room yet.

“I’ll drop by on Monday,” Sehun tells him as the back of his mind yells at him to stop saying stupid things. He turns before Junmyeon can respond, calling out a quick farewell before jogging up the stairs to see if Chanyeol and Jongin have even made it out of their bed yet.

Usually, up on the mountains of Monarch, they all split up into skill groups. Changmin and Taecyeon have already headed up to the mountain to get first tracks while Minseok is staying at the house to make sure everyone gets to the mountain. Then they’ll be on the expert trails all day. It’s been years since Sehun skied with Minseok since those early days of one on one while Sehun learned how to actually enjoy the sport. Most of the time, Sehun skis with Jinri and Taemin, the three of them sticking to intermediate trails with Chanyeol and Jongin joining them on a few runs.

That’s how the day starts out for the most part, with Taemin shoving into the car with Sehun, Jongin, and Chanyeol before Jinri hops in and settles herself on Sehun’s lap with a wink. “Because you’re the nice one,” she tells him, and Sehun rolls his eyes at her before wrapping his arms around her waist in a makeshift seatbelt.

It’s fun, familiar, and easy to set back into the old rhythm of old friends spending a day skiing. After the first chairlift rides up where Taemin uses Sehun as a support to stay upright and Jinri laughs at both of their hangovers, the first run is a rush. They don’t push it, most of them still getting used to going fast down hills rather than taking it easy from Nordic. All except Chanyeol, who bombs down the trail last every time and nails Jongin in a white wall of snow.

“I hate you,” Jongin grumbles after the third time, and pokes him harshly in the leg with his pole tip. “I’m so done with you. Shut up.” It doesn’t do anything, Chanyeol still laughing hysterically at the almost completely white with snow figure of his pouting boyfriend.

“Don't even think about it,” Sehun tells Taemin when he catches the look on his face.

“You gonna stop me?” Taemin taunts, whacking him in the butt with his pole.

“No, I’ll drag you out of the hot tub later and throw you into the snow,” Sehun tells him easily. “Your choice. White out on the trail or I bury you under the ice tonight.”

“That’s cold, man,” Taemin tells him.

“Ice cold!” Jinri yells. “Come on, let’s go!”

By the time lunch arrives and they all meet up at the summit lodge with the rest of the group, Sehun can feel the warm pleasant ache in his body from the downhill strain. It’s nothing like the ache from Nordic, but it’s still nice. Already, just from looking around at the group, Sehun knows he’ll be one of the last men standing tonight after all things are said and done.

Or he could go to bed early and avoid getting roped into body shots with Song Qian (who always thinks it’s a great idea for some reason).

Stepping into the summit lodge, Sehun blinks when he sees some of their group already there. “Looks like were not the first ones,” Taemin says, a note of surprise in his voice as well as they look over at the group at the tables. Song Qian, Kyuhyun, and Junmyeon are already seated, their gear half off and with plates of food spread out.

“Good morning?” Kyuhyun asks, looking up with a bright smile as they walk up, Sehun smiling in greeting and Taemin just behind him.

“Not bad,” Sehun says, slipping down into the seat beside Junmyeon. It’s different, not at all like sitting next to him at work in the teachers’ room, but it’s also exactly like that. The difference is Junmyeon looks like he’s actually enjoying his day and smiling like he means it. He’s wearing a heat tech turtleneck with his hair sticking up from his forehead from being tucked under a hat and goggles all day.

“Where were you guys?” Song Qian asks around her burger as Sehun drops his gear around him, Taemin not even bothering to pause as he starts stripping out of his layers. “We didn’t see you all morning. We thought for sure you’d be up on Phoenix this morning.”

“We were on Moonlight,” Sehun answers, moving a bit closer to Junmyeon as Taemin drops down beside him. “Took the morning slow. I haven’t been on downhill skis all year.” Running a hand through his sweat stiff hair, Sehun looks around the group, eyes lingering on Junmyeon. “Where were you guys?”

“Up on Thunder Bowl,” Kyuhyun answers as Song Qian takes another bite of her meal. “We’ve been getting to know Junmyeon a bit. Last night it felt a bit throw together.”

“Sehun,” Song Qian says, clearing her throat a bit as she swallows down her food. “You suck at introductions.”

“I tried,” Sehun weakly defends, even if there’s really no denying it. It had worked out fine, Junmyeon just slipping into the group slowly last night, and Sehun had been, for lack of a better word, surprised at how he’d seemed to open up.

Not the same way that Sehun has watched his walls drop down inch by inch with a few cracks, but it was a different side of Junmyeon that Sehun saw last night. Whenever Junmyeon caught him watching, he almost gave an apologetic but defiant smile, like he questioned if Sehun would protests against him.

Which is strange, considering that Junmyeon had been so distant and removed and last night he had been…

“You never told us Junmyeon was fun,” Song Qian accuses. “I swear, I think that’s the first time we ever got through a full game of Euchre.”

“I used to play poker with the older teachers at school,” Junmyeon admits, and Sehun glances to him curiously as Jongin and Chanyeol arrive with their shared food. Junmyeon smiles, softer and a bit more unsure than Sehun is used to seeing him smile, but it’s a nicer smile. It makes him more human.

“So that explains why you and Sehun won,” Kyuhyun laughs, and Sehun bites his lip as he accepts the sandwich Chanyeol passes him.

“No, Junmyeon was just actually sober, unlike all of you,” Sehun says, catching where Junmyeon goes silent. “No one really wins drunk Euchre, we all know that.”

“That’s because everyone wins,” Taemin laughs, unwrapping his burger beside Sehun and looking around the table with a smile. “Where are you headed this afternoon?”

“We were gonna go down Windmaker for the afternoon,” Kyuhyun says, leaning back a bit. “Then maybe head over to Phoenix at the end of the day? Just to do some nice long runs before heading in.”

“Awesome,” Chanyeol says, grinning widely. “We should meet up then!”

“I still can’t believe you ski downhill,” Junmyeon says, turning to Sehun with that polite smile on his face. It’s not as cold though, and Sehun doesn’t feel small and tested as Junmyeon looks at him. “I’m so used to talking to you about Nordic.”

“You didn’t know?” Taemin asks, leaning around Sehun to join the conversation. “He’s been skiing downhill for a while. He’d probably be as good as Chanyeol if he wasn’t so nervous about speed.”

“You’re afraid of going fast?” Junmyeon asks, looking stunned to learn this _small_ fact about Sehun. 

“It’s more that I’m not partial to the idea of crashing and smashing my head open,” Sehun mumbles, biting into his sandwich and trying to avoid the conversation.

“Like how Minseok did,” Song Qian says, and Sehun swallows down the stick in his throat. Beside him, Junmyeon is oddly still, listening carefully. “He’s fine, remember, Sehun? I guarantee you he went down Heart Attack at least three times once he found Changmin.”

“Yeah, but I’m not Minseok,” Sehun continues, trying to look at Song Qian and ignore how Junmyeon is watching him. “I’d rather race up a hill, not down it.”

“It gets you a better butt,” Taemin adds, and Kyuhyun bursts out laughing as Sehun rolls his eyes. “What? It totally does. I remember watching Chanyeol actually get one for a while there.”

“Taemin, shut up and eat your chili,” Chanyeol tells him easily, flicking a spicy fry at Taemin as Jongin laughs into his lunch. “And leave my butt out of this. You never even got one after three years of skiing Nordic.”

“That’s because I was too busy staring at Sehun’s,” Taemin laughs. Even as Sehun snorts and elbows him as Taemin roughly knocks shoulders with him, the whole table just slipping into their usual eye rolling, Sehun can feel Junmyeon’s eyes on him. “Why do you think I joined Nordic?”

“See, I never know if even _you_ know why the Hell you joined Nordic though,” Sehun points out, sitting back and leaning back from the bench. From the corner of his eye, he can see both Taemin and Junmyeon’s eyes follow him, though while Taemin just looks as teasing and stupid as ever, Junmyeon almost looks confused, worried.

Which doesn’t make sense at all.

“It was the spandex,” Jongin calls down the table.

“I understand so much more about Taemin now,” Song Qian says, seriously nodding her head as the table laughs.

“It’s better than the alpine gear,” Taemin shrugs.

“You all skied Nordic?” Junmyeon asks, looking around the table.

“You’re odd man out this time,” Sehun tells him, turning to him and watching how Junmyeon’s nervousness and confusion curves along his features, trailing down his neck and along the line of his jaw. “We all did Nordic together.”

“Sehun dragged us all on this trip the second year he was invited,” Kyuhyun explains as Sehun leans back towards his food. Under the table, he feels Junmyeon’s knee brush against his, and pulls away, knocking against Taemin’s thigh. Of course, Taemin nudges back, grinning at him from the side. “You’re not the first one he’s pulled along with him.”

Sehun waits, expecting Junmyeon to say he didn’t, that Sehun never asked him to go on this trip, that Minseok was the one who approached him, that Sehun had _no idea_ Junmyeon was even going to _be here_ until just a few weeks ago.

It never happens. Instead, Junmyeon chuckles, and looks down at his food. “I guess I have a lot more to learn, then.”

“About Sehun?” Taemin prompts, and Sehun flinches slightly as he leans and wraps an arm around his shoulder. “What kind of stuff do you want to know? We know all of his dirty secrets. We’d be happy to help.” Sehun’s stomach turns, and he looks down at the half finished sandwich in his hands, his appetite fleeing.

It’s been years since the days when Sehun would lean back into his touch, since any of Taemin’s gestures or touches meant anything, and usually Sehun wouldn’t care. Everyone on the trip now knows that history, knows about how Chanyeol and Jongin have been _that couple_ since high school, and they all know about the brief period when Sehun and Taemin had been anything more than friends. They know about how Sehun hasn’t gone out with a girl since he came out to Jinri in tears, scared and alone and she’d taken him to prom as her date, telling him it was okay. 

That he was okay.

They all know. They all know him, know who he is, and it’s okay.

They all know, except Junmyeon.

Something about that, how Junmyeon is someone who Sehun trusts but doesn’t really know, who works with him but doesn’t sit with him at lunch, makes Sehun uneasy. How Junmyeon is sharing a room with him this weekend, but Sehun doesn't know if he should look when Junmyeon’s walls lower just a bit more, has Sehun wanting to pull out of Taemin’s lazy hug.

It’s not that he doesn’t want Junmyeon to know. Sehun doesn’t care if Junmyeon knows, if he finds out that Sehun doesn’t want a girlfriend because Sehun has only ever fallen in love with men. He doesn’t care if Junmyeon knows that it took years before he just decided ‘screw it’ and let Taemin in too close when he pushed him too far and found out what his smirking laughter tasted like on his tongue.

Sehun doesn’t care, doesn’t want to care, doesn’t want to acknowledge that what Junmyeon thinks of him matters to him. It didn’t before, but now, with Junmyeon sitting so close and Sehun knowing they’re returning to share a room together for the evening…

Sehun doesn't want history to repeat, and he swallows down the lump in his throat as that possibility arises.

“That hardly seems fair,” Junmyeon says, his voice almost too close and too loud as Sehun sits beside him and-

Blinking, Sehun turns, looking at Junmyeon and realizes he’s smiling again. Not the full open smile of laughter that Sehun has only seen a few times, but a softer smile. Not polite, but it’s reassuring, a gentle humor in his eyes Sehun has never seen before. It’s like…

“I don’t think that’s very fair to Sehun to have you all spill his secrets when he doesn’t get to fight back,” Junmyeon is saying, and Sehun waits for the stiffness, the pull away, the edge.

It never comes. The feeling from Junmyeon isn’t pulling away, but leaning in, relaxing, finally letting go of the tension in his shoulders.

“Then you’ll just have to tell us all your secrets,” Chanyeol suggests, smiling over the table at Junmyeon. Then, Sehun feels Junmyeon tighten beside him, but he doesn’t pull back, doesn’t shut down. “One for one, we spill a secret of Sehun and you tell us something about.”

“See,” Sehun says, speaking up and trying to take the tension out of his head. Get it out, unwind it in the open. “Now this is really unfair, because I don’t even get a say in this. And how is it getting to know all of us if it’s only my life we’re exposing?”

“Because you're the most interesting of all of us,” Kyuhyun says easily, and Song Qian laughs again, her eyes creasing as she sits back. “Obviously.”

“Way to make the rest of us feel lame,” Taemin drawls, his arm hooking around Sehun’s shoulder easier, dangling over his chest. Sehun doesn’t pull away, doesn't feel as exposed with Junmyeon looking around the table at all of them. He only slaps at Taemin’s hand when his fingers poke at his stomach. “Putting Sehun on the pedestal like that.”

“Weren’t you just the one offering to reveal all my secrets two seconds ago?” Sehun reminds him, turning to Taemin with a raised brow.

“I like to see you exposed,” Taemin shrugs, fingers poking him hard in the belly and Sehun scoffs, barely hesitating to shove him off this time. Of course, Taemin is laughing, just as he always is, slouching to the bench with his face creased in laughter as the rest of the table sighs with the same resigned acceptance of ‘here we go again’.

“Shut up, asshole,” Sehun says, none of the old bite in his voice and none of the heat in his face. He’s used to it. It’s been so long, so many years of Taemin teasing him, it’s water against a glass, and Sehun just lets it run off of him.

It’s been so long since the stuff Taemin says bothers him really, and he turns back to his food without worrying about it. Beside him though, Junmyeon is frowning slightly, and Sehun pauses when he catches his gaze on him.

“What?” he asks, and stills, not sure what kind of look it is that Junmyeon is giving him.

Shaking his head and turning away, that same smile slipping over Junmyeon’s face, he lets out a sort of laughing sigh. “Nothing,” he says, crumpling up his food wrappers. “Are you going to ski Windmaker with us this afternoon?”

Before Sehun can answer, Kyuhyun is laughing, capturing both of their attention. “You couldn’t get Sehun on Windmaker if you paid him.”

“That’s a lie,” Sehun defends himself firmly, and Kyuhyun chokes on his laughter as the table turns to him. “How much money would you offer me?”

“One hundred to go down Misery,” Song Qian says immediately and Sehun winces.

“Yeah, no,” Sehun says, as the table rolls back into laughter, Junmyeon watching him curiously with a small relaxed smile. He looks easier, more comfortable, settled with posture that isn’t rigid beside Sehun in space that feels okay to be shared. “I’ll keep my body and limbs intact, thanks. That trail is _awful_.”

“Hence why they call it Misery,” Kyuhyun laughs, and stands, grabbing his lunch tray and stepping back. “So meet up on Phoenix? Later? If we’re still alive?”

“Yeah,” Sehun says, smiling and glancing to see Junmyeon watching him with a small smile of his own on his face. “Sounds good.”

❉

Safe.

The word Sehun had been looking for to describe the feeling earlier that day at lunch, when Junmyeon shifted, like he wasn’t holding himself too tight and waiting for Sehun to do… something. It’s safe, but not in the way that Sehun felt it was okay to call Junmyeon when Yibo was waiting for parents that weren’t coming.

That was trust.

Safe is the way Junmyeon isn’t as hard, actually looks like he means it when he and Song Qian and Kyuhyun meet up with them on Phoenix to ski the afternoon. Safe is the way that Junmyeon tells jokes for the first time Sehun has ever heard them and even if they’re _terrible_ jokes, Junmyeon doesn’t look nervous after he’s said them.

Safe is the way that Sehun realizes Junmyeon _hadn’t_ felt until this afternoon, and it’s in the gentle slope of his shoulders, the way he closes his eyes and flops onto the couch with Sehun when they get back to the house. It’s a whole other side that Sehun realizes he isn’t scared to see, because _Junmyeon_ isn’t scared to let that wall fall and let Sehun see him.

It’s not stepping in where he shouldn’t but laughing when Junmyeon finally admits his old skiing career and Kyuhyun drops his plate of food in shock. It’s not holding his tongue when they get into talking about skiing, when they all end up in the hot tub downstairs and Junmyeon spends the whole time refusing to admit he’s cold even if he has goosebumps that brush against Sehun’s arm and leave his skin tingling slightly.

Sehun realizes as they all split up that Junmyeon is friendlier in general, talking easier, smiling and letting it reach his eyes, the professional shield dropped, and Sehun isn’t just his coworker.

Sehun has been let _in_ because he’s safe.

“Sehun,” Junmyeon says, smiling and stumbling slightly in the snow, wearing boots and an untucked flannel shirt, his hair still wet from the hot tub. Sehun doesn’t resist, instead laughing as Junmyeon pulls him by the wrist towards his side of the yard for the game they’re playing (Sehun still isn’t sure what the game is, just that there’s beer involved and it was Taemin’s idea, so it’s probably going to be terrible).

With puffs of clouded breath ghosting up from his mouth, Sehun stumbles in the cold, knowing that all of them should be wearing coats even if the alcohol in their blood makes it too hot. “What are we doing?” Sehun asks, watching as Junmyeon stands and pushes his hair back, messy and relaxed with a competitive glint in his slightly glazed eyes.

“Something to do with beer,” Junmyeon says, his voice alive and rushed, his words rising in puffs of white. “I don’t know really, I couldn’t understand Taemin at all. Or Minseok. Whoever explained the game.”

Sehun is laughing, stepping closer and into space that shouldn’t be his but Junmyeon doesn’t pull away. “Taemin,” Sehun clarifies. “That was Taemin.”

“Right,” Junmyeon says, and chuckles, shaking his head as if agitated. “Anyway, I think he throws the beer in the snow and we have to find it and, uh, drink it? Then go tag the next person to find another beer.”

“Find the beer in the snow,” Sehun clarifies, nodding as his memory tries to churn through the four drinks Hyoyeon had made him earlier.

“That’s the concept, I think.”

Sehun laughs, and Junmyeon’s eyes are a complicated mix of brown and convoluted dimensions of what makes Junmyeon who he is. “No, that’s the name of the game,” Sehun laughs, pulling away before he leans too close and loses balance.

 _Don’t fall_.

“Oh,” Junmyeon looks briefly puzzled, but then he’s laughing again, loud and full and Sehun smiles with his whole self.

“I didn’t know you were this much fun.” The words spill from his thoughts into the air, and the slow widening of Junmyeon’s eyes is illuminated by the snow around them.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” Junmyeon tells him, but it’s almost a tease, just like the corner of his mouth.

“Yet?” Sehun asks, feeling the cold begin to crawl up his burning skin, seeping to bite at the sensitive ends of his body.

The tilt of lips turns into a smirk turns into a smile turns into the fall of Junmyeon’s hair into his face from where it had been pushed back as he laughs and his pale skin stands up in goosebumps in the winter chill even as he looks so warm. 

“Yet.”

Someone yells ‘go’, and Sehun is left standing on his side of the field realizing it’s only him and Junmyeon on this team, and that his other half is running in a stumbling uncoordinated drunk gait into the snow. And Sehun is still trying to remember if Taemin even threw the beer out into the snow for them to find in the first place as Junmyeon collides with Jinri and they both go down laughing.

“Oh,” says Sehun, and closes his eyes.

❉

There has always been a thin line between one thing of 'what it is' and another thing of 'what it could be'. Whether it’s the final moments between dusk and night, when shadows are more real than physical things and in that breathless state in insecurity between a handshake or a hug.

 _What is this?_ rings with the silence of nothing but a question between words and the implied meaning behind them.

Waking up in the cooler air of the basement bedroom, half wrapped up in a sweatshirt and tasting chocolate still on the backs of his teeth, Sehun stares at the ceiling and wonders if he’s crossed the thin line yet.

For years, this trip has happened and Sehun has felt the three days flew by, his memories on snow and laughter and friends. This year, the weekend felt like so much longer, each moment in between longer than the day itself until it begins to stack up higher and higher until it’s made a book in his head.

Watching the soft and final steps between his friends, old and new, laughing and gathered around the house between games and drinks and watching as people began to remember themselves. It’s the memories of watching Chanyeol and Jongin holding onto each other with the certainty that means _never let go_ and finally watching Taemin look at them with a sort of wistful faith in them.

It’s the memories of watching Changmin haul Minseok off to bed early for drinking too much too fast and laughing about it rather than rolling his eyes. It’s the look of hilarity on Jinri’s face when Minseok called out to her and she told him _’dreams come true’_.

It’s the memories of finding Taemin sitting on the dining room floor away after realizing he’d been away from the party and feeling him push his face into Sehun’s shoulder, fingers curling into the hem of his shirt. It’s the memories of watching him break again, his voice wavering as he hides the betrayal of expression and tells Sehun he’s sorry and Sehun knows he’s apologizing to someone who should have been here but isn’t. It’s feeling Taemin’s shoulder’s shake under his hand and just listening to him, remembering a worse time, and putting aside the snapping banter to be there for an old friend. It’s the memory and the reality of how this isn’t the past, and Sehun isn’t his future anymore, and it’s better that way.

It’s the memory of Jinri laughing as Hyoyeon shoves her into Kyuhyun’s lap and tells her to stay as Song Qian photographs all of them in matching flannel. It’s the memory of Jinri choking off her laughter as Kyuhyun had leaned in with a laugh and pressed a playful kiss to her cheek, her cheeks turning bright red.

Lying in bed and looking at the ceiling, Sehun breathes in a deep breath, knowing he’s woken too early as the house makes no sound yet. Turning, he glances through the room towards the other man on the bed close enough Sehun could reach out and brush his fingers against the wrist dangling off the edge. Those memories are confusing, but hold a future, something that has his mind turning over what it means.

Memories of Junmyeon laughing, smiling, relaxing, arguing but letting other people win, pouting when he lost a game and refusing to admit he’s cold even as he shivered with his arm pressed against Sehun’s. Those memories of Junmyeon finding him when he’d been on the floor with Taemin and frozen, eyes darkening before he’d fled to leave them in silence.

Those memories of Junmyeon gone and finding him sitting on the edge of his bed amid the mess of clothing and items from his bag at his feet, frowning at his hands. The honest and determined look on his clouded eyes when he’d looked up at Sehun and asked him if he was okay.

The look on Junmyeon’s face when Sehun hadn’t known he was talking before he’d explained why, explained it was fine, explained that he and Taemin broke up a while ago and that he knows Taemin doesn’t love him aside from friendship. The look that Sehun hadn’t been able to hold long because too much of it was familiar and he’d realized Junmyeon never asked about Taemin but asked about _him_.

“I’m okay,” had been the only thing Sehun could get out because it was always true even when he wanted to shake apart and felt exposed and unsteady under that look.

Lying in the early morning light, Sehun wonders what it means, if this is the line where Junmyeon had sat with him an hour after hearing “I’m okay” and smiled, starting another round of Euchre and claiming Sehun as his partner. If it means they know each other, if they’re still just coworkers or if they’ve moved beyond that and Junmyeon will smile like he does now at lunch on Monday and sit with him.

It’s harder to silence his thoughts when there’s no way to get them out. Sighing as he claims the first shower (no one else is up so he may as well), Sehun lets it pour out of him in a soft mumble of words, the water pouring over him and washing it down the drain at his feet.

If the school knows by Monday that Sehun isn’t ever really going to get involved in the teaching drama where students try to pair their educators off and ‘make them happy’ like some weird teen romance. Sehun isn’t going to date Jia because Sehun has never fallen in love with a woman. It’s not what makes him who he is and it shouldn’t.

As much as the anxiety curls up into his chest from his stomach, Sehun knows that Junmyeon won’t talk about it. If it’s necessary, he might, but from the way he’d behaved this weekend, it’s almost like he felt more comfortable once he figured it out.

It makes Sehun almost wonder.

Almost.

Today is the last day, and tomorrow, Monday, the real world steps back into play and Sehun can’t forget the responsibility of being a teacher for a weekend where he could just be himself instead of ‘Mr. Oh’.

Today is the day that he has to clear his head, and Minseok looks like shit when Sehun finds him upstairs wearing a shirt too big for him and with his hair still damp from a shower. “You’re kidding me,” Minseok sighs, and Sehun smiles in slight apology. “You asshole, I was looking forward to trying to get you on Windmaker today. You even brought your Nordic gear with you, didn’t you?”

“Just in case,” Sehun says with a shrug, feeling easier knowing he can switch out his ticket. He’d happily pay for it truthfully, needing to unwind for the day and just ski to push the overflowing memories into quiet again before he steps back into the classroom. “Besides, didn’t Kyu want another ticket? He only had a two day’s pass and already skied on Friday.”

“I don’t remember,” Minseok croaks out a laugh. “I’ll ask Changmin. But that’d be the best if he wants the day.”

It feels a bit strange to be up, set on his internal clock from waking up at six every morning to get to school on time, when everyone else drags themselves up with exhaustion and bleary eyes. In the basement room, Junmyeon is sitting on his bed, dragging his fingers through his mussed up hair and Sehun catches the way his oversized sleep shirt slips down his shoulder.

“Am I actually going to get to see you ski today?” Junmyeon asks him, looking up with a smile warm with sleep.

“Probably not,” Sehun admits, and flashes him an apologetic smile as he pulls his sweater over his head, figuring it’ll be easier to change before the heads to the Nordic center. “I’m heading to the Nordic center today. To get in some skiing before I just have to stand by the sidelines and sit in a classroom for most of my time.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon says, and a look of disappointment passes over his face as he stares at Sehun, the cold of the room nipping against Sehun’s bare skin.

“What?”

“I thought I might be able to ski with you today,” Junmyeon says, and laughs a bit like he’s not sure if he can admit something like that.

“Why would I go up against a previous Olympic Qualifier though?” Sehun asks, snorting out a laugh as he bends to grab his bag. “I’m pretty sure it’s better if I don’t go out skiing with you on downhill and make a fool of myself.”

“Sehun.”

“Hm?” Sehun looks up, catching sight of Junmyeon’s quirked smile in the half morning light of the room.

“I teach skiers all the time,” Junmyeon says, his voice taking on that patience Sehun knows means ‘teacher talking’. “I wouldn’t make fun of you or think poorly of you.”

“You say that as Mr. Kim the Alpine coach,” Sehun says and laughs, pulling a thinsulate undershirt out of his bag. It’s black, and one of his favorites, the material warm and water wicking so he doesn’t sweat through and freeze. “But I’m pretty sure I’m out here skiing with Junmyeon, who, considering how you laughed at even Jongin’s jokes last night, would laugh at me on the slopes.”

“Jongin is funny,” Junmyeon says with a small laugh.

“No, he isn’t,” Sehun clarifies, but can’t help but smile anyway. “You were definitely just drunk.” Junmyeon doesn’t frown, but he does stop laughing. The humor, and what Sehun might (if he were really pushed) call affection lingering in his eyes. “Maybe another time. We can trade. I’ll ski Alpine with you one day, and you ski Nordic with me another day.”

“That-“ Junmyeon pauses, and a contemplative look passes over his face. “Yeah, okay. It’s a deal.”

It’s almost stable, the feeling between them where it’s right on the edge, where Sehun thinks this is friendship and Junmyeon has that feeling about him, but he’s not entirely sure.

After today, will they still be friends, or will they go back to being two coaches of two teams who teach in the same building but rarely visit each other or see each other? Friendship doesn’t mean something casual and easily forgotten.

It means being safe. It means trusting, and it means Sehun not hesitating to punch Taemin for a shitty joke or calling him out on being a bastard, but also sitting with his face pressed into his shoulder and listening as Taemin apologizes for what they never were.

“Cool,” Sehun says, and grins as he pulls his shirt over his head. It’s only been a few short minutes, and he has to check with Kyuhyun still, but he can already feel the familiar simmer of excitement at getting on _real_ skis and pushing off onto a track to feel the cold burn against his face.

Pausing at the door, Sehun turns back, and stills. It’s one thing to be so used to seeing Junmyeon in Mr. Roger’s sweaters all the time, or wrapped up in a jacket and scarf as he gets to work. It’s another to look through the haze of memories from last night and remember Junmyeon in a hot tub that Sehun was only half paying attention to.

It’s another thing entirely to look at Junmyeon, his loose sleep shirt pulled over his head and hair standing up and remember that, despite how many times Hoseok refers to him as “Old Man Kim”, Junmyeon is only a few years older than Sehun. It shows itself in the toned lines of his torso, the strong line of his shoulders, and Sehun remembers in a stupid revelation that he’d known since he met him, that Junmyeon is a man just as he is.

“I may not see you again today,” Sehun says, and Junmyeon doesn’t make any indication of being self conscious as he looks up. “I’ll probably be at the Nordic center all day.”

 _But this has been really fun,_ murmurs under Sehun’s voice. _And I think I like spending time with you, Junmyeon._

Junmyeon smiles, and he turns to face Sehun properly before a sound like a laugh spills from his throat. “Don’t worry about it,” he says, and his eyes are warm as he looks so much younger and real than Sehun has ever seen him before. A real person, tangible beyond the walls and almost waiting for Sehun to reach out and touch. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Alright,” Sehun says, and pulls away with a smile, tugging his bags with him as he heads upstairs to find Kyuhyun.

 _But will we still be friends?_ rings inside Sehun’s head as he steps out into the cold air later, skis and poles in hand and boots crunching through the snow, thoughts of Junmyeon still stuck even if Sehun wants them gone. _Can I still be your friend?_

Letting out a long breath, Sehun closes his eyes once he clicks into his bindings, hands flexing around his poles as he grounds himself. His mind is too busy and Sehun needs to be free, breathing out as he leans forward, pushing onto his ski and pushing his weight back through his poles, putting the clamor in his head into the force of it.

 _Let it go_ whispers through his head in a silent mantra as the memories pull forward into the forefront of his mind and he breathes out, pushing them through his arms and back as he skis ahead and leaves them in silence.

✦

_There is a saying somewhere that has to do with this._

 _It goes a bit like_ ”you can’t truly appreciate how much you love something until you hate it with a burning dying passionate rage” _or something._

 _A part of Sehun thinks it’s complete bullshit because right now, skiing up this hill, his arms and legs and abs and back and throat burning and hurting and feeling about one pole plant away from vomiting all over himself, he_ hates _Nordic skiing._

_“You can do it!” scream the assholes on the sides of the trail who aren’t skiing and have literally no idea how much Sehun hates everything right now. “Come on! Ski up that hill! Get up, get up! Lift those feet! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”_

_“I’m gonna die!” Sehun tries to wail but it comes out more like a wheezing whine that just sounds as pathetic as he feels. He’s been racing for what feels like seven weeks and his body has had it._

_This hill is going to kill him. Sehun hates whoever it was that named a stupid hill on a high school Nordic ski course ‘College’ because goddamnit there are kids who will never graduate and this is just mocking them. And him._

_Sehun is a freaking_ freshman _and College is so far out of his sphere of ‘important shit I care about’ that Sehun wants nothing more than to jump the trail into a tree just so he can stop._

_He hates Nordic skiing. He hates racing. He hates this hill and these horrible people who keep sounding so positive when he’s so completely miserable._

_“Pole! Pole, pole, pole” yells Hyoyeon from up ahead on the trail, the girls team all clustered about in jacket and school colors as Sehun feels the sweat frozen on his face crack. “Come on! Sehun! You’re almost there! Once you get over this hill, you’re done! So hurry it up! Get up, get up, pick it up”_

_“I. Hate. You.” If Hyoyeon hears him, Sehun doesn’t even care because his feet feel like lead and the air he drags into his mouth tastes like blood. He can feel the sweat and snot running down his face, frozen from the cold and it’s disgusting._

_This is a_ disgusting _sport and Sehun hates everything so much._

 _“Come on!” screams Hyoyeon, leaping out from the snow bank on the side of the trail and_ running _along the trail, clapping him along, and screaming beside him. “Pick it up! Pick up your feet! Plant your poles and V one, V one, V one! Get up that hill!”_

 _“Shut up!” Sehun screams in a cracking garble that’s breathless and tight and he_ burns _as he plants his poles. He’s angry, so angry it’s fire racing through all of him as he pushes with strength he doesn’t feel like he has up the hill._

 _This is awful, Sehun hates it, Sehun_ loathes _this sport as he grits his teeth in a snarl, snaps his wrists as he transitions to his other ski, and swiftly plants his poles on the other side. Stupid. Awful. Sport. Vision clouding with the heavy breaths that cloy in his mouth, too hot, too hot, Sehun pushes through again, forcing faster, harder, hating, up the hill._

 _“Yes!” Hyoyeon is screaming. “Yes! Sehun! Go, go,_ go! _”_

 _Sehun is going to kill her first. It’s definite. Right after he kills Chanyeol for getting him into this horrible awful_ heinous _sport. But first he has to get to the finish line, where Chanyeol already is, with a good time to probably put him on the States team that Sehun_ wants _to be on so badly but-_

 _Pole plant. Push. Glide. Scream internally. Pole plant. Push. Glide. Scream out loud as Sehun crests the hill_ finally _and nearly stumbles, faltering as he pushes too hard with arms that are about to fall off._

_Someone (probably Hyoyeon) screams behind him to “go!” and Sehun just doesn’t care, just wants to finish this race. Right now. Just lie down on the track and expire but no, that’s letting the race win, that’s letting the race beat him and Sehun hates it too much to let it do that._

_Growling (or trying to, Sehun doesn’t know what sound comes out of his mouth), he pushes with arms that feel like sore jelly and legs that hate him just as much as he hates this race, Sehun skates over the flat before the trail slopes._

_The rush of wind as he picks up speed is, in short, scary. Sehun hates going fast, feeling so out of control as he tries to keep stable on thin skis and no support, skis angled in a snow plow so he doesn’t fall. It burns against his eyes, the wind from whipping down the trail so cold and dry and making him wince as everything hurts._

_But he’s not as tired, the relief from finishing the hill letting him breathe, catch back some of the air as he flies down, stepping quickly around the turn at the base and straightening up._

_Then bending, the breath rushing through him as he hits the flat already racing through it, heart pounding and egging him on, going faster, faster, finish the race before you throw up. The burning is less, more of the pounding rush through his arms and legs, getting blood back into them after the lactic acid has abated._

_Teeth grit, Sehun keeps his head half bent, eyes forward as he skates, poling on both sides, pushing faster, faster, faster because he’ll be_ damned _if he lets this race beat him. It burns, a growing and building fire of energy that races through his limbs, curling in a tight coil in his gut, keeping the nausea of overexertion at bay as he pushes harder, faster, stronger to the finish._

_There are people screaming when he clears the trees, barreling up one of the last hills with all the profanity he knows streaming through his head and a growl in the back of his throat. It feels so good, getting to the top and seeing the end. Right there._

_Sehun wants it. Wants it so bad, to get across that line and be_ done _with this race, this sport, maybe this world._

_He wants to go faster, get there as soon as possible so he can lie down forever. There are so many people screaming, bundled up in jackets and Sehun is so hot, everything burning as he sweats through layers and feels it dripping down his neck, he can’t look at them._

_Only at the finish, the orange line and the time clock with his number and his time clicking down so fast Sehun can’t catch it._

_The rapid strain in his arms, his shoulders, his back are white screaming in his head, no energy or sound to spare as he focuses on getting as much air as he can in frantic gasps, pushing, pushing, poling, poling, faster to the finish in a burning firing hating frantic coil of whole body panic to just_ get there _._

 _The time clock is visible for barely a moment, reading_ 19:52:07 _before everything shuts down in Sehun’s body. It’s a bit like blacking out, except Sehun is entirely conscious when his body gives up on itself and he goes crashing in a high velocity pile of limbs into the packed snow at the finish line, skidding at least a few feet in a spray of snow that goes right up the back of his uni._

 _The cold is so nice against Sehun’s burning skin, jammed up against his sides and spine and offering shocking relief to the throb that seems to envelope his whole body. He’s done,_ done _and even if he doesn’t have the air for it, Sehun is laughing._

 _Wheezing sad sounding exhausted laughter wracking from lungs gasping for air as Sehun lies on the ground with his skis and poles akimbo and body a limp noodle because he’s_ made it _._

_19:52:07._

_The best time Sehun has ever had. The_ fastest _time and even if he’s pretty sure he’s going to throw up, his stomach too tight from over work and system shaking violently, Sehun is inexplicably, crazily, euphoric. Sehun can’t even move because his body is so angry at him for making it race but he can’t stop laughing, lying in the cold snow as he looks up at the sky and is just happy._

_It’s like being filled with angry bubbles, cascading through him in relief to stop racing, to have beaten his best times, to have made it, and to finally let the agonizing strain in his muscles begin to reknit back together. He’s still laughing, the cool air finally helping to sooth the burning, numbing it to a dull ache as the snow up his shirt melts and soothes chilly against him, breaths finally evening out._

_Right before the boys descend on him, Jongin first, all half moon eyes and high shrieks of congratulations, then Chanyeol, booming loudly in excitement as they fall on top of him and crush his life out of him. Wheezing but still laughing, Sehun can’t help but smile, arms weakly waving as he tries to hug back and can’t._

_They help him up, Jongin slipping to his side and hauling his arm over his shoulder, holding him up so Sehun can stand._

_“How do you feel?” Chanyeol asks, bouncing ahead of them, his ski hat off and hair bouncing on his head._

_“Half dead,” Sehun croaks, his voice still rough from the race. “But awesome.”_

_“Congratulations!” Jongin beams at him, his smile radiant and Sehun feels so full, so happy, he barely even registers the hugs as they come in._

_“You did it,” Minho tells him, stepping back and ruffling his hair after a brief hug, his eyes dancing in fond pride._

_“Did what?” Sehun asks, blinking._

_“You beat Taemin,” Chanyeol teases, and Taemin elbows him roughly with a fake smile._

_“You made the States team,” Minho clarifies, and Sehun’s breath catches._

_“I-“ Sehun turns, looking back at the score board. It has another skier now, another time, but Sehun can still see 19:52:07 in bright yellow. “I made the team?”_

_“Looks like you really are our wiz kid,” Minho laughs, tugging him in for a side hug and shaking him with rough affection. “Congrats! I knew you could do it.”_

_“It was no big deal,” Sehun says, feeling his cheeks blaze even as he feels himself swelling with happiness and everything in the world. “I knew I could do it.”_

_Minho is laughing, still holding him to his side and keeping him up even as Sehun feels his legs begin to go weak for reasons that have nothing to do with the race. Looking up at Minho’s brilliant smile, Sehun’s breath catches as his stomach jumps and another rush floods through him._

_Another victory, and the feeling at the end is everything he might want, falling in love with the sport that pushes him into a new world, into new feelings, and a new hope._

_The hope of winning for once, where he can do it, and where doing his best means something._

_“I’m proud of you,” Coach says gruffly, not actually sounding too proud even as he claps Sehun on the shoulder a few times. “Now just keep up the work and you might be something at States.”_

_Sehun just nods, head buzzing and unable to stop smiling as he turns back to the team, and walks back to get tugged to the side of the person who he looks up to the most, and who means something._

_“I love this sport,” Sehun says, feeling the ringing rush through him as he says it, the delicious ache in his muscles that will be stiff later. But he means it._

_This is love._

❉

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. SWIX is one of the leading nordic skiing brands, and makes a large variety of items from skis and equipment to wax and attire.
> 
> 2\. The law enforcement from “The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.
> 
> 3\. _Math on Call_ is a resource book that teaches Math in a different way than the standard curriculum. It is designed for students who struggle to learn math in the standardize teaching method, similar to the Wilson Reading Program. Details can be found [here](http://www.wilsonlanguage.com/target=%22_blank%22). 
> 
> 4\. Multiple Intelligences has to do with how people possess different learning strengths and areas where they understand classified under ‘intelligences’. The theory is designed to help educators incorporate different teaching methods to a wide range of learners. Details can be found [here](http://www.institute4learning.com/multiple_intelligences.php). 
> 
> 5\. Mr. Rogers was a well known actor in PBS Children’s Television programming where he had his own television show geared towards youth education and development. Mr. Rogers’ was known for wearing collared shirts under woolen sweaters and cardigans. More can be found [here](http://pbskids.org/rogers/). 
> 
> 6\. ‘Rossi’ or Rossignol, is a ski brand which originated in France. They are one of the largest ski brands known and provide for both Alpine, Nordic, and snowboard equipment. They are often one of the sponsors for the Olympics. Their logo is a rooster. Their official site is [here](http://www.rossignol.com/US/US/</target=%22_blank%22). 
> 
> **7.** The first style of cross country skiing is known as ‘classic’. This style is often done in a walking motion, stepping to the gliding ski before transferring to the other ski using a ‘kick zone’. Most classic skis have an area under the binding that is ridged, offering a grip to the snow known as a ‘kick’, making it easy to step to the other ski and keep traction. On race skis, this ‘kick zone’ is smooth, and is given the ‘kick’ by using a type of wax that is temperature specific and will provide traction on the snow. Classic skiing is the oldest style of cross country skiing. More information can be found [here](http://crosscountryskitechnique.com/category/classic-skiing-technique-videos/target=%22_blank%22).
> 
>  **8.** ‘Freestyle’ or ‘skate skiing’ is the style of skiing in which the entire bottom of the ski is smooth and waxed for gliding. The technique is very similar to ice skating, where a skier will transition their weight between feet and the weight on the ski propels it forward. Freestyle skiing is often the faster of the two cross country ski styles and requires more balance, technique, and combines a variety of techniques for hill climbing, racing, and ‘tricks’ to gain speed during races. More information can be found [here](http://crosscountryskitechnique.com/category/skate-skiing-technique-videos/).
> 
>  **9.** ‘Euchre’ is a card game of matching suits and playing ‘tricks’. The game they are playing in this is better referred to as ‘drunk euchre’ and only vaguely resembles actual ‘euchre’ because only ½ the people understand the rules, which are mostly made up on the fly. The goal of ‘euchre’ is to get the most number of ‘tricks’ in a game. The goal of ‘drunk euchre’ is to not play out of turn and to actually manage to get a ‘trick’ with your partner. In ‘euchre’, the winner is whoever wins ten games first. In ‘drunk euchre,’ no one wins because they all are winners for even attempting to play and shuffle the goddamn deck.
> 
>  **10.** “Glades” are the trails on downhill ski resorts that are trails through the trees. They are typically ungroomed and intended for expert skiers only.


End file.
